It was easy to imagine it. My leathery bat wings, my sharp claws and teeth, my blood-red eyes. I thought about how scared Nix must have been when she saw me. My gaze snagged on the gouges in the wood of the tree trunk where the cuffs had scraped against the bark. But it had held. I hadn’t hurt anyone last night. I rubbed at the raw skin on my wrists again, and Nix surprised me by pulling me into a hug and squeezing me so tight, I gasped.
“Whatever is causing this, we’ll figure it out,” she said. “I promise.”
“The iron worked, at least,” I said. “It was strong enough to hold me.”
“That’s a good sign. Now we just have to figure out how we can stop it altogether. I’m sorry the potion was a failure.”
“It wasn’t a failure. We just know now that the monster is a lot stronger than I thought. We can try again tonight.”
“I might kill you if I make a stronger potion.” Nix pulled away and smiled. At least the color was starting to return to her face. I felt awful for scaring her. I wasn’t sure where I’d be without her. She was so brave, especially now that she saw me for what I really was. I was ashamed, but she didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. In fact, behind the worry in her eyes, there was a sparkle. This was a new mystery to solve.
We both got dressed and went to breakfast, which was served in the pavilion. Everyone except Lucas was already there. They were all laughing and chatting, seemingly without a care in the world. Food was plentiful, and the mood was light. Mercifully, with me under control, there had been no more sightings of the monster lurking the grounds.
I sat with Nix, pretending like I didn’t exist while the others continued their conversation.
Every sunset, I would become a monster. And I had no idea how to stop it.
“I hope it hasn’t been scared off,” General Heng said, leaning over the table to pluck a grape from a bowl, then popping it into his mouth.It.I had full clarity on what they were talking about.
“It’s a monster; it isn’t scared,” said Qian, smiling confidently and glancing around at all of us at the table. “It’ll be back.” If he was disappointed he didn’t get to hunt a monster, he didn’t show it.
I was even more tired than before. I hadn’t had a wink of sleep, and my eyes felt like they were full of sand. The conversation around the table turned into a drone, and I stared at my full plate of food that nauseated me, wondering what else I could do, barely listening as General Heng said they’d faced a similar monster last year.
Heng had the entire table’s attention, including Amador’s, while he told the story about Qian’s heroics. Qian, meanwhile, leaned back in his chair, a small, amused smile on his face as if he was thinking fondly back on that time.
“So there he was, one arrow left, bleeding profusely from where the Aoyin tore into him, and the creature stared him down for the final kill.”
Nix shifted uncomfortably next to me, but I kept my attention on the plate, trying to freeze my face into an expression of impassivity, almost boredom. I didn’t want to let them in on the fact that my insides were corkscrewing with nerves at the talk of monsters.
“What happened next?” Amador asked. She seemed highly interested in the story, practically on the edge of her seat.
“I killed it, of course,” Qian said, grinning. “Shot it straight through the heart.”
The second Istepped into the jungle, I felt like I could breathe again. After breakfast, I’d excused myself to go for a walk. Alone. The cacophony of birdsong and the smell of blossoming hibiscus overwhelmed my senses, drowning everything else out and letting me forget for a brief moment that I was a queen and a monster.
There was plenty of time until sundown, and I needed a few hours to myself. I had terrified Nix, even though she had denied it. I felt miserable; I was on the verge of tears with each passing second. It was hard to think about anything else when my body was reminding me that I was losing myself further every night. I sensed, deep down, that the manananggal was gaining strength. I hadn’t been in control of my body last night, and I had a sinking feeling that the manananggal wanted it that way. How much longer until it took over for good?
Bugs and birds, buzzing and cawing from invisible places in the jungle, surrounded me while I walked along a dirt path. I imagined this path was used by animals making their way through the underbrush, and I trusted they knew where they were going,so I followed. I remembered Edgardo’s warning about the various magical trappings in the surrounding area, but I was too exhausted to care. And I wasn’t frightened of any dangerous animals that might be lurking in the underbrush. If anything, they should be frightened of me.
I came upon a small stream of crystal clear water, glittering in the dappled sunlight, and decided to follow it up the mountain, toward its source. I spent a while hiking uphill and was drenched in sweat and covered in bug bites by the time I heard the sound of rushing water, louder than before.
I crested a ridge and came upon a waterfall pouring down the mountainside from so high that I couldn’t see the top. Behind the curtain of water was a cave that opened into the mountain, where even more water rushed out. It kind of reminded me of the springs back home, but here, the air itself pulsed with magic. I could feel it tickling my skin, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. But this didn’t feel like dangerous magic. Instead, it felt like the kind in the human world, like a perfect summer afternoon with my mom, drinking lemonade on the steps of the library. Time had seemed to stop then—when the light was low but the crickets had come out, as though the world itself was holding its breath. It was one of those magical moments that stuck with me whenever I thought about paradise.
Curious, I stepped into the cave, and immediately, the air got cooler but no less humid. It was almost like I really had walked into a beast’s mouth. Despite the darkness, I never had to strain my eyes to see. I followed the creek flowing down the tunnel, and the longer I walked, the more I noticed that the rocks around meglowed with a soft pink light. The air in here was thicker, too, like the magic was more condensed. It had a softly sweet and floral scent, like honey and roses.
This was no ordinary cave. At the end, it opened up into a large cavern the size of my room at the great house, with a natural spring in the middle. Stalactites jutted down from the ceiling, and glittering droplets of water fell on the stalagmites below. The spring burbled, and steam came off the surface. When I put my hand in the water, it was hot but not uncomfortable.
As I dragged my hand in the water, the churning, frenetic, anxious thoughts in my mind immediately softened, like massaging a knot out of a muscle, and I let out a sigh of relief. Similar to taking a sip of hot wine, warmth spread in my stomach, and my eyes drifted closed.
Distantly, I was aware that this was not a normal feeling, that this was probably caused by some kind of magic, but for once, I felt so at ease. I was thankful for the reprieve, even though I knew it was artificial. I didn’t care. There wasn’t anything to be afraid of.
I was…content. Happy, even. So comfortable that I didn’t realize I was pulling off my clothes and wading into the spring. I was operating without thinking, just like when I turned into a manananggal. But it wasn’t scary at all.
I dipped below the surface, soaking my hair, and came up for air again, breathing deeply, finally relaxing. Steam surrounded me while I floated on my back. No one would find me here, and maybe it was better this way. Maybe I could float forever.
The sound of a boot on hard rock behind me made me whip around.
“Lucas,” I barely managed to say without choking on his name. Instinctually, I dipped lower in the water so he could only see my head.
