“Guestsof the palace are never in want of anything,” I said to Qian, proving a point.
Qian met my gaze unwaveringly and smiled.
After that disasterof a first meeting, I excused myself to bed and closed myself in my room. All I wanted was to be alone. I pressed my back against the door. My knees decided to stop working, and my chest tightened so hard, I thought maybe I should call for Nix in case I was having a heart attack. But I knew this was only delayed panic.
My hands trembled and I shook them out, trying to regain feeling in my fingertips as I made my way over to my vanity, still faintly lit with candlelight. I found a pitcher of ice-cold water and drank so much of it, I got brain freeze.
Fearing my legs would give out, I took the glass to the settee and fell into it, practically collapsing into a heap. I rested my forearm across my eyes, blocking out the light. It seemed like the weight of the world was pressing down on me.
Qian thought Nix was aprisoner. It took me totally by surprise. Of course her family had been worried about her, and they wanted her home, but she was adamant that she didn’t want to leave. And I wasn’t about to make the decision for her and force her to go back to Jade Mountain if she didn’t want to. She had disappeared, been missing for months, hid in the human world far away from encantos for as long as she could to escape a life where she felt unseen and unwanted. I would be a terriblefriend, not just a terrible queen, to send her back to a life she didn’t want.
But if Nix didn’t return home, it could start a war. It was a looming threat I couldn’t ignore, especially with the fate of the kingdom being my responsibility.
In school, before I moved to Biringan City, I had a mythology class where I readThe Iliadand about the Trojan War. It was a war between gods, demigods, and men, all because of one woman, Helen of Troy. The myths had been unkind to Helen. They’d blamed her for the war, when it had been those wanting to control her who had caused all the bloodshed. She was a scapegoat, someone to pin the blame on, when she had been nothing more than a pawn. The Trojan War was a tragedy, ruthless and long and entirely avoidable.
I couldn’t let anything like that happen. I wouldn’t let Nix’s story turn out like Helen’s. I needed to find a way to come to some agreement. If I failed, I could doom us all.
There came a swift knock at my door.
It was probably Elias coming to check on me, but when I opened the door, I took a surprised step back.
“Lucas,” I barely managed to say.
Relief melted his face when he saw me. “Are you hurt?” he asked. Of course—he was here to do his duty as my protector.
“I’m fine,” I said. I looked behind him at the empty hallway, wondering if anyone was nearby. It was a reflex at this point. “I’m okay.” My heart pounded, seeing him in front of me again. Now that we were alone, did he feel like he could finally speak to me? “What are you doing—”
And then he rushed forward and kissed me.
4
Together LucasandI stumbled back into my room, lips locked, and he used his foot to close the door. He held me close, squeezing my hips with strong hands. When he breathed me in, he took my breath away in the process. His lips were soft, full, and this was the first time we’d kissed—we’dtouchedbeyond sparring—in months.
My eyes fluttered closed, and my mind went blank. All my worries melted away when he held me. Since I’d truly gotten to know him, Lucas was all I wanted. I’d missed the way he smelled, the way his hand felt in mine, the way he looked at me. We’d been at arm’s length for months, and this felt like a dream. I’d had so many about him, I almost wondered if I would wake up from this one at any second.
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him toward me, feeling his heartbeat. He tipped my mouth open, deepening our kiss, holding me so tightly that I might have fallen over if it weren’t for his strong embrace. The smell of him, the taste of him, overwhelmed me. He smelled like acrid wood smoke from being outside, and sweat, and steel—likehim. I didn’t want to let him go. His warmhands burned through my clothes as he traced the shape of my body, and desire pulsed through my veins. I let out a soft whimper, and Lucas sighed, as if in reply. It was so good.
I pulled back slightly.
“Wha-what are we doing?” I stammered, opening my eyes and catching sight of him in the soft candlelight. “We can’t—”
His breath was hot and tickled my cheek. “I was so scared something bad had happened to you. When I saw you in the grand hall with them, I almost lost my mind—”
“You shouldn’t be here; what if someone sees—”
He kissed me again, and it stopped me short. I didn’t mind. I couldn’t help myself. I cupped the back of his head, twirling the soft silk of his dark hair around my fingers as he placed small kisses on the corners of my lips.
Lucas let out a sigh, and this time his kiss turned urgent, desperate to close the distance between us, like he didn’t want to spend another second away from me. I wanted him so badly, I would have torn myself apart to feel him everywhere at the same time. My fingers fluttered over his cut-glass cheekbones and traced over the sandpaper stubble on his jaw. The smallest touch sent me spiraling. He washere. This was real. It was like nothing had changed at all between us. He was in my arms again, and I had to keep him.
We stumbled as one, my back knocking into the vanity, and Lucas pressed against me, breathing hard. Those gold flecks in his dark eyes glimmered through cracked eyelids when he looked at me, maybe wondering if I was real, too. He moved down my neck, kissing my throat and grabbing my hands.
I angled my neck into his touch, counting the heartbeats so I could remember to breathe.
One…two…three…
We were together. We were alone. And it was perfect. He licked my skin, nipped at it with his teeth, and sent a shudder of pleasure down my spine.
But what about Amador? I was kissing her fiancé, her betrothed. What did that make me? A horrible, terrible, evil person for wanting him, that’s what. I hated Amador, but she didn’t deserve this.
