Reed rested his elbows beside me, chugging the drink, before he set down the empty can with a clang. He repeated the action, taking down another, before he let out a long sigh.
“Yeah, no, not gonna work.” He crossed his arms. “We’re not going back to doom and gloom. I saw the light, man. And you know what? You’re actually decent to be around when you’re happy. We’ve been partners for a long time, and I’ve never seen where you live. Do you know how fucked up that is?”
“That’s a normal coworker relationship,” I ground out.
Reed pouted. “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Reed. I have a genetic mutation that makes me both a social pariah and a damn gold mine. My job is to fight criminals and suffocate the guy I work with. Did you hearanythingnormal about that?”
Point taken.
“This?” He gestured at me; the sweatpants, and black shirt with ash decorating the hem. “We’re not doing it. The pity party is done; it’s time to get your girl. It’s been two days—she’s cooleddown, had her time to process, and now it’s time to swoop back in and make everything good again.”
I scowled. “I can’t fix this, Reed, and you know it. It’sdone.”
For once, he didn’t back down. Although he was my keeper, mywrangler,I could usually intimidate him to back off. This time? He was solid stone; a barrier between myself and the tornado I wanted to succumb to.
“You aren’t giving her enough credit, and you’re not giving yourselfany, either. Listen, I know we don’t talk about it—which is entirely on you, by the way, because I’m an open fucking book—but you’ve been punishing yourself foryears.You can’t live like this.” Reed wasn’t talking about the steel walls, or the fireproof bedding. “In fact,Ican’t, and Alex can’t, either. Mistakes were made, and it was fucked up, but we bounced back. We’re fucking superhuman, dude.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek, my pulse starting to race. Reed gave my arm a slap; an act of good intentions that had a little too much force behind it.
“We can do anything, including talking it out with our girlfriends. Or boyfriends, or whoever.”
Something started to heat up inside; it wasn’t embers that would set off a blaze, or the tingling feeling that Alex gave me. It was a possibility, maybe even hope. Reed was here, I had someone who cared enough to check up on me. Doors were still open, and the world hadn’t crumbled yet.
“What, ah…” I wrapped my hand around the back of my neck, struggling to find the words.
Alex helped me find a different voice, one that wasn’t laced with venom. Something told me to use it now. I didn’t want to go back—I couldn’t go back to who I was before. I wasn’t done changing yet. There was still something to prove; to Joon, to Alex, to everyone that had some semblance of hope for me.
“What do you think about me?” I asked finally.
Nope. That sounds like a fucking confession or something.
Reed let out a roaring laugh; one that made his head go back, and his beer spill over his fingers. When my frown threatened to touch my jaw, and he wiped tears from his eyes, he finally settled. He settled that mismatched gaze on me, and for once, his face was serious.
“You’ve got issues, but we all do. I think you were given a shitty hand—like,really shitty. Me? I wouldn’t have made it; I would’ve tapped out a while ago. But you? You’ve got grit, dude. And… I think you have a good heart.” He smiled, and everything stopped.
“You have a good heart,” Joon said, looking over the skyline of Nightmyre.
Back then, we were newbies, and the VIA had their eyes everywhere, watching me. Not that they’d ever stopped; but in the beginning, every move I made was measured. They’d asked Joon to report on me, even though we were partners. He always lied for me, spun the truth so they’d see me in a better light. We never talked about it, but Joon always knew. The VIA had bet on me, and if they started taking losses, I would have traded my suit for a cell.
“We just gotta soften you up a bit,” he turned to me, grinning, “you’ll get there. I know you will.”
“—you’re fucking scary sometimes,” Reed said, and reality flooded back in. “But you’re a good guy, Leo. Go prove it.”
Alex openedthe door on the first knock, as if she’d been expecting me. It was a blessing and a curse, because I wasn’t even sure what I had to say yet. The words blurted out, and there was no stopping them.
“I should have told you sooner,” I croaked, and the world spun. “I just… I didn’t know how to talk about it. I wasn’t sure how much you knew at first.”
Joon was always afraid I’d burn her—I never realized that this was how I’d do it. But I couldn’t let it go, couldn’t walk away anymore. I had totry.
“I always tried to get you to hate me,” I admitted. “I wanted to keep you away. I know I’m dangerous, I know I’m an asshole, I know I… I know I hurt people. You’re the only thing I everwanted,and I know I ruined that, too. But if I could explain, please. You deserve that, at least. And then I’ll be gone for good, I promise.”
It made my stomach bottom out, admitting that this could be it. I’d tasted freedom, a piece of bliss that I’d never forget. Alex deserved the truth, at least. She deserved to know exactly why she should hate me.
Silence filled the air, my heart thudded in my ears, and she took my hand. The scent of lilacs covered her apartment, and when she pulled me into her bedroom, there was a candle sitting on her dresser. Right next to the picture of Joon. Alex was pale—not in the moonlight way, but in thesickway.
I did that.
Her sweatpants sagged off her hips, and an oversized cardigan hung off her shoulders, on top of a camisole that showed her belly. I remembered kissing her, remembered the sounds she made when I scraped my teeth against her skin. Was that only a few days ago that we were laying in her bed? It felt like a lifetime.
