“Are you staying home today?” I ask gently.
She eyes the door carefully, as if avoiding full eye contact with it. She’s still not ready to step back outside, and that’s perfectly okay. Only this time, she won’t be alone.
Instead of speaking, she slowly nods.
I hand over the plate of bacon and eggs with a side of sliced up strawberries. “Eat this, and then you can go back to bed, if you want.”
She takes it from me carefully, picking up a slice of bacon to take a bite. I watch her perk up as she chews. “You always cook it perfectly.”
Seeing her happy dance when she eats good food always makes me smile, but there’s a satisfaction in knowing I cooked it the way she likes.
“I need to text Ethan and tell him I’m not coming in,” she says quietly.
“I’ll let him know,” I say. From what she confided in me last night, I know having to talk to people will only make her anxiety worse. So, any pressure I can offload from her I will.
She knows what I’m doing, and the small tug at the corners of her lips only reassures me I’m doing the right thing.
“Are you going to stay out here, or do you want to go back to your room?” I ask.
She takes in the sight of her small apartment and I can see that her tense posture from yesterday has now relaxed.
“I’m okay here.” She settles on the couch and turns on the tv. Meanwhile, Cleetus wanders out from some unknown hiding place to plop onto her lap. He gives me a withering stare, but Raegan pats the spot next to her for me to sit down.
I expected her to want to go back to her room and eat, so I’m taking the fact that she’s in the living room as a good sign. Expanding the perimeter of her foxhole has to mean she’s feeling better.
I join her for a few minutes while she eats and we watch the first segment of a morning talk show. When she’s done with her breakfast, she rests her head on my shoulder, and I have to physically tear myself from the couch when it’s time for me to leave.
I grab my keys from where I left them on the counter the night before and come back to crouch in front of her. Cleetus snarls, but Raegan smacks him lightly on the butt.
I stare right into his territorial eyes and make sure he knows I’m the true predator here. Somehow the silent communication works, because he flees from Raegan’s lap and darts for her bedroom, tail puffed up behind him.
Raegan looks confused. “Why can’t you two just get along?”
“He just got spooked,” I say, then pull her attention back to me by placing my hand on her knee. “If you need anything, you call me. Got it?” She nods. “I’m going to open the store and check on a few inventory things, then I’m going to take the rest of the day off. I’ll be done around noon, so I’ll bring us some lunch.”
She’s looking at me with a mixture of astonishment and gratitude, and there’s a sharp pang in my chest. I don’t like that her first instinct is to be surprised by my kindness. I know she has faith in me, but I think deep down she’s somehow convinced herself that the place she’s currently in is meant to be experienced alone. But she’s wrong.
From this moment forward, Raegan will never again be surprised by my willingness to take care of her. The next time she needs to close herself in her room and hide under the covers, I’ll be right there beside her.
I place a kiss on her forehead and this time I linger just a bit longer. I close my eyes and breathe in her scent, letting everything that isherfill and recharge my soul. When I pull back, she’s looking up at me with bright and glossy eyes.
Suddenly, I have a strong awareness of my own heartbeat. It thuds against my chest as if to remind me it's there. I’m flooded with a warm sensation and my palms are sweaty. I have to force myself to stand up and look away from her.
“I’ll be back in a few hours,” I say, hoping she doesn’t hear the crack in my voice. “Hang tight.”
Raegan tucks into the couch and curls an arm around her middle. “See you then.” She’s clearly noticed me purposefully pulling away, and I want to scream that it's not what she thinks.
These small moments between us are happening more and more. Everytime she witnesses a moment of weakness from me, when my wolf manages to break the surface and attempt to seize the moment and claim her, I have to yank it back and shove it down. She probably thinks it's because I don’t want her, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The full moon is in two days, and every second that ticks by we move closer and closer to the moment I’ll have no choice but to shift. Given everything that’s happened, I don’t see myself in a situation where I’ll be able to leave Raegan’s side for more than a few hours, so how the hell am I going to successfully stay gone for two days? For twelve hours I’ll be in my wolf form, and shifting back is so exhausting I typically end up sleeping the entire next day.
After closing the front door behind me, I lean back against the frame and run a hand down my face. I still have thirty-six hours to figure things out, which means this is just another problem for future me to solve.
After a morningof zero productivity at Double Double, I stop by Kiki’s Cafe to order a pimento grilled cheese and extra crispy fries for Raegan. After checking out the specials menu, I order a fried green tomato BLT.
When it’s ready, Brendon, Kiki’s son, slides my to-go bag over the counter with a wink. The kid has only just turned eighteen yet is covered in tattoos of everything from a ketchup bottle to a koala on fire. The one time I asked about them, he said he liked having physical reminders of significant moments in his life.
I still don’t get it.
