Holy shit. Is this even real?I've wanted tohearthese words from my father for so long, now that he's saying them, I can hardly believe they're real.
"That's… Wow, Dad, I'm happy tohearyou say that."I don'tknowhow to react. I'm scared of doing or saying something that will make him change his mind.
"So, I, um... I have a friend…. on the team. His mom is a psychologist and she recommended a place,"I say the words carefully, not wanting to break this fragile moment."It's in Vancouver. They specialize in…"I trail off, unsure how to label his problems in a way that doesn't sound judgemental.
"Drunk old men who've wasted twenty years?"His laugh is bitter, but it doesn't have the angry edge I'm used to."Who've pushed away the only family they have left?"
"Dad—"
"Your mother would be so ashamed of me."He runs a hand over his face, wincing at the movement."And Nick... Christ, your brother would kick my ass if hecouldseeme now."
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I ignore it, even though part of me wants to check. I already need the reminder that I'm partof another world, that I do have another life. One where not everything is so heartbreakingly sad.
"When can I go?"Dad asks quietly."To this place in Vancouver?"
That catches me off guard. I'd spent the journey home psyching myself up for the usual dance we do around his drinking. The denial, the resistance to getting help. But this… I try not to let my surprise show."I'll call and find out. If they can take you quickly, I'll go with you and make sure you're set up properly."
He nods slowly."Good. That's... good."His hands twist together in his lap."Will you..."He stops and swallows hard."Will you visit? While I'm inthere? I mean, I don'tknowhow long I'll be… and with your schedule…"
The vulnerability in his voice makes my chest ache."Of course, Dad. Vancouver's only 3 hours from Seattle. It'll be a lot easier to find time to visit."
"I haven't given you much reason to accept this,"he continues."But I'm so sorry, Rylan. You deserved a better father than what I've been."
I have to look away, as my eyes fill with tears. All these years of wanting him to acknowledge the pain he's caused, and now that he has, it's confusing me. I can't figure out how to react.
My phone buzzes again, and this time I pull it out of my pocket to check it. I need a minute to collect myself.
Jamie:"Charlie's threatening to reorganize your stall 'the British way.' Should I be worried?"
Despite everything, my lips twitch. The reminder of my life outside this sadness is so welcome.
"Someone important?"Dad asks. His tone of voice makes my heart race.
"Just a teammate,"I say automatically. But then I remember Lou's reaction this morning. His easy acceptance.
Maybe… Maybe it's time to stop hiding.
The big knot of fear and dread lurches in my stomach, but I steel myself. I don't have to do everything at once, but maybe I can do a little."Jamie Pirelli,"I say quietly."He's new this year. He's... been helping me with some stuff."
Dad's quiet for a moment, and I brace myself for... something. Judgment? Disappointment? But when he speaks, his voice is gentle.
"Good,"he says simply."You shouldn't have to handle everything alone."
The acceptance, however small, makes my throat tight."Yeah,"I manage."I'm learning that."
The silence stretches between us, but it's different now. A little less heavy with unspoken accusations.There's a tentativefeelingof the possibility of... something. Healing, maybe. Or at least hope.
Chapter 21
JAMIE
When the puck drops for the game against the Minneapolis Stars, my body moves on autopilot. But everything seems off without Rylan.
The first period stays scoreless, but not for lack of chances. Austin and I sync up with Charlie pretty easily, leading to some great chances. But we can't execute. Our passes are perfect and our positioning is flawless, butthere's no spark.
In the second period, Dallas scores twice in quick succession. We're able to claw one back on a beautiful play I set up for Charlie, but we're still in the hole.
As the clock ticks down in the third, we can'tgetanything going, and with two minutes left, they catch us on a bad line change, making it 3-1. In a mad scramble at the end, Coach pulls Lou and sends Gagnon out as the extra attacker, but it's no use. The horn sounds without another goal.
