I thought the actual confession would elicit more of a reaction, but I feel nothing. I’m not even moved. I guess as I tried to process everything on the way here, in the back of my mind I already accepted what he is. And what he’s always been, what he still is: my Jamie.
He drops his chin and pulls his arms back, tucking them close to his torso. “I’m afraid of losing control,” he admits in a low tone. “It happens every month, and I’m afraid every time.”
I lean in and lightly stoke his forearm. It hurts me to see him like this. So vulnerable. So fearful of himself. I can’t imagine what that must feel like, having to relinquish control of your own mind and body. Not once, not twice, but every lunar cycle.
“Is that why you had a fever this morning?” I ask, still feeling the heat radiating off his skin. “Because your body is telling you it’s time to shift?”
He nods. “I always end up fighting it until the last second.”
He glances up, and when I follow his gaze I find a skylight in the center of the ceiling. Tonight, the view would be perfect for stargazing, but right now, it only serves as a reminder that Jamie’s time is almost up. The sun has spent most of the morning hiding behind rain clouds. The moon might not be visible, but it lingers out there on the horizon, inching closer and closer to its highest point in the sky.
Though I feel much better now that Jamie has actually spoken the words I needed to hear, my mind is still spinning with questions. And the next one comes out without thinking. “Idon’t understand how you’ve managed to hide this for so long. Who else knows?”
The tiniest smirk lifts the corner of his mouth. “The pack, obviously,” he starts. “And Aidan.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, my parents. But yeah. That’s it.”
Suddenly I’m struck with a new fear and I can’t help the panic in my voice. “Jamie, paranormals have to be registered. If the mayor doesn’t know about you, you could get in serious trouble.”
The words rush out of me frantically, as if Mayor Musthaven could burst through the wall at any moment. But Jamie takes my hand and gently starts rubbing circles into my palm.
“It’s okay, Rae,” he tells me. “I understand the risk.”
“I thought you were going to start calling me lemon,” I tease, my heart pumping loudly in my ears.
His lips part, and I follow the trail his tongue takes as it darts out to lick his bottom lip. “I’ll save that for a different occasion.”
My stomach does a somersault, and the new curious side of my brain wants to believe he’s implying what my body hopes he’s implying, but I can’t be sure.
“So what happens now?” I ask, trying to ignore the sudden ache in my core.
Jamie swallows hard and gazes out the tent flap to the camp beyond. “I have to shift. I can’t wait it out much longer. But it’s only for tonight. Then I’ll be back to normal.”
Back to normal.
I hate that he views this natural part of himself asnotnormal. Embracing what he is is one thing, but to embrace the act of losing himself over and over, that’s another act of strength entirely.
Suddenly he winces as if he’s gotten a sharp headache, and I notice he’s sweating more profusely now. Rivulets of sweat run from his temple and down his toned chest.
“I know there’s a lot you still want to know,” he says, “but can we finish this conversation back at our place?” he asks, his tone extremely gentle, like he’s holding a baby bird. “I promise I’ll tell you everything. Right now, it’s just getting harder for me to think straight.”
It feels like years ago that Jamie asked me to move in and I officially accepted. But it was only yesterday.
“Of course.” I stand up quickly and he rushes to my side.
“Go straight home, okay. It’s not a good idea for you to linger.”
His comment only makes me worry about him. What dangerous situation am I leaving him in?
“Is everything okay?”
He keeps his hand pressed to my lower back as he leads me through the camp, all the while keeping his eyes on those around us. “Yes, yes,” he insists. “I’ll be fine. It’s you I’m worried about. I don’t want you here when the others start to shift.”
Suddenly I’m keenly aware that I’m in a literal den of wolves, and I’m reminded of what Aidan told me about werewolves losing their human morals after shifting. I walk a little faster as we near the front gate.
“You’ll be there when I get back, right?” Jamie asks.
