“Does Simone know how you feel about your family?” I ask.
“I’ve mentioned it,” she says, “but not in detail.”
“Do you really believe what your mother said, though?” Jamie asks wearily, his hand on her thigh. “That it’s the best place for her?”
Raegan presses her lips together and shrugs. “Just because I don’t get along with them doesn’t mean I should keep her from learning about her magic. My mother might be a bitch, but she’s the new head of the coven. She’s the best witch to teach her.”
I forgot about Raegan’s grandmother’s passing. It wasn’t something that was really talked about in town. The transition of power from Moira to Raegan’s mother, Birdy, was done out of the public eye, and witch business tends to be kept secret from other paranormals.
Today was the first time I’ve laid eyes on Birdy in person. She looks a lot like Raegan, or vice versa I suppose. They both have the same short, dark hair, only Birdy’s is layered with gray.
“I should talk to Simone,” Raegan suggests out loud. “I don’t want to put her in the middle.”
Jamie and I nod in agreement.
As we continue our trek through the remaining booths, I feel a wave of nausea come over me. I try eating a bite of soft pretzel from Claudia’s Bakery, but the dry dough just gets caught in my throat. Each time Raegan stops to look at something that’s caught her eye, I linger as long as possible, just to take a break from walking and seek shelter under the shade.
“You doing alright, man?” Jamie asks me while Raegan pays for a set of bracelets with healing crystals.
I nod, and he takes me at my word. Typically, he would have pried the truth out of me by now, but I know he’s focused on Raegan, trying to distract her from thinking about her family, so I don’t mind. Raegan, however, takes one good look at me, after she’s done at the booth, and decides it’s time to call it quits. We walk across the street to Double Double, and once inside, Jamie hands me a tall glass of ice water.
Simone is the only one working, but she’s currently in deep conversation with someone at the counter. After a second glance, I realize it’s the barista, Casey. Their hair that once covered their face, has been cut shorter, and they’re not wearing their typically baggy clothes that hides their frame. Currently, they’re donning a tight black T-shirt and well-fitted cargo pants.
They smile suggestively as they say something quietly to Simone, and she covers her face with her hands. Casey grabs her wrist and pulls it away. “Hey now,” they say. “I thought I was the shy one.”
Jamie clears his throat, and they both straighten. Simone rushes over to a stack of coffee cups in the sink and starts washing them while Casey tries to hide the blush at the base of their throat.
“And what have you two been up to?” Jamie asks in a telling manner.
I immediately think back to how Simone reacted to Joanna’s directness on the subject, and fear for the worst, but this time, she glances over her shoulder and smiles sheepishly. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Casey gets up from the stool, a little bit of their guarded nature rearing its head and they try to figure out what to say. “Umm, Jamie. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
He looks at Casey, all previous playfulness wiped away. “Yeah. Not a problem.”
“Actually,” Simone interrupts. “Maybe it’s best if you talk to everyone at once.” She gestures to me and Raegan. “Since they’re here.”
Casey swallows and nods. “Yeah. You’re right.”
Blinking rapidly, they begin pacing a short line across the floor, as we each take a seat. Once they’ve gathered their courage, they clear their throat, and we all wait with bated breath for whatever they’ve got to say.
Casey’s nervousness is a clear sign of how important this must be to them, so no one interrupts once they start.
“So,” they say, looking directly at Jamie, “when I first told you my pronouns, I was a young teenager. I…I wasn’t confident. I was scared and confused, and I knew something was missing, so, ummm—I wanted to thank you for seeing that and respecting what I needed at that time.” Jamie nods, but remains quiet. Casey’s head droops as they focus on their shoes. “I was always afraid I wasn’t manly enough to call myself trans, but I’ve thought a lot about it, and Simon helped me see it isn’t about being masculine or feminine, it’s just about feeling confident in myself.”
They lock eyes with Simone across the room. Casey’s heart is beating wildly, but Simone’s is calm and steady. As they hold each other’s gaze, Casey’s heart slows, and it’s clear just how much they trust each other. I feel a sting behind my eyes, but I blink it away.
Casey lets out a heavy sigh. “All that to say, I would like you to refer to me as he/him from now on.”
Less than a second passes before Raegan and Jamie are on their feet and intercepting Casey with a tight hug. They squish him between them, Raegan crying happy tears, and Jamie beaming with pride.
Simone walks over to them and kisses Casey’s cheek. “I knew you could do it. I’m so proud of you.”
I want to say something, to congratulate him, but I remain on the periphery of the moment, just as I always have. Each person here has their rock—their center of the universe—but mine won’t even speak to me.
I do the decent thing and shake Casey’s hand, then I quietly excuse myself, telling Jamie I need to rest. When I get home, I’m faced with the reality of an empty house, and I’m reminded of my loss all over again.
I’m too tired to take the steps, so I remain in the den for the rest of the night. I’m on my second drink when I feel a peculiar sensation in my chest, as if there’s something poking my lungs. It hurts to take a deep breath, and when I do, I’m struck by a fit of coughing. When I look down at my hand, I see blood.
