Ariel sighed dramatically. “No, but I’d like to be. He’s a client, though, so I don’t know how it would work.”
Stella’s mouth dropped open. “Wait, you’d like to be dating one of your dogs?”
Ariel realized her mistake and giggled. “Wrong word. He’s acustomer. He brings in his German shepherd, Scout. He named her after a character from one of his favorite books.”
“To Kill a Mockingbird?”
Ariel nodded.
“You should probably marry him. A book nerd is a solid choice.”
Ariel scrunched her face. “Marry him? I’m not even sure we can make a date happen. He’s really cute and nice, and he’s not wearing a wedding band, but I have no idea if he’s dating anyone. Plus, some married men don’t wear rings. And it’s not like I can slide that in without being awkward. ‘Hey, a regular shampoo and cut for Scout, and are you single?’ There’s just not a way to segue there.”
“You have his name and number,” Stella said with a sly smile. “You could call him and ask him out.”
Ariel gasped. “Not happening. I’d prefer it to be more organic and not force it.”
Stella smirked. “You mean you’d prefer he do the asking.”
Ariel reached for another biscuit. “Exactly. Want half?”
Stella nodded, and Ariel split the biscuit down the middle, handing the larger half to Stella. They sat in silence for a few moments eating.
Stella replayed tossing the journal into the fire with hope that it would free her from the connection with Wade, but if anything, she felt worse. Then she thought of the violet words that ripped an ache through her chest last night:I fell in.Did the words have something to do with Wade?
“You know what I love most about fairy tales?” Stella asked.
“The jewels? The crowns? Having your own princess castle?”
Stella chuckled. “All great guesses, but I love how you alwaysknow who the bad guy is in fairy tales. He’s easy to recognize because he’s probably wearing black or a wild cape or has arched eyebrows and an evil gleam in his eyes. But here in our world, the bad guy sometimes looks like Prince Charming, and he’s charismatic, intelligent, funny, and has the perfect smile. Sometimes you think you’ve found the prince, but he’s actually the villain.” She paused. “Do you really think I’m the problem here with Wade?”
Ariel finished her half of the biscuit and wiped her mouth. “Honest thoughts?”
Stella braced herself and nodded.
“I’m not saying he didn’t have bad vibes and that he’s not at fault. He didn’t treat you well, that’s obvious. And the way he left you was cruel in my opinion. But now after all these months, we can see that him being gone and not contacting you is an indicator that you don’t need his kind of energy in your life. So it’s a gift, really, and if you’re still angry about it or still feeling mopey about losing him, then maybe it’s because you want to keep holding on and being angry and sad.”
Stella frowned. “Why would anyone want that?”
Sadness drifted across Ariel’s face. “That’s a good question.”
The rest of the day at the library passed slower than chilled cane syrup. On incredibly slow days, Stella normally dusted books, trying not to inhale the filth and microscopic debris collecting in crevices, which wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Breathing in at the wrong time could mean you sucked in a throatful of dank, dusty particles and spent the rest of the day sneezing with watery eyes.
Instead, she ran a report to see which books hadn’t been checkedout recently. Sometimes books hid amid the library shelves and weren’t checked out for years. Last week she found a book that hadn’t left the library since February 1988. Books like that had to be weeded out, a twinging liberation. Stella cringed at the idea of getting rid of books, but space in the library was precious, and how could they make room for new books if they never weeded out the ones that had frozen in place?
Thankfully she and Arnie had creative ways of finding homes for the weeded titles. They advertised for people to come pick through the free books or sold books at fundraisers for the library and other local activities. It amazed Stella how a book could have sat on a shelf for a year with no interest, yet it might be the first one snagged in a giveaway. She imagined the rehomed books trembling with excitement on their way to being loved and enjoyed again after feeling forgotten for so long.
After a few hours of weeding, Stella leaned her head against the edge of a shelf. When she closed her eyes, Ariel’s voice sounded in her mind. Discomfort spread an ache to her chest area, giving her a feeling of indigestion. Could heartburnliterallymake her heart ache? Or was it just the bacon from this morning?
After all these months, how was it possible that she still had heart spasms because of Wade? Their time together was limited, with his demanding job and caring for his kids, and every time they’d seen each other had felt exciting. The way he hugged her like he never wanted to let go. The way they snickered like there was always a secret they couldn’t wait to share. Shemissedfeeling buoyant, missed the anticipation of the next kiss. Why was it easier to remember the heart-lifting moments and ignore the truth?
Shame burned through her. Wade was long gone and the only thing stopping her from truly letting him go was her. She rubbed her fingers against her breastbone. Ariel would say that Stella’sheart chakra was out of alignment or needed to be “cleansed.” A defibrillator box hung on a nearby wall. Could the paddles shock all the gunk from her heart, including stubborn emotions that she may or may not be allowing to linger? She could hear Ariel’s voice in her head:That is most definitely not the proper way to cleanse your heart.
Fire hadn’t worked. Lightning wasn’t going to fix her. So what would? Ariel would say to try meditating and breathing. Breathing she could do, but Stella meditated about as well as she spoke Italian. In fits and starts. Poorly.
“Hey, kiddo,” Arnie said, startling her from her thoughts. “The knitting club rescheduled. Why don’t you call it a night? You look beat.”
“Thanks, Arnie,” Stella said with a sigh. “Just what a girl wants to hear.”
