The raider turned her dark eyes to me, and the smirk that curled at the corner of her mouth told me she knew exactly what we’d been doing.
Again.
Fuck, was every single person in this camp going to realize I was fucking their leader? Did it really matter?
I realized it didn’t. Shame wasn’t enough to make me give this up when it felt as good as it did. It wasn’t enough to make me stop when my body was still aching from the way Phoenix had fucked me like he wanted to run straight through me.
He’d left me boneless and thoughtless, and the lingering sensations of those feelings made it easy for me to offer Blythe a charming smile.
“We saw a board when we were clearing the left side of the buildings while you two were fighting that rabid.” Her eyes flicked to where the bear had been before, and I noticed it was gone.
Fuck. I really hoped that wasn’t what they were trying to feed me. I knew most of the animals were infected, though cooking the meat until it was almost too burned to enjoy cleared the risks. Still, that thing had been so far past gone it was rotting.
“Did you?—”
“We burned it. That shit was slimy. I’ll send Cutter for the map.” She looked me over one more time, her eyes lingering on the collar at my throat. When she turned and let out a low whistle, one of the younger raiders lifted his head.His sandy hair was sticking up at odd angles, and his hazel eyes were full of warm irritation when they flicked to me.
He had a collar on too, though his was just a simple silver chain.
“How many of these people have you fucked?” The question came out before I could stop it, but Phoenix just smirked.
“What’s wrong? Jealous?”
I rolled my eyes, my fingers coming up to touch the collar he’d put on me last night. “No, I?—”
He grabbed my wrist in warning. I wasn’t going to tell him that I hadn’t been trying to take it off. There was something about the press of the metal that served as a reminder of who I was and who I wasn’t. Who I could never be again.
“Cutter. Zero. Cora. Does it really matter? I’m fucking you now.” The warmth in his voice, the heat under the words, told me that if I wasn’t careful, he’d drag me into the room so he could do it again. As much as the thought of getting lost in the pain was enticing, a bigger part of me wanted to get out andmove.
I wanted the danger of unexplored areas, the threat of death. And even if I wouldn’t admit it, a small part of me craved how good it had felt to fight alongside Phoenix yesterday.
I didn’t let myself think of all the reasons it couldn’t feel good. I dropped my hand to my side and turned my eyes to him.
“You’re right. It doesn’t matter.” Before he could decide if I was saying what we were doing wasn’t important or not, Iadded. “If we can find a map, we can at least scout the area. I’m sure there’s more than just one bear here. Those raiders didn’t seem prepared, and it looks like they kept most of their shit here. Who knows if they’ve even explored the rest of the resort, let alone secured it? There could be other groups waiting for a fight.” I tilted my head and looked at him through my lashes. “Why don’t we go find some trouble?”
I didn’t have to say the wordtogetherfor it to burn along the edges of my question, and I didn’t feel bad that I was asking him to risk his life to go out and explore with me.
“Sure, Aubrey. Let’s take a walk.”
By the timewe finished walking around the edge of the resort, we’d learned a few things. There was an old fence that ran most of the perimeter, though there were spots that looked like they’d been pulled apart that would need repairs if we wanted the location to be secure.
There was also an area that looked like it had been a moat on one of the outer edges. It was in front of a drop-off and over a lot, and I had to imagine once upon a time they’d used it for decoration. We didn’t have to look into it to hear the growling and snarling from the infected that had fallen in, and I didn’t want to get close enough to alert them we were here. They were already so keen on sniffing out carriers that I had to wonder if the way their cries picked up was because they could sense us close.
They seemed stuck, though. The ladder that led down into the pit was long since gone.
We could worry about clearing them out later.
“We should probably head back. Fuck knows what the others are doing. Now that we have the lay of the place, we can make a plan for tomorrow.” There was only a small part of me that flinched at the wordothers. I hated the way Phoenix and his raiders functioned better than the Order ever had—he talked about them like they were family, whereas I’d seen squad turn on squad the second one of them had shown signs they weren’t immune.
How were raiders better than the people who swore to protect the rest of us?
“Sure, let’s head back.”
As we were circling around to the entrance of the resort and my eyes were fixed on the map, silently calculating how many weeks it would take us to safely clear and secure everything, the sensation of something slamming me into a wall knocked the breath from my chest.
It took me a second to realize it hadn’t been something attacking me—instead, Phoenix had shoved me out of the way as an infected sprang forward. It used to be a woman, and I wasn’t sure why I got caught up on the way her red hair matted with thick, dried blood to the side of her head, especially when one swing from Phoenix’s axe sent it flying from her shoulders.
“You really need to pay more attention, you?—”
