"I heard it explained like this once. They weren't talking about this specific thing. I think they were talking more about grace and redemption. But it applies to this as well."
"Okay."
"It's like this. A farmer goes out and he plows the field and he plants a seed and he sprays and he weeds and he makes sure that the soil is the right pH and has all the right nutrients in it and he harvests it and he works hard. He does a lot of work. All the while, he knows that if God does not send the rain, if God does not send the sun, without the oxygen in the air—he can't grow crops. It is not all on him, because without God, the crops can't grow. But, if the farmer doesn't put the work in, the crops also won't grow. But it's out of the farmer's hands. Does that make sense?" He lifted his hands and absently stirred his hot chocolate. The cream on the top wiggled as the chocolate underneath moved.
"I think I see. It's all God, but it's all us too."
"Yes. Exactly. God's not gonna do our work for us. There's work that we have to do that He will not do, but without Him providing what is represented by the sunshine and the rain in that analogy, our work is no good. So, we have to be ready. We have to put the work in, the practice in, the time in, and be ready so that when the rain or the sun or whatever that is in our lives comes, we're ready to do whatever God wants us to do."
"I see.”
“And I think that's the way it is with sanctification too. God does all the work for sanctification, but if we are still living in sin and don't care about cleaning up our act, then that work won't take place. Just like if the farmer doesn't plant the seed, no matter how much rain God sends, it can't grow. So yes, we get saved and God comes in and He changes us and it's all God. But we also have decisions to make. Are we going to give up our sin? Are we going to stop doing the things that we know we shouldn't do? Taking the Lord's name in vain. Committing whatever kind of sexual sin. Wasting our time frivolously instead of looking around to see what we can do for the Lord. Reading frivolous books instead of studying our Bibles. Sometimes it's as much a matter of putting things into our life as it is of taking them out."
"That's the truth. I did go through a really long time, years, where I barely opened my Bible. There was so much dust on it, and I put it away somewhere and I forgot where I put it."
"I think we all have times like that in our lives, or we're still reading our Bible, but it's just not doing anything for us, because our focus and our desires are elsewhere."
"But I suppose reading the Bible is one of the most important things, because it will convict us of our sin. Convict us that we're not being kind to people, or we're not treating others the way we should, or we're not giving our lives to the Lord, but instead we're listening to the world and we're putting ourselves first, even though it sounds like a good thing. You know, taking care of ourselves."
That really resonated with Grace, because she had been told to take time off, to heal herself, and while she didn't see anything wrong with that, just the few hours that she spent a day helping others had done more to help her mind get clear than all the time she'd taken for herself. And the Bible clearly said that we were to put others first. If she did that, maybe she wouldn't have so many mental health issues, with everyone sitting around ruminating on themselves.
It was just a theory she had, one that wasn't completely fleshed out, but one that she saw be true in her own life.
Noah picked up his mug and took a sip of his hot chocolate. Grace had to laugh as he pulled his mug away, since there was a bit of whipped topping stuck to his nose. He grinned but made no move to wipe it off.
In a move uncharacteristic for her, she felt her hand come up, and she took one finger and swiped it across his nose. She didn't linger, but maybe she went slightly slower than she needed to.
The air between them felt charged with something, though she wasn't sure what. Noah still smiled, but there were emotions swirling in his eyes she couldn't read.
She had no idea what she looked like, but her heart hammered, and her breathing felt wobbly.
They sat there, staring at each other for what felt like a very long time before Noah finally said, "Thanks."
She grinned and replied, "You're welcome."
She was the first to pull her eyes away, and they dropped to her hot chocolate, which she'd totally forgotten about. She used a spoon to stir it and took a small sip while whatever seemed to be in the air between them relaxed just a bit. Noah cleared his throat.
"I know we were talking about a lot of deep things. Things I don't typically talk to people about."
"Me either. Not without predetermining that we would. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into anything."
"No, I enjoy conversations like that. I've really been having a good time. But I didn't want you to feel any pressure."
"To perform?" she asked, strangely calm.
"Yes. I know we've been talking about God doing it, and all we have to do is prepare, but that wasn't directed at you in any way. I was just realizing that maybe you felt like it was."
"No. I took it for what it was, just us talking about God, and I actually found it encouraging. Because you're right. Part of my fear, part of what is wrong with me is the fact that I put all this pressureon myself to be good. When in reality, my preparation is what I have control over. God has control over the final product. Maybe it benefits Him more for me to not do well. I mean, that sounds a little bit weird, but it's true."
"Sometimes people can relate more to folks who seem like they're not perfect."
"Yes, exactly. I think the first time you and I talked, it was you sharing with me some of your insecurities, which made me feel like I was a little bit more normal than I felt."
"Is that what it did? I just didn't want you to think that I looked down on you or thought there was something terribly wrong with you for struggling. Because we all struggle."
"Yeah. And maybe that's what the people around me need to see. That I struggle. And that I'm not perfect. And... It's a pride thing where I want to put on this great front where all anyone ever sees is just me being perfect. And I put all of that pressure on myself, and I finally collapsed underneath it."
"Because humans aren't built to take that kind of pressure. We're built to give it to God."
