I sat up, breaking away from him and letting the warmth go. The chains on my ankles and wrists clattered together, a constant reminder that I was a prisoner. A punishment of my own choosing.
“What about Jade Mountain?” I asked. “Is Qian gone?”
Lucas sighed heavily and sat up, too. He brushed his hair away from his forehead, then took a breath, letting his hands drop to his lap. “He’s declared war on Biringan,” he said. “His army will be here soon to ‘liberate the kingdom.’ ”
“What can we do to stop him? What about our forces?”
“Elias and I had to organize as many encantos as we could, but our numbers are too few. The neighboring courts aren’t ready. Usually with war, there’s time to prepare. This feels more like…”
“Qian is planning a conquest.”
Lucas sighed again. He looked tired. The circles under his eyes were dark, and a line had appeared between his eyebrows while his mind, no doubt, raced about all the things we still needed to do. He was wearing a cotton shirt and pants in Sigbin blue, and he looked so mature, even in the dim light of my room. He needed to stand against an army. It was his duty to protect.
“MJ,” he said again, turning his dark eyes to me, pleading. “What happened?”
It was time to finally tell him the truth. “I don’t know why or how this started,” I said. “One night, I had a terrible nightmare. At least, I thought it was a nightmare. But when I woke up, I found out I’d hurt some villagers.”
Lucas furrowed his brow in thought. “The monster before we left for the great house. That was…”
I nodded. “Me. Nix tried to help me. Amador, too, in the end.”
A lot of things started to make sense for him while I spoke, and I could see it all over Lucas’s face. “That evening in the cave?”
I nodded again. “I was going to turn. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to see me like this,” I said.
When he looked at me, it felt like my heart was breaking.
“You let me…hate you,” I said, choking on the words. A sob threatened to escape, but I stifled it. “I know about you and Amador.”
Lucas nodded, but he didn’t seem surprised. Amador must have told him that I did. “I wanted to protect Amador from her family’s expectations, but I needed to protect you, too. I didn’t want to choose between anyone, but I had to.”
“I know. I realize now. I saw you at the docks with Romulo.”
Lucas’s eyes went wide, but he let out a breath. “Amador sent me to find a way to break our oath of devotion, and Romulo thought he knew of someone…I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed both of you.” He stared at the fire, his gaze distant.
“You’re noble, and you pretend not to be. You affiliate yourself with thieves and pirates just as much as you do with princesses.”
Lucas allowed himself to chuckle. “I never thought I stood a chance with you, though. You’re a queen. You’re supposed to marry kings—people who are your equal. I’m just a knight.”
Lucas’s jaw clenched, and he brushed his hand through his hair again. It was a nervous tic, one that made me feel closer to him after noticing. I only wished we’d been able to spend more time together for me to notice even more.
“I guess we’re all bound to our titles,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me what was happening to you? I would do anything to help you.”
“I was afraid—afraid that you would want me dead.”
His eyes glistened in the firelight, and he reached out and touched my hand. “MJ…”
“I’m a monster. I’m dangerous. How could you ever want to love me?”
Lucas looked ashamed. He lowered his head and swallowed thickly. “I should have told you from the start about my true feelings. But I respected Amador and wanted to protect her, too. Please forgive me. I won’t keep any secrets from you ever again.”
“We both kept secrets. I don’t want to be away from you. I know you are bound to Amador, but I truly do love you.”
Lucas’s gaze leveled with mine. “I love you, too,” he said. And I was ashamed it took me this long to believe it.
“I’m worried I’ll never be able to say it again,” I said. “Tomorrow night, with the full moon, I’ll be a manananggal forever.”
“We can’t give up. There has to be a way we can stop it.”
