Kamila,
There are exactly eight-hundred-star lights hung up on your walls.
One for each day that we spent apart.
From the night I last saw you on that beach until the day we reunited here in Driscoll on August 29th.
There were too many starry nights when you weren’t by my side. Every day without you in my life, whether the sky is full of those tiny lights or not, they will never shine properly when you’re not beside me.
I want all of my starry nights to be yours and yours to be mine.
And when it’s cloudy, we’ll make our own.
Love always,
Cameron
“I just have one question before you get all teary-eyed.” Em stares at the door. “How the fuck did he get in?”
Chapter Fifty
CAMERON
It’s Wednesday afternoon, meaning I have Thursday, Friday, and Saturday left until Kamila leaves to go back to the city. Marking exactly two weeks since Ana and David came to Driscoll.
Everything is a mess. A huge fucking mess. But I’m trying to make up for it.
The things I’ve done for her this past week I had never even remotely thought about doing for anyone else but her. I love and miss her so fucking much it physically hurts to be away from her. It feels like there’s a hole in my heart. As if a part of it is missing that only she owns. It never stopped being hers, and no matter what happens, it always will be.
However, I’m trying to respect her need for distance as much as I can.
Sure, I’m still sending her something every day as a loophole around what she asked me to do, and it seems to be working, or at least I hope it is.
Sunday was probably the hardest one to pull off. I had to ask for a lot of favors through the very limited amount of connections I have here. Will and Zo drove me to the mall and helped me find all of those lights. With the amount of traffic we hit onthe way there and back, I now owe them big time. What should’ve been a thirty-minute drive ended up being an hour and a half. I’m sure I raised my voice at a store clerk or two, which I’ve never done and regretted immediately.
As much as I am willing to do anything and everything to win her back, it has been torture not getting any face-to-face reactions or conversation. Whenever I pick up my phone to text her, I stop myself, knowing I’ll scare her away and that my efforts would’ve been for nothing. I don’t know how much longer I can go without talking to her, kissing her, touching her…not the time to be thinking about that.
The acapella group. That’s a great distraction. It took a hundred bucks to rent the suit jackets and another hundred to get them to sing the song. Forgiveness isn’t cheap, although from what I saw in the videos it looked well worth it.
On Monday, I went for something a little simpler: her favorite candle from a small store we used to go to near our high school with a card in the box. Bless Ethan and overnight shipping.
Before our final exam on Tuesday, I left a bag on her chair full of all her favorite snacks, including these very specific Colombian chips I had to order online. Professor Mills surprisingly allowed me to sit on the other side of the classroom, and I was able to give my girl her space. I’m hoping she didn’t take it the wrong way, but the explanation was in the card. Even though we were in the same room, I was still too far away to see her reaction. What I wouldn’t have given to see any sort of smile on her face.
Today, a friend of mine she hasn’t met is dropping off a simple silver necklace with a red gem I found in town. The date and time we first met in high school is engraved on the back. It’s being sent with a card stating that I don’t expect her to wear it before she’s ready. It’s not white gold or a real ruby, but Zoey went with me to make sure I got a piece of jewelry that would last.
I would spend all of my money in order to get Kami back,but unfortunately, I can’t dip into my savings. This money is coming from what I made during the past summer as a lifeguard.
Zo has been my saving grace. She says it’s because she loves Kami and I together, but I know it’s also leftover guilt from being the one who accidentally let our relationship secret slip. I don’t blame her, that fight with the dick was coming whether she was involved or not.
After setting up the stars in her room, its become harder to think of ideas for this week. I probably should’ve done the star lights last. It’s too late for doubts now. I’ve been practicing for Friday’s surprise since Monday. It needs to be perfect. Tomorrow I’ll be sending her a card as usual and nothing else.
The last couple of things need to be personal and prodigious, but not completely over the top. It’ll be a proper goodbye before we head home for the holidays.
I’ll still be sending her cards every day when she gets back to Forest Hills. Some with terrible poems and others with DIY gifts I found online that Zo helped me set up since she knew I wasn’t going to be able to afford much else.
I’m currently headed to one of the fields on campus in thirty-five-degree weather where Luna, one of Kamila’s more casual friends but a good friend of Zoey’s, is waiting for me with a large group of people. Once Zoey and I told Luna what I was attempting to do, she was on board. Kami and she might not be extremely close, but Luna luckily happens to be a hopeless romantic with the exact kind of connections I needed.
Now all I can do is try not to utterly and completely fuck this up.
