I heave a sigh and answer the phone, knowing she’s going to be annoyed with me. “Hey there,” I say, picking up and trying to sound casual.
“Hey there,” she says. “You’ve been hiding the last few days, hmm?”
“Well, I don’t know about hiding. I’ve been busy catching up,” I say weakly, but she doesn’t buy it for one second.
“Matthew, I got a call from Hunter earlier today. He’s concerned about you, worried you’re avoiding him,” she says with a tinge of recrimination in her voice.
“Hunter called you? Really?” I ask.Shit.
“Yup. He said but you’ve been avoiding him since you got home from the cabin.”
Letting out a sigh. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll call him later today. It’s just been a weird few days.”
“Matthew Cartwright, tell me what’s going on,” she says in her ‘no-nonsense mom’ voice, but it softens as she asks, “Are you okay, really? I was worried about you spending Christmas alone. I wish you would have flown out here to be with us.”
“No, I’m okay, it’s not that.” I say. I hesitate for a moment before deciding to lay it all out for her. I guess this will be a test of the new friendship phase in our relationship. “I wasn’t actually alone for Christmas. I- someone was at the cabin with me.”
“Oh, really?” she says, and I can almost hear her eyebrows rising. “Okay, hon, you’d better fill me in. Just because we’re not married anymore doesn’t mean you get to stop being my best friend.”
I laugh. She’s always known how to make me feel better when the chips are down. I’m relieved she’s not going to let me hide from our friendship.
“I hope you’re sitting down, because some of this might surprise you,” I say, and she laughs.
“Oh goody. Let me pour a glass of wine and get comfortable.”
So, I confess to my ex-wife I’m not straight, but to my complete and utter disbelief, she doesn’t even seem surprised.
"Matty, I suspected maybe you were curious. I never would have said anything to you about it. I didn't think you were even aware. But I'm so happy you've explored that part of you, honey."
I'm stunned into silence for a few moments. She suspected I might be into men? Even before I did? I shake my head and decide to blow past it. I simply don't have the energy to deal with all my questions about that.
So I tell her the rest of the story, starting with the night in Chicago, all the shit I’ve worked on in therapy, and ending with not being able to get Case out of my mind since we’ve been apart.
She blows out a soft whistle. “Wow, Matthew Cartwright, you have had a lot going on, haven’t you? And it sounds to me like you’ve got some serious feelings for this guy.”
“Mich, I have no idea how this happened. And what the actual fuck am I supposed to do? I mean, it’s not like I can just leave the business and move to California on a whim. And he can’t leave his position at the university, he’s doing really important work there. I think we’re just fucked, no matter how you look at it.”
Michele is quiet for a moment before she clears her throat. “So, tell me something, Matthew. What is the reason, specifically, that you can’t move there?"
I scoff. “Michele, you know why. I can’t leave the business. It won’t run itself. I need to be here.”
“Mmm hmmm. But do you?” she says in a quiet voice. “Do you actuallyneedto be there, or do youwantto be there? It’s a very convenient excuse for you to just keep doing the same thing you’ve been doing for the last twenty-five years.”
“What? What do you mean? Of course, I need to be here. I mean.. But I want to be with Case..” my voice trails off.
“If you want to be with him, if that’s what you truly want, you can make it happen, Matthew. You know as well as I do you don’t have to be the one running the day-to-day ops at the company. Someone else could do that shit.”
“Yeah.. I suppose you’re right.” I say.
“Listen, Matthew, I’m going to give you a little tough love here, okay?” she says, and I brace myself. She’s never been one to mince words.
“Okay.”
“You’ve spent your life putting that company ahead of everything and everyone else in your life. Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s a decision you and I made together, and ultimately, I’m completely fine with how we lived our lives. It was important to both of us to have the means to give our kids great educations, to take amazing trips and show them the world. And god knows, you and I both like our creature comforts. But we have enough now, more than enough. And you’ve given that company enough of your life. Let it go. Or at least don’t let it hold you back.”
I blow out a long breath, not exactly sure how to process what she’s saying. “You’re really not pulling any punches tonight, are you?”
“Matthew, honey, you know I’ll always love you. You’ve been my best friend for far longer than we were married. We did a good job together, we raised three amazing people, and we had a good run as a married couple, but we were done. And now we both have this opportunity to lead a different life than the one we led together. I know you love the company, but you need to at least think about moving it down on your priority list. Case sounds like someone special. Don’t let him pass you by without at least considering some changes."
