She raised her hand, silencing him once again. “Adam, he is a child who knows what I have allowed him to know. James wasn’t present for most of the fights I had with Marq. He doesn’t know the severity of it because I shielded him from it. But that toxic masculinity wasn’t just directed at James, it was directed at me too.”
His body tightened at her revelation, instantly wanting to go to her and scoop her up in his arms and protect her. But the fire he saw flicker in her eyes told him if he moved the tiniest bit in her direction, she was going to cut him to the quick.
“I was working when I met Marq. But somehow he had it in his head that once we were married, I would stop working and become an army wife. It wasn’t a discussion we’d ever had, so I’m still not sure where he got that from, but he was pissed when I relieved him of that illusion.
“Every time I got a promotion, it grated on his nerves that I was getting ahead, that my independence from him was a forgone conclusion even from the beginning. Things really took a turn for the worse when I decided to go back and get my doctorate. He raged for weeks about how I would be neglecting my responsibilities at home. And when that didn’t stop me, he tried everything he could to undermine my success and my confidence, including messing with my birth control pills and trying to get me pregnant.”
Adam’s heart sank as his jaw dropped in utter shock. Having antiquated ideas about gender roles was one thing, but taking it as far as trying to use pregnancy as sabotage, that was an unimaginable low.
“Once I discovered what he’d done, there was no way I could stay with him. So, I started divorce proceedings. Which he didn’ttake too kindly to. He sought to punish me by seeking full custody of James. It was a nasty court battle. But in the end, I knew I needed to do whatever I had to in order to keep my child. So, I played dirty and threatened to tell his CO what he’d done to me. It was the leverage I needed to get custody of James.”
He could see the pain of her past etching lines into her smooth skin, painting a concrete picture of the hardship she’d endured. Adam knew she’d probably rebuff him, but he cared too much about her not to go to her.
His steps were careful, like he was approaching a wounded animal, wanting to help, but deathly afraid of the attack that could be waiting for him.
Adam kneeled before her slowly, gently placing his hand on hers to let her know he was there to offer her his strength, and whatever else she needed as she walked through what he could only imagine to be a minefield of emotions.
“I’m so sorry you went through that, Janae.”
“Yeah?” she answered with sarcasm dripping from the word. “Well, I am too. And I promised myself that I would never ignore the red flags of a controlling man suffering from toxic masculinity again. Which is why I’m thoroughly disappointed in you right now.”
“Janae, I—”
She placed two fingers across his lips while shaking her head. “Adam, you were so torn up about what my son said to you that your entire mood changed. It changed, because you were actively contemplating whether we were a good idea or not based on a fifteen-year-old’s desires.”
He swallowed, unsure of the darkness clouding her bright brown eyes. “Janae. Are you saying I shouldn’t have considered James’s perspective valid?”
“No,” she whispered. “That’s not what I’m saying at all.” She stepped away from him and the distance, while only a few feet, felt like an uncrossable chasm. “I’m saying you should have listened toJames, then brought his concerns and yours to me so the two of us could discuss it together and come to a mutual decision about what would happen next.”
He tried to find an argument to defend himself, but when she laid things out so plainly, it was impossible to find any justification for the way he’d handled this situation. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try, though.
“Janae, I remember what it was like when the adults around me refused listen to me, to take me seriously.” He stretched his hands out to his sides then let them drop, effectively surrendering. “This is your son. I’m only trying to do what’s best for him. I don’t want to do to him what was done to me.”
Her eyes were filled with sadness, like she’d witnessed the death of something or someone she loved. It made him uneasy, made him step toward her. But when she was only a few inches away, she stepped back, widening the gap between them again.
“So you’ve already made up your mind? No matter what I say, you’re just gonna walk away?”
Cold spilled down his back and panic rushed through every cell in his body, tightening up his muscles as he stood there in agony.
“Janae, it’s not about what you want. It’s damn sure not about what I want. What I want is to keep you at my side, to turn over in the middle of the night and find you. What I want, every moment I see you, is to bury myself so deep in you I can’t tell where you end and I begin. That’s what I want, Janae. But the joy and hope in your son’s eyes cut me. I couldn’t live with breaking his heart like that.”
“I am grateful that you care so much for my son’s well-being. I can see it in your eyes that this is coming from a place of sincerity. But you are an absolute fool to walk away from me without considering what I want.”
“Janae—”
Adam’s phone rang, interrupting them. He was about to ignore it until he recognized his mother’s ringtone.
The sound of it was like a splash of cold water to the face. It was past nine at night, and her very strict sensibilities would never allow her to call anyone, even her son, unless there was an emergency.
“Mama.” The single word came out ragged and sharp, the fear in his voice creating jagged edges. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry to call you so late, baby.”
“Mama, never mind that. What’s wrong?”
“I had to call an ambulance and the EMTs are here and ready to take your father to the hospital.”
“For what?” Adam’s tone was still sharp. He’d apologize later for not being as gentle as he should’ve been. But if EMTs were involved, and Grady Henderson was willingly going to the hospital, there had to be something wrong.
