“I don’t want you to fall apart,” Jack said, following her into the kitchen. “I don’t want that for you.”
Stella filled the carafe with water and lifted the back of the coffee maker and poured it in. Jack took the carafe from her and placed it on the counter.
“Hey,” he said gently. “Look at me.”
Sadness reflected in his eyes, mirroring her own. She touched his cheek. “What’s wrong?”
“What’swrong?” he asked incredulously. “I’m leaving you, and I don’t want to.” He pulled Stella close, and she wrapped her arms around him. “Thisis the kind of love I was looking for, I guess you could say my whole life. Now I’ve found it, and I have to leave, and, Stella, I don’twantto leave you, and I don’t want you to fall apart or be sad, but I’m sad too.”
Stella held him tightly and squeezed. “We’re a miserable pair,” she said, trying to regain her composure.
“At least we’re together,” he said.
“For now,” she added.
Jack put both hands on her cheeks and kissed her lightly. “I’ll take it.” He pressed her head against his chest.
Simple bright white words coasted over Jack’s shoulder and shimmied up her arm.Be here now.His gaze followed the words until they disappeared into the fabric of her sleeve.
“Okay, I see you,” she said out loud to the words. “Let’s have coffee and you can tell me a story,” she said to Jack.
“What kind of story?”
“Something hopeful.”
Jack grabbed the can of coffee and placed a filter in the pot. Then he spooned in a few tablespoons of the dark ground beans. She turned on the machine, then grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet and placed them on the counter. Stella retrieved the half-and-half from the refrigerator and placed it beside their mugs. Then she opened the silverware drawer and took out a spoon.
“A hopeful story? How about the story of us, my favorite story?” Jack said, slipping his arms around her. “And I can’t keep my hands off you.”
She allowed herself a smile. “So don’t.”
Two hours later Stella helped Arnie into the passenger seat of her car and made sure he was buckled in before she closed the door. They drove in silence for a few minutes while Arnie closed his eyes and turned his face toward the warm sunlight flooding in through the car window.
After a long, slow exhale, he said, “You forget how much you love and need the sunshine when you’re stuck indoors for so long. You know you love it, and you know it’s a blessing, but you almost forget howgoodit feels on your face. The warmth, the feeling of peace in knowing that it’s still rising and setting and right now it’s warming you with its light. I’ve missed that. It came through my windows every day, but being outside reminds me of how much I like being alive.”
Stella glanced over at him before returning her gaze to the road. She wondered what it would feel like to know that her time in the sun was limited, that she might be confined to the hospital and never feel the sun’s warmth on her face again. Would she be anxious? Sad? Accepting? As soon as she was free again, she imagined herself standing in the sun, arms stretched open wide, face turned toward the sky and smiling.
“I like you being alive too,” she said.
She felt Arnie’s gaze turn toward her. “Thanks, kiddo. It’s good to be going home. Want to tell me what’s going on with you?”
Stella shot a look at him and then focused on driving again. “What do you mean?”
Arnie turned slightly in his seat to face her. “I’m not one to pry too much into your personal life, but I’ve known you a long time, and I think that gives me a pass when it comes to prying.”
“Agreed,” Stella said, knowing where Arnie’s questioning would go.
“You were lit up like a lantern the last time I saw you, but now it’s dim. This is about Jack leaving?”
Stella used her turn signal and turned toward the library. “I feel like my whole world opened up, like Dorothy must have felt when she stepped into Oz. Technicolor overload. Kansas was black and white, but Oz... Oz was beautiful and magical and brilliant. It was the adventure of a lifetime. But then she couldn’t stay. She had to go back home, where the world was black and white.”
Arnie stared ahead at the street, at the pine trees lining the sides of the road. “I hear what you’re saying, but not everything is black and white.”
Stella’s grip tightened on the wheel. “No, not everything. The magic is real, and my words have led me toward a new path.”
“Your words?” Arnie asked.
“Later,” Stella said, waving a hand through the air. “But yes, most of this gloom and doom is about Jack. I don’t want him to go, Arnie. How am I supposed to be okay with him leaving?”
