“No.” That word again, like it was the only thing he could say to me. It sounded desperate now, though. Afraid. “No, Cole. If you want to see where I’m going, I’ll take you. If you want to hate me even more after, you can… but you can’t…” His breath shook, like he was trying to find the strength to speak. “You can’t hurt yourself. You can’tdie. Please.”
I was too dizzy to tell him I hadn’t actually meant to hurt myself. I didn’t know what pulling on the thread would do. I hadn’t realized it would… what… make whatever was keeping me alive slowly leak from my chest?
I’d just wanted him to be…
“Honest.” I groaned out the last word. “You have to be honest with me.”
If he wanted this to be something.
If he wanted me to believe my brother really had made him promise to take care of me.
I didn’t believe in love at first sight, or soulmates, or any of that bullshit. But honesty… fuck, it could blossom into fields of crimson, a place we could stay in even outside of dreams.
It could build something real, and Ineededreal with everything that was happening. With a monster, demon dogs, and Death… I needed somethingreal.
“You don’t understand,” he said again. “But I’ll show you, if that’s what you need. Just…” His fingers twitched in my shirt, stemming the flow of that white stuff like he was determined to make sure I didn’t spill a single drop. “Cole, none of this is your fault.”
He said it like I had a choice—yanking on that thread had been impulsive, and I could feel the edges of my world starting to go fuzzy as he walked us out of his apartment building and down the street to a run-down house.
“What are you doing?” I was pretty sure I asked the question aloud as he turned and ran his shoulder into the door, sending it flying off its hinges with a splintering sound that reminded me he wasn’t human at all… that maybe I couldn’t expect him to have human reactions to shit like me starting a fight.
Fuck.
I really didn’t know him at all, and I seemed determined to make sure that I didn’t stay alive long enough to let myself.
“This isn’t your fault.” He said it again as a man stumbled into the room. “He’s not even a good person, Cole. He lost custody of his children because of his anger. He’s killed people because of negligence and drugs. You’re worth more than he is.”
Sephtis raised his hand, even though the man’s eyes were all for me. Like he couldn’t see the monster standing at my side.
And I realized what he meant—I knew. I’d known before, but I’d wanted him to tell me.
“You can’t kill people because of me, Sephtis.” I swayed on the spot, but his eyes were all for the asshole in front of us who’d pulled a gun.
“What are you doing in my house?”
I’d never had a weapon pointed at me and felt so little concern.
“Sephtis, you can’tkillpeople to keep me alive. You can’t just make that decision for me and expect me to live with it.”
He still wasn’t looking at me. “I’d kill the world and everyone in it. I’d reap every soul and build you a lake of their Vitality to keep you with me. I’m not human like you, Cole.” He moved his arm, his fingertips barely touching the man who was still saying something aboutget the fuck out of my house,andI’ll shoot you.
His body went flying, crashing into the wall and sending his gun skittering out of his hand.
“You can’tkilleveryone to keep me alive.”
Every time he’d left, is that what he’d been doing? Every time I felt weak and then he held my hand, was he feeding me someone else’s life?
Fuck.
“Watch me,” he said, and stepped toward the prone figure on the floor. As soon as he stopped touching me, I swayed. The flow of white had finally stopped spilling down my front, but there was black still seeping all across the edges of the frayed thread. Black… was that my soul now?
Was that who I was because of what I’d done?
I couldn’t let someone die because of me—I couldn’t let Sephtisdosomething like this for me.
I wasn’t worth it.
Chapter 20
