“Safe travels,” I manage to say as he heads for the door.
"I'll talk to you later," he says warmly as he heads out.
I spend the rest of the day feeling unsettled, and I don’t like it one bit. There’s no reason I should be feeling so out of sorts just because I’m on my own for a few days. For god’s sake, I’ve been on my own for more than twenty years.
But of course, I know that’s not the real reason for my off mood. I miss Jesse. The thought sends a jolt of surprise through me. It’s absolutely ridiculous. We’ve been spending so much time together since our weekend at Disneyland, and now, I find myself relying on having him around like I haven't done since Richard. The warmth of his laughter, the way his eyes light up when he talks about things he's passionate about, like the shelter project, even the simple way he moves through a room—it's all become a part of my daily rhythm.
Uncertainty gnaws at me, a persistent itch I can’t scratch. A strange sense of dread hangs over me, making me restless. The day drags, and I can’t help but wonder how I arrived here. After spending so many years being so very careful to protect my heart, somehow Jesse has woven himself into the fabric of my life in only a few weeks. As I stare out the window, I grapple with a truth that’s both terrifying and exhilarating—I have feelings for Jesse that go far beyond what I intended.
Early in the evening I'm standing in the kitchen, trying to decide what to make myself for dinner, when my phone rings. A smile spreads across my face when I see Jesse’s name on the screen.
“Hey there, handsome. How’s San Francisco treating you?”
“It’s good to hear your voice.” The warmth in his tone makes my heart skip a beat. “The city’s the same as always. Foggy and full of hipsters.”
I chuckle, leaning against the counter. “Interesting. How did your day go?”
“It went well, actually. Jeff and I got a lot of prep work done.” He pauses, and I can sense something’s off.
“What’s wrong? You sound tense.”
Jesse sighs heavily. “Andrew contacted me.”
My stomach drops. “Oh?” I try to keep my voice neutral, but a knot of anxiety forms in my chest.
“Yeah. He… he wants to meet me for dinner tomorrow night after Jeff and I are done with our meeting.”
I close my eyes, willing myself to stay calm. “I see. And how do you feel about that?”
He sighs, heavily. “Honestly? I’m not sure. Part of me wants to tell him he needs to fuck right off, but…” He trails off.
“But another part of you needs closure,” I finish for him.
“Yeah. I think I might go. Is that… Do you think I should see him?"
The question hangs in the air between us. I want to say no, to beg him not to see Andrew. But that’s not fair. “It’s not really for me to say, Jesse. You need to do what’s right for you.”
“I know. But I just… I wanted you to know. To be honest with you.”
“Thank you,” I say.I can handle this.I trust Jesse. Absolutely, I do. It's just that… he was so broken up about the end of his marriage. What if he sees this as a chance to fix everything and get his life back on track?
“Any idea what he wants to talk about?” I ask, not sure if I want the answer.
“No,” Jesse sighs noisily. “Who the fuck knows with him.”
“Hmm. I wonder what it could be?” I muse. “Maybe he has to tell you that his pecker got chopped off in a tragic lawnmower accident.”
Jesse gasps in shock before bursting into laughter, a sound that makes me light up. “Maybe that’s it."
I snort a laugh. “Or maybe he has to let you know the airline's transferred him to Antarctica.”
Jesse chuckles. “Or maybe he’s been demoted to baggage handler, and now he's asking for alimony.”
My next words spill out before I can stop them. “Maybe his girlfriend kicked him to the curb and he's going to beg you to take him back.”Dammit.I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction.
He snorts. “Maybe he’s shit out of luck on that one.”
I understand what he's getting at, but for some reason my mind fixates on the word "maybe".Maybe he's shit out of luck… Or maybe he isn't? Jesus fecking Christ, could I be a more pathetic twat?
