And now we've lost our first two games of the season.
My hotel room is too quiet after the noise of the lobby bar where we had a few drinks to try and drown our sorrows. I lean back against the headboard, still in my dress shirt and slacks, unable to settle into my regular post-game routine. Everything is off without Rylan's steady presence.
My phone buzzes.
Rylan:"My dad asked to go to rehab. I'm going to take him to that place in Vancouver."
"That's amazing news. How are you doing?"
The three dots pop up and disappear a couple of times, and I can almostseehim weighing each word, deciding how much to share.
"I'm doing okay. I think maybe we both are."
Somehow, his responsefeelsless guarded than usual. Don't ask me how Ican tellfrom a text. It's a gutfeeling.
"Want to talk about it?"I offer, holding my breath.Say yes, say yes...
Three dots again.
"Not sure I wouldknowhow. It's been a weird day."
I smile despite myself. Trust Rylan to call an emotional breakthrough with his alcoholic father 'weird.'
Before I can respond, he texts again."I need to tell you something."
Well, fuck.My heart speeds up.
"What's that?"
"I should have told you this sooner. In San Diego."
My hands start to shake.Jesus, Pirelli, calm the fuck down."You can always tell me anything, Ry."
Those motherfucking three dots start, stop, and start again. My palms sweat as I wait for his reply.Please don't end this. Not when we're just getting started.
"You were my first."
It's like I've been cross-checked from behind. I read the words again. And then again.He can't mean…
"First what?"
"My first time with another man."
The words blur on the little screen.
"Wait. Are you saying..."I stop, delete it, and try again."It was?"
Those goddamn dots taunt me.Fuck it, I can't do this over text.
My hands shake as I hit the call button. The screen is dark for a moment before he appears. His hair is a bit messy as if he's been running his hands through it. Hockey posters are taped up on the wall behind him. He's in his childhood bedroom.
"Hey,"he says softly, and fuck, he looks good.
"Hey."My voice comes out lower than usual."So, um… That night was… your first…?"
"Yeah—I mean—with a man. I've been with women before. But… yeah."
All the air leaves my lungs in a whoosh.Holy fuck. Holy fuck.Memories from that night wash over me. How responsive he was, how he trembled when I touched him, how vulnerable he looked afterward...
