“But then I came back to myself,” Vivian says. “Me now, who understands I was with Carter a long time ago.” She picks a blade of glass and tries knotting it like I did. “And when I saw Carter at the wedding, I felt like... Likeyouhave all the things I don’t thatdomake you a good fit for him. Like how funny you are. And spontaneous. And messy.”
“So many backhanded compliments coming at me right now,” I say. “Not sure what to do with this wealth of riches.”
“You know what I mean, Mags!” Vivian throws her grass knot at me, and it bounces off my cheek. “It’s not like I have any desire to be with Carter now. It was just feeling envious that, you know, these qualities that you have might... make you... more lovable than me. In general.”
It’s the most vulnerable thing Vivian has said to me in years.Maybe ever. She’s tapping her fingers on her thighs, possibly about to cry, and it breaks my heart.
“Vivvy.” I put an arm around her and cuddle up close. “Are you kidding me? You are the most lovable.”
“No one’s ever crashed a wedding to declare how much I mean to them,” Vivian says, her voice quiet.
“Well, that’s very specific.”
“I’m done with college, and I still have no clue how to do love right.”
“That’s ’cause people are fools,” I say into her ear. “And they’re probably intimidated by you. And in awe of you. Like me.”
“No,” Vivian says, “you make fun of me for dumping people when things start to get serious, and that is literally what I do. I know it is.”
I’m not sure what to say to this. The only advice I can think of is,Well, maybe try not doing that!Which seems unhelpful.
I realize Haim is playing through the speakers, so I point to the air. We love Haim.
“Yeah,” Vivian says. “Days Are Gone. It’s been on this whole time.”
We listen to “Go Slow” for a minute.
“You know,” I say, “I’m not as spontaneous as you think. I was essentially trying to control my whole relationship with Carter. It’s why he hates me now.”
“He definitely doesn’t,” Vivian says, lowering her head into my lap.
“No, he does. He thinks I’m untrustworthy. And he’s not totally wrong!”
“So talk to him.”
“I’ve tried. A lot. Texts. Voice memos. Surprise appearances at his home. His position is a very clear:Get out of my life, Maggie.”
“Hmm,” Vivian says.
I run a hand through her hair as “Let Me Go” plays.
“Maybe,” she says, “you need to send him a piece of Billy Beaver art in the mail. Along with an inspiring message.I’m so dam sorry.That should win him over.”
“Great idea,” I say, laughing. “Not creepy in the slightest.”
The vibrations of Vivian’s laughter move through my body. Best feeling in the world.
“I think he’s gonna come around, Mags,” she says.
“I unfortunately don’t.” I twirl my sister’s hair into a bun, like I’ve done hundreds of times before. “But I sure am gladyoudid.”
Carter
I shove four Swedish Fish in my mouth as I lie in bed looking at Maggie’s Insta grid.
She finally accepted my follow request when we got back together in March, but for a long time after the wedding, I resisted checking it.
I really didn’t want to see her.
