“No pressure.” He lets out a heavy breath, and I wiggle my fingers around the steering wheel. I want something with a good beat and to be a little reckless, nothing that’ll hurt Levi’s car, of course. “Wow, you have more artists and genres on here than I do on my phone.”
I smirk. “I’m a little offended that you would think any less of me, Hotshot. Now pick one.”
He lets out a frustrated sigh, but I can see him silently laughing from the corner of my eye.
“The amount of older pop songs you have is— No fucking way. I haven’t heard this in years.” Waiting curiously, “Troublemaker” by Olly Murs plays, and I laugh as Levi throws his head back. He opens his mouth and starts singing as casually and playfully as ever.
Putting the gear in reverse, I pull out of the spot and brake harshly. Levi’s head thunks against the seat. His eyes widen when I peek at him.
“Stevie,” he warns.
“You put me in the seat, Hotshot.” I grin. The same anger coursing through my veins at the memories of my douche of an ex and the adrenaline of being behind the wheel again fuels me to be a little bit reckless.
“Stevie,” he repeats.
I giggle before blasting the music loud enough to drown out my thoughts. Hitting the gas, the car surges forward, way faster than it should be for a parking lot. Levi curses next to me and grabs onto the door and dashboard while I make a sharp turn. Driving forward until I reach the end of the lot, I make another right and grin broadly.
Levi curses again and says the last thing I expect him to. “Is that the worst you can do, Bambi?”
I glance at him for a millisecond before heading toward the middle of the ample space instead of continuing until the end. Slowing down to about twelve mph, I hear Levi take in a breath right before I clutch onto the steering wheel, twisting it to the right, maintaining control as it swivels, and pressing my foot onto the gas pedal. The move causes the car to drift slightly, making one perfectly round donut, as well as making Levi eat his fucking words.
“Holy shit!” he shouts from beside me.
“Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett plays next, and I let the music guide me.
Putting the car in reverse, I wrap my right arm around Levi’s seat and look back, steering only with my left hand. My heart hammers in my chest, and I love this feeling. I forgot how good it felt to drive like this, like I used to with Jenny.
“Shit, shit, shit!” Levi yells, but I ignore him.
I drive about three reckless laps around the large lot in reverse before the song begins to come to an end. I dare to do one more donut before pulling into our previous spot, slamming the brakes so hard that both of our seat belts lock.
Lowering the volume of the music, I stare straight ahead, smiling for the millionth time, feeling the freest I have in a while. I haven’t driven like that since three summers ago, when Jenny’s ex-boyfriend taught us how to make donuts.
Turning to Levi, I find him with wide eyes and a slack jaw. I cringe slightly at the way I took advantage of his car. But then a cackle leaves him, making me jump.
“That was fucking awesome!” Levi shouts.
We look at each other and laugh. The adrenaline begins to fade, and I’m so grateful for him. What he did for me tonight and today was more than I would’ve ever expected.
My eyes tear up. “I keep having these realizations about Andrew and our relationship. It’s as if before it was…” I trail off, unable to find the right word.
“Hazy,” Levi finishes for me.
Nodding and letting out a sarcastic laugh, I reply, “I learned how to drive this way because Jenny convinced me a few years ago. It was only ever in safe places, and I never raced. Jenny’s ex did, though.” Leaning my head back, I close my eyes. “Andrew found out about it and convinced me to stop, even though no one was getting hurt. It made me feel free, and I quit to make him happy.”
He sighs. “He’s a dick.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, he is.” A brief moment of silence passes. “How did you get past the memories?”
He clears his throat, as if not expecting my question. “I confronted him alone once I realized I had rose-colored glasses on the entire time we were together.” When I look at Levi, he’s no longer smiling. He doesn’t look sad, either, he looks indifferent. “I wanted to ask Joan to go to prom, but I needed closure first. Little did I know I already had it.” His head twists in my direction. “Once someone treats you like anything less than you deserve, closure isn’t necessary. That’s something youneed to find within yourself. Looking for it in someone who never loved you properly is useless.” He taps his fingers on the door. “You’re almost at the finish line.”
I’m not entirely sure what he means by that last part. The only thing that makes sense right now is that my feelings for Andrew are no longer there.
“I don’t love him anymore. I think we stopped being in a relationship a long time ago, and I stopped loving him the second I saw him with Tiffany. Maybe even before that.” I catch myself off guard with that one.
Levi nods in understanding.
“So why do memories of him, of us, still affect me the way they do?” I ask myself more than I do him, but he answers regardless.
