How had Silver noticed?
He’d been surly at the wedding, sure, but Nate had been sure not to appear sad. He hadn’t even been sad, really. Had actually been happy, despite not liking Silver very much, that his brother had found someone and was starting a new chapter in his life. If, for a brief moment, the demonic voices in his head had pointed out Silver’s station also meant Nate could causemore damage if he messed up…He’d shut them down. Tucked them away.
Silver Rien, the Emperor of Ignite and CEO of Rien Corp, could protect both himself and Nuri from bad press. If anything, Nate should have felt more freedom, felt like he had more room to breathe, instead of the opposite.
At the wedding, the cold realization that now more eyes would be turned to him, trying to find his flaws whenever he was on Ignite just so they could use it against Nuri, had momentarily gotten to him. But Nate had done what he’d always done.
Gone to the bathroom to wallow alone and breathe through the sense of panic. There hadn’t been a shower there, of course, and even if there had been, he certainly wouldn’t have dared get his suit wet, but there was no fear of drenching himself now, while in his own home.
Showering was a part of the routine. Part of the rouse. So long as he washed off the mistakes and shortcomings of the day, he could always start tomorrow fresh. Clean slate. No matter what, Nate had to keep going.
He couldn’t be a burden.
Recollections of the other day, when Sier had torn him a new one in her office after Kazimir had left returned, and he grimaced. The hotshot’s words trickled back through his mind, tickling at his psyche like the monster it was, and Nate grit his teeth against the wave of pathetic self-loathing he momentarily felt.
He should have acted better and kept his cool longer. If he hadn’t snapped at the end there, the screaming from his boss wouldn’t have been so bad.
And that self-satisfied gleam in Kazimir’s eyes wouldn’t have been so damn bright.
Nate had been telling himself since that day that it was over, that the Devil had come to toy with him out of some sicksense of retribution for losing the race all those weeks ago, and now that he had, that was that. It was easier to convince himself when he didn’t think about the other comments Kaz had made. The more confusing ones about relationships and wanting him.
Want him? Nate? A guy like Kazimir Ambrose?
He was a total dick, sure, but he was also a Devil with a title and a future brighter than the god’s damn sun. He had money and fame and respect. He wasn’t like Nate, and therefore, there was no chance in hell he could actuallylikeNate.
It’d been a fucked-up game, a momentary blip that was now over.
Nate had to shake it, shake the cloying feeling of dread and trepidation. Shake the urge to glance over his shoulder whenever he was at work now. Kaz hadn’t shown up again, which should be further proof he wouldn’t ever.
He inhaled slowly and exhaled, imagining that all of that self-pity and doubt was spilling out of him at the same time.
Because not releasing those feelings, keeping them, and feeding them would be the same as giving up, and if he quit, he’d well and truly become burdensome. Sure, the lights were about to be shut off and he still wasn’t sure how he’d pay to keep them on. Yeah, he’d only made it to Mid tier in the races even after all these years.
Big deal that the most romantic attention he’d received since graduation had come from a psycho with control issues and a penchant for gambling.
Nate had a job and a home and siblings who loved him. That was more than many others could say. He needed to be grateful. Needed to remember that even if it didn’t feel like it, all of those things still gave him a purpose, murky as it was.
If he mattered, the world kept turning. If he mattered, no one would regret having him in their life.
Nate had to matter. He had to.
So, whether Neve was still living here or not, Nate would wash this sticky feeling down the drain, change into his pajamas, and go to bed with a smile on his face. Because that was the one thing that had ever been asked of him.
Keep it together.
Always keep it together.
Silver thought his threats were enough to get Nate to seek professional help, that much was apparent. But Nate didn’t need it.
Nate was fine.
He had to be, and it was going to take a lot more than Silver Rien to get him to admit otherwise.
Chapter 7:
Someone was sobbing in the next room, but they all pretended not to hear it as they stood around. Baikal had called this meeting, and they’d assembled at the Bunker, a secret location owned by the Brumal that not even the Imperial family could find. The bottom level, where they were currently, was mostly used for housing prisoners and interrogating, but it was also where the official Butcher conducted most of his experiments.
“Can you shut him up?” Flix acknowledged the crying first, heaving a sigh of annoyance as he set the to-go coffee cup down on the long wooden table he was seated at. He and Baikal were the only two using it, the others standing around the perimeter of the room for one reason or another.
