“Can’t I just be pissed I fucking lost up there? Isn’t that enough?”
“No. Everyone does eventually—”
“I don’t.”
“It’s not a big deal—”
“It is tome,” Solo thundered, the rage back and overflowing into the space between us. I’d never seen this side of him before. Annoyed Solo? Sure. Pissed Solo? Definitely. But tormented Solo was a new one.
“Solo, look at me.”
He dropped his head into his hand, rubbing his face, his back still the only part of him he’d let me see.
“Please,” I said, wanting so badly to touch him but forcing myself to stay where I was. “Just look at me.”
Finally Solo turned around, but it was clear he was on the defensive. He crossed his arms and his eyes met mine. There was an emptiness lurking there now, and I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know what the hell had changed. All I could feel was this gnawing in my gut that told me I was losing him and there was nothing I could do about it.
I swallowed hard and said the words I dreaded the response to: “Is it me?”
For a moment I didn’t think he was going to answer, but then he opened his mouth, and his words were colder than I’d even imagined.
“Yeah, you know what? It is.”
I felt as though he’d punched me in the chest, all the breath leaving my lungs in awhoosh. “What?”
“I’m all up in my head, unable to focus because ofyou. I never lose, and definitely not to a jerk-off like Utah, but I lost my shit today, and why? Because I can’t stop thinking aboutyou.”
Too stunned to say anything, I could only stare as Solo paced the room, venting all the frustration he’d been keeping inside. Which was what I’d wanted, right?
“Maybe that was your plan all along, huh?” he continued. “Get in close, fuck with my head and my dick, knock me off my game so you could win.”
My mouth fell open, his words a slap in the face. “You don’t actually believe that.”
“What should I believe, then? That we actually have some kind of future? That we’re doing anything other than screwing around before the real world comes crashing back in?” He shook his head. “This whole thing was fucking stupid. It can’t go anywhere, and we were delusional to think otherwise.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“No? Then what’s the brilliant plan, Panther? You’ve got one, right? Golden boy of the Elite, ready to claim that top spot to make your old man proud.”
I clenched my jaw. “If I wanted to make my father proud, I wouldn’t have given you the time of day.”
Solo stared at me and then began to laugh. A chuckle at first before morphing into a full-blown belly laugh. “Right. Of course. Good boy turns rebel to piss off his dad. Oldest story in the book.”
I took a step toward Solo. “Are you accusing me of using you to get at my father?”
“You said it, not me.”
I searched his face, trying to find a glimpse of the man I had fallen for. “Who are you?”
Solo shrugged. “Just a guy who got caught up in something he shouldn’t have.”
“Are you saying being with me is a mistake?”
“I’m saying there’s a big warning sign written all over your forehead, so I shouldn’t be surprised this shit ended up a disaster.” Solo grabbed his bag, but before he left, he took a few steps forward so that we were practically toe to toe. “You and me? We were never meant to work. Not in this fucking lifetime.”
21Solo
THE WAVES CRASHED against the pillars at Black Rock Cliffs beach, one after the other, the sky overhead a dark grey that matched my mood.
