Jack touched her face. “I’m not asking you to pretend. I’m suggesting that we both try to enjoy the time we have left. No, I can’t stay here forever, and yes, we knew this was temporary, but I wouldn’t change anything. Look what’s happened to you in just a few days. Your heart has opened back up. You’rehappy, Stella.”
She opened her eyes and pressed her finger into his chest. Warm tears slid down her cheeks. “Because ofyou.”
“Don’t give me all the credit. You’re the reason your heart opened, but if I can help keep it open, then there’s hope that someone else can too.”
Stella’s bottom lip quivered. “I don’t want someone else. I want you.”
Jack cupped her face in his hands and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. “And I want you. Tonight we still have each other.”
He pressed his mouth against hers, and she responded, melting against him. It was so easy to let go of her anxiety and sadness when he was kissing her, when he erased everything from her mind except for the feel of him. She gripped the back of his shirt and pressed him as close as possible.
Lightning bugs danced around their bodies, and Stella sighed against Jack’s lips. He filled her with the kind of happiness that made her buoyant. Without his arms around her, anchoring her to the earth, she would have lifted off the ground. She could hold herself together for one more night.
Before they disappeared into Arnie’s cottage, she noticed the lightning bugs left behind trails of flickering words.
Hang on.
Come through.
Have faith.
Chapter 23
Early the next morning Stella woke up with her arm and leg draped over Jack. Faint sunlight drifted through the slats in the blinds. Something had woken her.A noise?Jack shifted beneath her, and when he spoke, his voice rumbled in the ear she had pressed against his chest.
“Your phone,” he said. Then he stretched his arm off the couch and reached for her cell phone on the chair, tapping it with his fingertips until the phone slid over far enough for him to grab. He handed it to her.
Arnie had texted her, which he hadneverdone for as long as she’d known him. She had no idea his phone was even capable of texting.He believed texting was a passive-aggressive mode of communication that gave people a way of talking about serious topics without having to actuallytalkto the other person. Arnie believed talking in person was vital for a solid, healthy relationship. So the idea that he had just texted her made her smile. Did he think he was betraying himself even while he did it?
She read the message and pushed herself up on one arm. “Arnie wants to come home this morning. He didn’t want to call this early because he thought I would still be sleeping. He probably thought I’d snooze right through the text alert.”
“Hewantsto come home or he’s being discharged?” Jack asked.
Stella leaned over him and put her phone on the floor beside the couch. She lay back down on his chest and inhaled. “I’m going to assume they told him he can go home or he’s pestered them enough to consent to his will. But I want to lie here for another few minutes, and then I’ll get up and call him.”
Jack put his arm around her and held her against him. Then he rubbed his hand against her hair, slow and gentle. When the thought of his leaving popped into her mind, she shoved it aside.Just a little while longer.
Her peace lasted for approximately five more minutes, and then her throat tightened and her stomach responded in kind. Thoughts of the future crept in and robbed her of the last slivers of stillness.
Jack kissed the top of her head. “Right now, in this moment, I would give anything for this to go on and on.”
She wanted to clutch him as tightly as possible.Why did I do this? Didn’t I know it would end? Why did I think this was worth it—worth hurting myself?Another voice in her head whispered,Love—real love—is always worth it.
“Hey,” Jack said. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” She was surprised her voice didn’t crack. She’d been acting like she was okay for so long, the lie came out easier than it should have. But this time, the lie made her uneasy. “Why?”
“You were holding your breath,” he said, shifting beneath her. He sat up on the couch and lifted her with him, forcing her into a sitting position. “You don’t look okay. What’s wrong?”
She swung her legs off the couch and hopped up. “I need coffee.”
“Stella,” he said, grabbing her hand.
She sighed. “I stink at living in the present. I stink at appreciating this moment right now because I’m so caught up in the fact that you’ll be gone in hours. Iwantto be present and here and feel a spirit of thankfulness, but this empty, sick emotion is growing because I can’t stop reminding myself that you’re leaving. I’ve had the best days ever with you, and I’m...” She struggled to control her emotions. When she opened her eyes, feathery words flapped in the sunlight.Sad. Leaving. Goodbye.“And I’m sad.”
Jack stood beside her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Nothing we can say will change what’s going to happen. Let’s have coffee, and I’ll swallow this. I’ll save my falling apart until you’re gone.” She walked into the kitchen and grabbed the carafe from the coffee maker. “Talk about something else.”
