Lou's eyebrows shoot up, but he doesn't comment at the way I agree to accept help without argument.
Jamie stands, checking his phone."Your Uber's three minutes out."
I get up too fast, almost sending my coffee flying. Jamie steadies it without a word as if he was somehow expecting it to happen.
"Thanks,"I say.For the coffee save. For last night. For everything. The word isn't nearly enough, but something in his eyes tells me he understands.
When he looks at me, Jamie's eyes are soft in a way I can't handle right now. I manage an awkward bro-hug, pulling back before I do something stupid like nuzzle my face into his neck and take a big lungful of his comforting scent.
"Text when you land?"he asks.
I nod, not trusting my voice. Lou pretends not to notice the... whatever it is that's going on between us.
"Come on,"Lou grabs my bag."I'll walk you down."
"So,"he begins as we're walking across the lobby."Pirelli was helpful last night?"
My heart rate spikes. Shit, has he noticed something?"Yeah,"I swallow hard, my mouth tasting like sandpaper."I'm—Yeah, he helped a lot, actually."
He turns to look at me as if he's seeing something he never has before. Dread crawls up my spine.
"I'm really glad,"he saysfinally, his voice neutral in a way that isn't neutral at all."It's good that you let someone help."
"Is it?"My laugh comes out bitter, and look down at my feet."I'm supposed to be able to—"
"To what? Handle everything alone?"He cuts me off."Like you've been doing since we were teenagers?"
"I don't—"
"Rylan."Something in his tone makes me stop. I lift my head to look at him, my heart pounding.
"Don't."His voice is gentle but firm."I've known you too long, Ry. I see... stuff. Changes."
My heart pounds against my ribs."Lou…"
"He's good for you,"he continues, his voice soft."Whatever it is... whatever label you want to use... I haven't seen you let anyone get this close to you since Nick."
I close my eyes, my heart racing. We're so close to naming it—this truth I've never been able to voice, even to my best friend.
"I don't know how to do this,"I admit, my voice quiet.
"Do what? Accept help? Let people care about you?"He squeezes my shoulder."You could start by not pushing away the people who want to be there for you. All of you."
The weight of what he isn't saying, the thing he's not forcing me to say out loud but seems to understand, makes a huge lump rise in my throat.
Something in my chest cracks open at the way he's giving me space to be honest without demanding I say something I'm not ready for.
"Louis, I—"The words stick in my throat. Years and years of hidingand suddenly I'm desperate to tell him everything. About Jamie. About who I am. About how fucking terrified I am to let anyone see this part of me.
"Hey."His smile is warm and genuine. The smile of a true, best friend."You don't have to say anything. Not until you're ready. I just need you to know that nothing changes for me. No matter what."
Tears burn behind my eyes."How long have you..."
"Known? Or suspected?"He shrugs, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth."Remember juniors? That billet family's son who used to hang around practice?"
My breath catches. Michael. Dark-haired, quiet Michael who used to watch me when he thought I wasn't looking. Who I tried to never look back at. Or at least, not when anyone would notice.
"The way you avoided him,"Louis continuescarefully."It wasn't because you didn't like him. It was because you did."
