My shoulders sink in defeat. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I was just…I didn’t know how to feel about it. And I didn’t want everyone to make it a big deal.”
“Is it?” he asks, head cocked to the side as he studies my face. “A big deal?”
I still can’t make myself say it out loud, but I nod once, confirming my answer. He smiles sheepishly and places a hand on my shoulder.
“Text Raegan,” he tells me. “I think you two have a lot to talk about.”
I was toomuch of a coward to talk to Rae in person, so instead, after making sure Thumper was occupied with a toy bone full of peanut butter, I dialed her number. She doesn’t judge me, just listens as I rehash and analyze everything that’s happened over the past month. She admits she had no idea something was going on between me and Aidan, but it was the vampire romance book that made her start noticing.
“Not to mention, you guys disappeared for like fifteen minutes,” she says, referring to the night of the Super Bowl party. “But I could see you were happy,” she adds. “I wanted you to feel comfortable sharing it with me, but you never did.”
“It had nothing to do with you, I swear. I–I’m not good at opening up to people. I don’t know why. There’s no real reason behind it—it’s just how I’ve always been. Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to process my own emotions, so I’m embarrassed to share them with anyone else. Or, maybe it’s because it’s always just been me and my mom. I got comfortable in our tiny bubble, so inviting anyone else too close felt like too much pressure. It could be a million things, but honestly,” I heave a heavy sigh, “I’m tired of making excuses.”
I hear herhumin understanding. “Is that why you ended things with Aidan? Too much pressure?”
I swallow hard. “I’m scared,” I confess. “Not only am I having to trust someone enough to let them in, I know nothing about paranormals, Raegan. All those jokes about finding a werewolfmate were bullshit. Now I’ve somehow bonded myself to a vampire?!”
“Do you think he’d hurt you?”
I don’t hesitate. “No.”
“Then what is it?”
This time I have to think hard, but I realize the monster that’s been holding me hostage is nothing more than my own pride. “I don’t know.” Tears prick at the corner of my eyes, but I wipe them away quickly, refusing to let them spill. “It feels horrible being away from him.”
Raegan pauses for a second. “I think you just found your answer. You’re not afraid of being with him. You’re just afraid of taking the first step.”
I sniff loudly. “How do I do that?”
“Don’t think,” she says, as if it’s that easy. “Just do it.”
It feels impossible, but it’s no different than what I did when I asked Aidan for a no strings relationship. I was scared then, but I just did it, like Raegan said, and it ended up being the best decision I ever made.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
JOANNA
The only way to mend what I’ve broken is to go straight to the source. I need to talk to Aidan, but there’s one other problem I want to fix first.
Along with carrying the weight of my feelings for Aidan, something else has been adding to the load—how shitty I was to Simone. We may not be close enough to consider ourselves friends yet, but I could have walked into the coffee shop any time and apologized to her, and I never did, so that’s on me.
I need to wipe the slate clean so we can start over again, which means no longer giving excuses for my actions. I don’t know what the story is between her and Casey, but it wasn’t my place to bring it up. I don’t know if she’ll ever trust me, but I can at least let her know I feel remorse for my actions.
Before stepping inside Double Double, I stop and take a look at myself in the reflection of the window. There are several customers inside mingling and waiting for their orders at the counter. Looming over the happy and casual scene is my distressed face on the glass. I look out of place among the small town camaraderie—I always have—but especially now.
Kiki and her husband Twitty are inside, exchanging lively conversation with Mavis Bleaker, the town gossip and self-acclaimed psychic. Layton is behind the espresso machine, and I worry I’ve missed Simone, but then I see her in the corner, smiling and laughing at something Kiki has just said.
I don’t have the option of doing this over the phone, so I take a deep breath and gather my courage. I push through the door, hoping the bell doesn’t draw too much attention, and luckily for me, everyone is occupied. I slip past the two customers in line and quietly make my way over to the small group I’ve been spying on. They’re clustered in front of the bathroom, Simone with her purse dangling by her side, waiting for the polite moment to excuse herself while Kiki and Mavis blather about animatedly. Twitty looks much more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him as he stands beside his wife. Ever since Jamie’s uncle Rhett took over as town Sheriff, he seems to be much happier—likely because of the lack of stress. He’s unable to get a word in between the two outspoken women, but he’s unperturbed. He just smiles and listens, happy to be here, and I’m reminded of Aidan, lingering in the background of conversations and fighting to belong.
I’ve come to realize we’re much more alike than I thought. I might act confident in a crowd, but secretly, I just want to be accepted—I want to relate to another person—and yet, all this time, I’ve just been holding myself back.
Simone is the first to notice me. Her smile falls, but she doesn’t frown. She just eyes me knowingly, waiting for me to say something.
“Umm, hey.” I greet the group collectively. Mavis and Kiki turn to face me with welcoming expressions, Kiki immediately going in for a hug.
“How are you dear?” she asks as she squeezes my shoulders. “We haven’t seen you in a while.” She pulls back and looks medirectly in the eyes. “Still overworking yourself on that farm, are you?”
Mavistuts. “What do you expect, Keeks? It’s just her and her mother out there.”
