Holding someone out of comfort, rather than desire, was a foreign concept. It was awkward, and I didn’t know what to do with my body, how long to stand there. I should have been the one coddling her, rather than the other way around. But Alex’s arms were firm, even though they could barely wrap around me. She refused to loosen her hold, and with each second that passed, my heart hammered against my chest.
Damnit, Alex.
She brought vulnerability out of me. Alex really was my weakness.
“I like this,” I said, my voice low. “The whole… affection thing. I think it’s releasing dopamine, or whatever.”
She chuckled before she tilted her head back. My stomach bottomed out as her eyes shone, lined with red. Was she crying? Joon always said she was a crybaby, but I didn’t see it back then. The more time we spent together, the more she let me see her tears. As much as it made my heart sink, it also made it soar. There weren’t walls between us, anymore.
There was no way this could be wrong. No way that this could be taboo, or something to feel guilty about. If it were, I didn’t give a damn anymore. I’d never been whole before, and I never considered that I could split myself open and let someone else in. This was freedom, and I wanted to savor every part.
“Good. And by the way, you’re not staying here.” Alex grinned, even though her eyes were still wet.
“What?”
“You’re staying with me, at least until you’re back to normal. I’m not letting you sleep in this metal fucking cell, do you understand me?”
My throat swelled as I placed a kiss on the top of her head, and my heart bled from a wound I didn’t even realize existed. “Understood, Sweetheart.”
TWENTY-THREE
ALEX
My hands werebeet red by the time I finished washing dishes.
It was a strange compulsion, cleaning my entire house as I tried to keep the thoughts at bay. Leo had layers; so many pieces to peel away, and everything was a fresh wound that he’d buried beneath ash. I used to think his anger was unreasonable, that he was just another jerk with a temper. But now?
I’d be angry, too.
In fact, I was furious. Thoughts of that cold fucking room that he was forced to call home, thoughts of every tabloid headline and every bad word that had been written about him. No one knew Leo—Ihadn’t known him. I think I was more angry at myself than anyone else.
Joon never told me about it.
I wondered if he’d known, wondered why he’d kept so many truths from me. Leo was never the enemy, even when he pretended to be. I hated how he let me believe it, how he’d leaned into it to keep me at arm's length. Just like he did with everyone else—he’d spent so long alone, he didn’t know when it was okay to actually let someone in.
Something heavy came down on my shoulder, and that musky cologne filled my breath, bringing me out of the internal rampage I was on.
Leo rested his head on my shoulder from behind, and his heat warmed my back. After Splinter’s attack on Nightmyre—or rather, made a declaration of war on the VIA and every Hero they managed—he was more regulated. Dahlia had gotten him a new watch to track his temperature, and they’d upgraded his everyday cooling system to a device that sat in the center of his chest. It was a requirement for staying with me; the VIA’s requirements, not mine. If he got too hot, they’d pump the new chemicals straight into his heart from now on.
Very healthy, totally ethical.
But his temperature stayed consistent. One hundred and one—a fever for most, but for Leo, it was like a remission.
He clung to me easily now; it hadn’t taken much time for him to adjust. We hadn’t kissed again, although the thought crossed my mind more times than I cared to admit. Instead, his affection showed in other ways, ones that were awkward and somehow cute at the same time. He was still learning how to be close to someone, and I was just fine with that.
“Alex,” he whispered. “Can I hug you?”
My mouth flapped, a fish out of water. “Uhm… yes?”
I was the one who pushed him out of his comfort zone, and now that he’d settled in it, Leo was constantly throwing me off guard. His need for touch was starved, and I was happy to oblige. Leo had never known comfort, and now that he’d been exposed to it, he was trying to take in enough for all the years he’d lost. He wrapped his arms from behind me, tugging me close as he bent down to nuzzle his face in my hair. His chest expanded against my back, and he took a long breath.
“What is that?” he asked.
I tilted my head. “What?”
“That smell,” he took a dramatic breath, and it tickled the back of my neck. “It’s like…lemon. It’s calming.”
“Ah,” I picked up a piece of my long, black hair. “It’s my shampoo. Minnie’s suggestion, actually.”
