“It doesn’t matter,” I finally answered. My fingers twitched, and like he could sense it, Caiden’s heart sped beneath my touch. “I need this.” And then softer. “Heneeds this.”
Wren shook his head and stepped further into the room to put distance between us. Behind him, his wings rustled almost anxiously. At first, I thought he meant to go to the window, but he drew his bow.
“I hope you’re sure about this.”
My gaze drifted down to the man on the bed, and when I closed my eyes, all I could see was a field of red flowers.
“I’m sure.”
His expression was still concerned, but he opened the vial of Ardor and dumped it onto the glowing tip of the arrow. I hada moment to notice that the liquid gathered at the end without spilling, some strange magic given by Fate, and then he shot me.
When the arrow entered my chest, my entire body felt like it flew apart in an arc of white light and fire.
I’d never feltpainbefore, but I was pretty sure that was what I was experiencing. It was deep, something reaching from the hollow space where a heart would be if I had one, and roaring outward, searching… searching for something it couldn’t find. My fingers came up of their own volition, reaching out to Wren like he could do something about what was happening.
He looked at me, his eyes guarded… sympathetic… and he didnothing.
He’d warned me, after all. It wasn’t like I’d gone into this blind.
As far as I knew, a Reaper had never died before, but as I drew a deep breath and it felt like flames licked along the inside of my body, I was beginning to think it could happen after all. My eyes drifted to Caiden’s pale face… and I realized it was worth it.
This was worth it.
Worth it or not, I couldn’t stop my body from doubling over, couldn’t stop the pain that slowly blossomed like a fire flower and raced through veins that I’d never actually known I had until that moment.
Everything in my body feltalive, and it was the worst feeling I’d ever experienced in my existence.
After what seemed like an eternity of battling over whether I’d be able to stand, I finally let my head drop forward so my hair covered my face. The hard, labored breathing that filled the room and overshadowed the sound of the machines beeping softly was foreign to me. I’d never been aware of my body before, aware of the function of it. The breath, the life, the chill of the air on my skin. It was so much—too much.
I finally glanced up at Wren through my hair. He was still watching me with careful eyes as I slowly rose, my fingers trembling as they connected with Caiden’s.
I couldfeelit now. The way his body was in pain, the way each breath was an arduous thing. The way he was ready—had been ready—to let go since before I’d gotten here. He’d only been holding on for… for something.
For someone.
I could feel death lingering on the edge of our periphery… No, not death.
My purpose.
For the first time, I could feel what I was here to do… and…
“Oh, gods.” I groaned, my eyes flicking from the cool hand in mine back to Wren. “Is this what it’s like tofeel?” I said it like it was a filthy word, and the gentle smile that crossed his lips was almost contrite.
“There’s a reason I’ve only taken the Ardor once.” He glanced at my chest, where the liquid white glow was slowly fading away to a soft light just beneath my skin. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
I didn’t. For the first time, I realized I had no idea what I was doing. But when my eyes turned back to Caiden, I knew it didn’t matter. Now that I could feel, Iunderstood. It was inevitable that I’d been here—it wasFatethat I’d found him. That was why Wren had pulled the arrow. That was why I could feel everything now.
“Will you stay?” I murmured, but I didn’t look away from the man on the bed as I asked. Wren sighed.
“I don’t know what else I can do for you, Sephtis.” Even as he said it, his wings rustled and settled against his back, and he leaned against the wall.
“Tell me if the hounds come.” My eyes were caught on Caiden’s lips, his pale skin. “I won’t be long.”
He didn’thavelong, whether I wanted to keep him here or not. I could feel that too, and I hated it.
What was I going to do if these feelings didn’t go away when the man I was looking at died?
As I leaned down and brushed my mouth against Caiden’s, I realized it didn’t matter.
