I have to grip the handle of my rolling suitcase to steady myself. All these years, and he knew. Heknew.
"And now Jamie..."Louis's voice trails off.
"I can't—"My voice breaks."The team, my dad, hockey…"
"None of that is worth destroying yourself over."Louis cuts me off gently."Of course, I'd never say anything. But you deserve tobe happy, Rylan. To be yourself. With whoever makes you feel safe enough."
The Uber pulls up to the curb.
Lou turns to me, his usual mischievous grin replaced with something fierce and protective."Come here, you idiot."
He pulls me into a crushing hug, the kind we haven't shared since Mom's funeral."I've got you,"he whispers."I always will. Nothing changes that."
My throat closes up. I grip the back of his jacket, struggling to swallow the tears that burn behind my eyes.
"Thanks, Lou,"I manage to choke out.
He pulls back, squeezing my shoulders."Text me when you land. And Rylan?"His voice turns serious."Stop punishing yourself for being happy. Nick would never have wanted that."
I can only nod, not trusting my voice. Lou grabs my bag, puts it in the trunk, and then watches the rideshare pull away.
My oldest friend. My fiercest defender.
I don't even want to allow myself to imagine what my life could be like if...Fuck. Maybe…
Chapter 19
JAMIE
Iwatch from the lobby windows as Louis gives Rylan a fierce, protective hug. It makes my chest ache.
Our awkward bro-hug was all Rylan could handle. That was all he was able to risk in public. I understand it, but that doesn't stop me from wanting more.
The Uber pulls away, and when he turns to walk back inside, hisusuallyplayful expression is deadly serious.
"So,"he says, coming to stand beside me."You and Rylan."
It's not a question. I keep my eyes on the street outside."Is that... obvious?"
"To me? Yeah."His broad shoulders are tense as he pins me with his dark-eyed glare."Look, Pirelli–"
"Jamie."
"Jamie."His voice softens a bit."I've known Rylan Collings since we were kids. He's been through more shit than you or I can even imagine. And because of it, I've watched him build walls so high he can't see over them anymore."
I swallow hard."I know."
"Do you? Because if this is just a hookup for you--"
"It's not."The words come out sharper than intended. I lower my voice."It's notjustanything."
Louis studies me for a long moment. "Okay," he says finally. "Good."
We stand in silence, watching morning traffic crawl past.
"At the meeting this morning,"Louis sayseventually."Austin's gonna be suspicious as hell about why you helped him last night when he wouldusuallycall me."
Right. There will be questions."What should I say?"
