"That sounds really nice," Grace said, thinking about her own childhood and how it was nothing like that unless the extended family got together. Definitely not on a regular evening.
"How would you like to go out for hot chocolate? As a celebration for how well things went today. I don't know if the rest of the groups will be this easy, but I'm excited about it now, when before I was... doing it mostly for duty and dreading it a good bit."
Grace laughed. She knew exactly what he meant.
"Hot chocolate sounds amazing."
Whether he was asking her out to celebrate or just because he wanted to go, she didn't care. She wanted to spend more time with Noah.
It didn't take long to finish cleaning up theroom, and they decided to walk to the diner. It wasn't far. Plus, it was a warm, sunny day, which matched both of their moods. They chatted easily about the practice session, what they thought went well, a few things they thought they could improve, and strategy for younger children and older children, along with adults and special needs. That was the group Grace was really looking forward to. They would be especially enthusiastic, she suspected, and probably the most fun to work with.
Not that she wanted to play favorites or anything.
"I'm glad it went so well," she said as they sat down across from each other at the diner. Their conversation had flowed so easily, and while they hadn't talked about anything deep, their silences had been easy with no expectations. She felt completely at ease with Noah. More than she had with anyone else in her entire life, including her parents.
"Did your family sing together when you were a child? I said that earlier, and you kind of got quiet. I wanted to ask you about it, but... I didn't want to ruin the good mood."
"Oh, I don't know that you'd be ruining a good mood," she said.
The waitress came to take their drink orders, and they both ordered hot chocolate with extra whipped cream. Then, after she walked away, Grace continued.
"My parents were very strict. They were demanding and perfectionistic. They were both very wealthy, very successful in their fields, and I know that the way they raised me came from an attitude of them wanting me to be successful too, you know?"
"It's good that you can see that. I think a lot of people can't." Noah sighed and moved his placemat around a bit. "I think they just see their parents as being mean and unkind, but there are very few people whose parents actually did not like them. There are a lot of people whose parents made mistakes. Mine included. And I made a lot of mistakes raising my siblings, but that gave me a different perspective. I see that my parents weren't being mean. They were trying to raise me to be a better person. They were trying to show me the way."
"Exactly. I figured that out. I didn't have any siblings to raise. But I wish I had more affection from my parents. I wish that they would have not forced me to practice for hours and hours and hours on end. I wish I could've gone out and played with my friends, or watched TV sometimes, or just hung out and sung for the fun of it like you described. But everything was always so serious. I had to practice, I had to make the audition, I had to be first chair. I had to get the part. Get the A. And again, I know they loved me. And they were doing that out of love. But yes, there was a while when I resented it. Still, when the extended family got together, we sang and played and I loved it. That most often happened at Aunt Vivian’s house. Which is why it has such special memories. I just wish more of my childhood was like that, and that I didn’t resent what my parents did."
"Of course. Your childhood is gone, and it was a pretty tough one. But, let me ask you a question."
"Okay." She was curious. What in the world could he possibly want to know?
"Do you think you would be a successful musician today if your parents had not been so demanding?"
"That's easy. No. Absolutely not. I thought you were going to ask me a hard question."
"I think that there are some people who would have to think about that for a while and might not give their parents the credit they deserve. But it's obvious to me that, while your childhood maybe wasn't ideal, you appreciate it anyway."
"I think sometimes we don't appreciate the hard things."
"I agree. Like my parents dying. I didn't appreciate that for a really long time. I thought God was being mean. Honestly, I was tempted to walk away from my faith. The only reason I didn't was because I knew I had my siblings coming after me, and while I was angry at God and wanted to walk away from Him out of spite, I didn't want my siblings to not have a relationship with Him." He shook his head, a little grin tugging up his mouth. "That just shows how immature I was. Right? Because obviously, I knew there was aGod, and I knew that He was right about everything, but I just didn't want to give Him credit because I was angry about losing my parents."
"I'm not saying you were right, but that's a totally justifiable feeling. I don't think that there are too many people who wouldn't have felt that way."
"I don't know. Some people seem to be able to go through hardships and handle it so much better than I do. But I doubted myself. I didn't think I was good enough. I didn't know how in the world I could raise my siblings, because I was such a mess."
"You don't seem like a mess. I'd be curious to know what your siblings think about that."
"Oh I think they would say that I was a mess most of the time." He said that immediately, and then at her raised brow, he tilted his head. "Maybe not. Maybe they would say that they appreciated what I did. I know that several of them have said that they were glad they weren't the oldest and didn't have that responsibility dumped on their shoulders."
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe they left the house in a hurry because they felt like you had done enough? That they were trying to relieve you of your burden?"
Noah seemed to think about that, because he was still for a while.
Grace spoke again, feeling it out, because she hadn't really thought about it.
"I'm just wondering if that's their way of releasing you from the responsibilities that you took on. I mean, have you ever told them that you would prefer that they come back? I mean, I assume they all know that they're welcome back anytime."
"Absolutely. They are welcome back anytime, but you're right. I'm not sure I let them know. Maybe they are thinking they're doing me a favor by not coming."
