“How long did you think you could keep this up? How long did you think I wouldn’t notice what you really were?”
“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” I cried. “I’m so sorry. Please. All I need to do is marry you to break the curse.”
Qian looked stunned, like he couldn’t understand why I would even make such a suggestion. “This isn’t a curse. You are.”
I didn’t want to believe that, but a part of me did. Maybe the world would be better off without me. Wasn’t I just as horrible as the thing that had killed his brother? Wasn’t I just as evil?
Lucas put his hand on Qian’s chest again. “Go outside and get some air,” he said, pushing him back. “You’re not helping.”
“Gentlemen—” Elias began.
“You know what would help? Putting a silver blade through her heart,” Qian said.
No one had time to move. He signaled to Heng so quickly, I didn’t have time to process.
Heng drew his knife and rushed me, but Lucas was ready. He stepped in front of me, grabbed Heng’s arm, and twisted. There was a horrible crack, and Heng screamed as Lucas broke his arm. Heng dropped the knife, and Lucas caught it. In one fluid motion, he slashed it across Qian’s face.
Qian spun around, hand on his cheek, and howled. When he turned back to us, his face pale, there was a long cut on his cheek where Lucas had sliced him. Qian looked at the blood on his hand and then at Lucas, stunned.
No one that wasn’t a monster had ever dared touch him.
“Lucas!” Elias shouted, appalled.
Heng fell to his knees, gasping with pain. He clutched his broken arm to his chest.
“Touch her and you’re dead,” Lucas said to Qian, still brandishing Heng’s knife, fingers flexing on the hilt, ready for another round. “That was a warning. Don’t make this worse.”
“You spilled blood shared by the Jade Emperor,” Qian said. “This means war.”
Lucas didn’t step aside. He was going to defend me with his last breath.
Qian sneered at Lucas, and then his gaze latched on to mine. “And to think I almost married you.”
My last hope was slipping through my fingers. Without a wedding, I would be a monster forever. I wanted to plead with him to stay, but I knew I’d lost him.
“We’re finished here,” Qian said. And with that, he and Heng left.
“What have you done?” Elias stood, stunned, staring at the both of us. The reality of what just happened finally sank in.
25
Rain patteredagainstthe glass on my window. I watched it for a while, curled up, still chained to my bed. It felt like I’d already been here for a century. My body ached. I was hungry, but the dinner that was brought for me had gone untouched. Plain rice and water. I wasn’t hungry for that kind of food anymore…The manananggal was taking over soon. It would be a full moon tomorrow.
I thought about my father, my mom, and my friends, and felt like I’d let them down somehow. At least my mom wasn’t here to see what I’d become…Though I did wish I could see her one last time. She was safer in the human world. It was better this way.
Lucas and Elias had left me to discuss what to do next. I was too tired trying to stay human. It was as if the last shreds of my humanity were clinging to me by a single thread. I should have locked myself away like Yara had, sacrificed my freedom for everyone else, been brave. But I wasn’t brave. I was afraid and lonely, and all I wanted was for someone to help me. And in the end, this was what had come of it.
My room smelled heavily of garlic; talismans dangled from every surface of the room—my walls, my bed, the ceiling. Incense clouded the air and filled my nose, all in an attempt to keep the monster inside me contained, but I knew that it wasn’t enough. The healers in the palace didn’t know what else to do with me. I didn’t know how else to explain it, but I knew deep within me that something was wrong. Anytime I tried to pinpoint exactly what it was, I felt an oily black darkness bubbling in my gut, staining my heart. I was rotting from the inside.
I heard the door open, but I didn’t move to see who it was. The sliver of golden light from the hallway spilled across the wall, and a shadow passed across it. At first, I thought maybe it was an assassin here to finish the job, and I didn’t fear death. A part of me was resigned to the idea. Maybe it was better after all, for everyone, if I was put out of my misery.
“MJ.” It was Lucas’s voice. I would know it anywhere.
I felt the bed compress behind me, then his warm body curled against my back while he draped his arm over me. I wanted to shrink away from his touch, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be held by him so badly; I was fighting with myself. His breath tickled the back of my neck, and I closed my eyes, imagining this as the life we could have had if things had been different. I imagined this was us on rainy nights, nestled against each other and drifting to sleep.
His lips brushed against my neck, and he gave me the smallest, lightest kiss. For so long, we hadn’t been able to talk. The last time he’d kissed me felt like a lifetime ago. And so much had changed since then.I’dchanged so much since then. I closed my eyes and wished this could last forever.
But it wouldn’t.
