After a quick pit stop in our room to change clothes, we head down for dinner. “Okay, so because I’m kind of a high-maintenance snob, this will probably be the only night we eat in the actual main dining room,” he says with a sheepish grin. “I bought us a special dining package, which means we’ll be eating at specialty restaurants for the rest of the week.”
He looks incredible right now, having swapped out the plain white tee he was wearing to the party on deck for a simple, baby blue linen button-down and loose-fitting white linen shorts. He’s put some kind of sparkly bronzer on his cheekbones, and a hint of eyeliner makes his blue eyes pop. He’s also added a touch of shiny gloss to his full, pink lips, and I grind my back teeth together as my cock twitches in my shorts.Smarten up, Davies.Last night was a onetime thing. I’m sure of it. And even if Penn was open to a repeat, that would almost surely lead down the road to heartbreak, and that is a place I am not willing to visit.
A maître d’ leads us to a table for two beside a window. The sun has just set, so the sky is a soft, velvety blue against the darker ocean. We’re already far enough out to sea that there are no lights visible, which gets me thinking about the vastness of the ocean and how small we are in comparison. I don’t have much experience being out on the water, though I’ve always lived onthe coast. I do like the idea of being miles away from civilization though. Must be part of my introverted, antisocial nature.
“So. Tell me what you think so far,” Penn says after our waiter has taken our orders and brought us each a glass of wine. He smiles, but his eyes hold a hint of uncertainty. “I know we just got on board, but I also know cruise vacations aren’t for everyone. I’m just hoping you don’t hate it already.”
“No way,” I reassure him. “I definitely don’t hate it. I admit, it’s a lot. There’s so much going on, and some of it feels kind of over-the-top. But I’ll get used to it.” I take a sip of my wine. “I really like the concierge lounge. I can see myself spending time up there, reading or people-watching.”
He nods eagerly. “Yeah, I love that place. We didn’t get to it today, but there’s also a private deck up top where they have these big, shaded day beds, so you can lie there and read or nap in shady pseudo-privacy. It’s amazing.”
“That sounds perfect.” I smile at him again, thinking that a quiet afternoon reading in the shade while the ocean breeze caresses my skin sounds like perfection.
Our meals arrive a few minutes later, and we both dig in eagerly. The food is delicious, and for a few minutes, we’re quiet as we enjoy.
“So, um, I want to thank you for coming with me,” Penn says after taking a sip from his wine. He drops his gaze to where he’s playing with his glass, turning it back and forth while sliding the narrow stem between each of his fingers.
I blink at him. “God, Penn, don’t thank me. I’m the one who needs to be thanking you. This has all been incredible so far. Seriously, thank you.”
“No, but what I mean is that I, um…” He takes a deep breath, then swallows hard. “I know you’ve never really…” He clears his throat. “I know you’re not my biggest fan. And I know Serah had to push you to come along with me. I just want to thank you fortaking the chance. I really didn’t want to come alone.” His voice is quiet, and his cheeks are flushed a soft pink.
Shame hits me square in the chest, and my own cheeks burn with embarrassment. I’ve acted like a real uptight prick toward Penn for years now. I never thought he would notice, assuming he was always too wrapped up in himself. Apparently, I was wrong.
Before I can even begin to come up with an answer of some kind, he continues. “And, um, this is sort of embarrassing, but I’m not sure if I did something to make you feel that way or if I’m just… you know, ‘too much.’” He uses air quotes around the words. “I mean, I get it. I’m a lot.” He chuckles self-consciously and moves from fiddling with his wineglass to picking at the edge of the napkin in his lap, still not meeting my eyes.
An awkward silence descends on us while I try to figure out a way to explain myself. When I finally work up the guts to look at him, he looks embarrassed, which makes me feel even worse. Sweat trickles down my spine, and I resist the urge to cross my arms across my chest, as if somehow that will shield me from embarrassment. My prejudices toward people with money led me to treat Penn as if he’s some kind of joke for all these years. Of course, the fact that I find him incredibly attractive only made me angrier and more resentful toward him. But he never did a single thing to warrant that shitty behavior from me, and he deserves to know it’s my own stupid pride that planted that chip firmly on my shoulder. He’s not those same asshole kids who taunted me in school because my family wasn’t rich.
Finally, I take a deep breath, and when I meet his eyes, his gaze is open and honest. The soft lighting and flickering candlelight from the electric votives on the tables highlight the blond streaks in his wavy hair. He runs a hand through it anxiously while biting down on his plump bottom lip. I have to stop myself from reaching out and gently pulling that lip outfrom between his teeth. I want to kiss it better, soothe it with my own tongue.Fuck, Hunter. Pay attention, asshole.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. “Penn, I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel that way. That’s completely on me. It’s my insecurity; it has nothing to do with you.”
He gives me a skeptical look. “Really? It’s not me? Come on, I mean, I know I can be a little much. Not everyone is on board with my whole…” He gestures to himself. “Thing.” He lets out a wry chuckle. I reach across the table, grabbing the hand he’s using to play with his glass, desperately wanting him to believe it when I tell him the issue is mine, not his.
“Seriously, Penn. I’ve been a dick to you for a long time, and I am genuinely sorry. It’s one hundred percent my issue.” I suck in a deep breath, letting it out slowly before continuing. “I told you the other night that my grandparents didn’t have the kind of money that the other families in our neighborhood did, yeah?”
He nods, and a little part of me thrills that he hasn’t pulled his hand away from mine.
“So, I didn’t really go into it because I don’t love talking about it, but I got bullied a lot because my family wasn’t wealthy. I guess I let my anger toward those asshole kids convince me that everyone with money is the same. And even though I’ve known you all these years and you’ve never done anything like that, I still let my own prejudice affect the way I’ve treated you, and I’m really, really sorry.”
Chapter thirteen
Hunter
At first, Penn looks surprised when I grab his hand and apologize for being a complete prick to him for as long as I can remember. Almost like he wasn’t expecting such a sincere reaction, even though it definitely took some balls to ask me basically point-blank why I’ve acted like such an asshole for so long.
“Thanks, Hunter. I appreciate you clearing that up,” he says. He pulls his hand out from under mine, and immediately, I miss the connection between us. He gives me an embarrassed smile, shifting in his chair and reaching for his wine glass.
“You appreciate it, but you don’t really believe the reason I’ve been a dick isn’t because of you, right?” I ask.
He shrugs. “It’s fine, Hunter. It’s no big deal. I’m just glad I wasn’t imagining it the whole time.”
Ireallydon’t like the idea of my behavior making Penn feel like he’s “too much” or whatever story he’s telling himself right now. I don’t like that my behavior has reinforced the shitty way his family treated him for his whole life. He deserves so much better. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I make asilent promise that by the end of this week together, he’ll truly understand that the reason I’ve treated him so badly isn’t his fault. I also make a silent promise to never treat anyone that way again.
“So, I don’t know about you,” he says as we’re finishing dessert, “but I don’t know if I’m in the mood to hit the club tonight.”
I gape at him, doing a shit job of hiding my surprise. “Seriously? You don’t want to go out tonight? I thought you’d be all about the onboard nightclub.”
“Yeah, well, there are probably a few things about me that will surprise you, Mr. Davies.” He smiles. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to spend this trip doing more relaxing than partying.”
