Chapter Fifty-One
KAMILA
Friday
Em is sitting on our couch when I come into our room after my last final. The star string lights are still hung on our walls, and every time I walk in, I’m instantly reminded of Cameron. That day was emotional, to say the least. What he did was extremely touching, although I still have no idea how he was able to put them up in only two hours…or how he got in.
Cam’s kept his word on sending me something every day, whether big or small, a card always accompanies them. It would feel as though he were trying to buy my forgiveness if it weren’t for the fact that all of the things he has bought have been personal.
He remembered the snacks I loved back in high school and the ones I had eaten around him this semester. The candle I was given is found only in a tiny store near my house in Queens, and the necklace he sent had my favorite gemstone, along with the date we met, engraved on it. They’re not flashy gifts like diamonds and chocolate truffles, these are gifts that show methat he’s always been paying attention. And hell, if it doesn’t make me feel like a giddy middle schooler with her first crush.
I thought nothing would top the shock of the barbershop quartet or lights, but managing to convince Professor Mills to sit him all the way across the classroom when we took our final on Tuesday was the most impressive thing he’s been able to pull off thus far. I guess the professor’s heart isn’t made of stone after all.
The line I drew between Cameron and I when Ana and David came is growing blurrier by the day. The cold front I put up is slowly melting, and I know it won’t take long before I’ll be able to forgive him. Questions and conflicting notions flee through my head at least twenty times a day.
Is it too soon?
Can I trust that he won’t lie to me that way again?
Am I ready to accept and admit my feelings for him?
Am I ready to be in a relationship?
When I put on the pendant he gave me and go to him, it’s all or nothing.
The truth is, I’m still terrified. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never been in love with anyone. Flings are the only thing I’m familiar with; they are short, fun, and sexy. I’m not ashamed of how many people I’ve slept with or the way I’ve decided to live romantically. And I’m happy to say that Cameron is one of the few guys I’ve slept with who doesn’t give a shit about my past, either. He’s never shamed me for it. But this situation and feelings thing is new territory for me, not him. I can’t compare myself to my sister or insert her into our relationship…if we do ever end up having one.
When did I become this girl?
Thinking about a boy all the time and questioning so many of my choices, I hate it. Maybe a push or a sign is all I need? I shake my head, annoying even myself.
“Hey Kami, Luna invited us to eat dinner with her in town at that new pizza place in like an hour,” Emma says as I enter my room.
“Shit, she texted me about that, but I was in between finals. Did you say yes?”
Em nods. “Yep. She’s meeting us here, and we’ll walk there together.”
I tilt my head. “Doesn’t she live closer to town? Why is she picking us up?”
Emma shrugs, not taking her eyes off the TV screen. “Half the campus is going home today for break, so maybe she just wanted some company.”
“Maybe,” I say thoughtfully. Luna and I haven’t seen each other for a while. We occasionally run into one another at the gym when she’s in the studio with her dance team. I miss her. I make a promise to myself here and now that I’ll start hanging out with her a lot more after winter break.
An hour later, Luna is waiting outside for us in a light winter jacket with her team’s logo on it, along with a pair of leggings. How she can do that in forty-degree weather is beyond me. She greets and hugs us before we start walking toward town. Luna talks about her semester, finals, and extracurriculars before we turn to the direction of the two large soccer fields on campus. It’s a much longer route than the one we were originally on.
“Why are we going this way?” Em voices my question.
“Just thought since no one is here this time of the semester, it would be peaceful. The sun is setting, it’s breezy outside?—”
“Luna, it’s fucking freezing, and this adds ten minutes to our walk,” Em whines.
Luna and I both roll our eyes. “Don’t be such a baby. At least the sun is still out. Suck it up.” I lightly smack Em’s butt, and she lets out a small yelp.
“What’s that over there?” My roommate points to the middle of the second soccer field where a group of people are gathered around. I squint my eyes but can’t see much from this far away.
“Didn’t all extracurricular activities end at the beginning of the month?” I ask both girls.
“I’m pretty sure they did. Let’s check it out, anyways.” Lunatakes both of our hands and drags us to the group without waiting for our response.
