‘I was almost too late,’ he rasped, his hand falling to his side. ‘I saw you lying in the sand and I thought I was too late.’
Aya pushed herself up, her body screaming in protest. She gritted her teeth against the pain. ‘This is not your fault.’
‘Don’t,’ he growled. ‘Don’t do that. Don’t try to assuage my guilt.’
She took a step toward him, marking the way his fingers dug into his palms. The way his body trembled. ‘It was my choice.’
‘You almost died.’
‘It wasmychoice. If you’re going to be angry with anyone, it should be me.’
‘Fine,’ Will spat. ‘I’m fucking furious with you too.’
‘Good. I could have done horrific things—’
Will was in front of her in an instant, his hands gripping her shoulders as he scanned her face. Rage swirled in those river-stone eyes, rage and something else that roughened his voice as he said, ‘I don’t give a fuck what you almost did with those godsforsaken people. The only thing I care about is that I can feel the warmth of you right now.’
Her eyes burned as his thumb rubbed small circles against her shoulder, as if to prove to himself that she was here. That she was real. She didn’t deserve that warmth – that understanding. And yet she wanted it. She craved it, just like she craved the feeling of his rough callouses on her skin, of his arms wrapped around her the way they’d been in the king’s study. It was a hunger deeper than anything she’d ever felt.
His chest rose and fell in jagged movements, his breath brushing across her lips as he tugged her closer. ‘You don’t have to do this. You do not have to be a weapon for Gianna to wield. We can damn the prophecy to hells. We can disappear and make sure they never find us.’
Aya shook her head, her throat tight with emotion. ‘I have power that could help in this war. I have to find a way to use it.’
‘Not if it’s a suicide mission, Aya!’
‘There must be—’
‘You will not sacrifice yourself for this war.’
‘I will do what is necessary to protect our kingdom.’
He released her as he took a single step back, her body going cold with the small distance. She tried to reason with him. ‘It is my duty. To our gods. To our queen. I took an oath—’
‘To hells with your oath!’ he roared, his arms flinging wide.
‘What you speak of istreason,’ Aya shot back, hating the tremor in her voice. She didn’t know why her heart ached so fiercely, but something in his words had unmoored her. Perhaps it was that he wanted to fight for her – to give her the choice when no one else had.
Will’s voice was a quiet rumble, like the first thunder of an oncoming storm. ‘She will use you until she is through with you. She has no loyalty to you. Nolovefor you.’
Aya had never seen him like this, so unnerved. His breathing was uneven, his eyes wet with unshed tears. ‘And I won’t be able to stop her. So to hells with your oath.’
The confession was soft. Broken. One of those tears slipped down Will’s face as he stared at her. ‘EverythingI’ve done has been to protect you. To keep you from this. And I’ve failed.Every timeI’ve failed. I couldn’t keep you away from Gianna. I couldn’t keep you from those masochists in the desert. And I can’t – I can’tbreathewhen I think of how many times I’ve almost lost you. Of how many times I’ve utterly failed you.’
The words cracked something deep inside her as she took in the pain and the frustration and the longing in his gaze.
No one had ever failed her less.
She reached for him as if on instinct, but Will caught her wrist, giving his head a shake. ‘Don’t,’ he muttered. Her owneyes burned as she swallowed, trying to get her throat to work.
‘Why not?’
His eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment, as if he were in pain, and he gave her wrist a light squeeze. Silence stretched between them, so long that she was afraid he wouldn’t answer, was afraid she’d somehow misunderstood. But Will’s eyes darkened, his hand sliding up her wrist to curl around her hand. He brought it to his chest, where she could feel the thunderous beat of his heart.
‘I don’t … my control isn’t …’ He grappled for words, his gaze darting between her eyes and her lips. ‘It’s too much,’ he breathed. ‘I’m feeling too much.’
Aya blinked as she realized exactly what he was holding back from.
His trembling wasn’t rage.
