“Of course she knows. You’re already tuning yourself to me, and we haven’t completed the ritual. We don’t keep anything from our lifemates. Riley knows when things are difficult for Dax, and she never stays long when they are away from home.”
“Why doesn’t she just go visiting her friends by herself?” Sarika tried not to make that sound like a challenge. Women were independent and quite capable of visiting friends and family by themselves. She couldn’t imagine having to wait for Tomas to give her permission to go where she wanted to go.
Tomas stroked a long caress over her hair. His fingers settled into the thick strands, and he did what he often did, began a slow massage.Sarika found that was one of her favorite things about Tomas. He knew when she was tense. He didn’t spend time trying to talk her out of her anxiety. He didn’t arbitrarily remove the knots and tightness from her body using his ability as a Carpathian. Instead, he eased as much tension from her as possible with his own two hands. Physically. And it felt good. Not just mildly good; she could curl into him and purr like a cat. That was how good it felt.
“It is difficult to be away from one’s lifemate,” Tomas revealed. “The bond is soul to soul. I am not certain how to explain it in your language. The only Carpathian I know that is able to leave his woman behind for any length of time is Zacarias. Zacarias and Marguarita have a very unique bond.”
She was fascinated. The sounds of the night were all around them, flooding the tree house with music from the night. Her hearing was even more acute than it had been, and the various creatures calling back and forth added to the beauty surrounding her.
“Tell me about them,” she encouraged. To her, it felt as though Tomas was giving her even more gifts, more adventures. It was surreal lying on the hammock tucked in close to him, breathing him in with every inhale.
“Zacarias is one of our greatest hunters. He’s legendary in our world. He has a shadow in him, a darkness, if you will. He saw to it that his brothers found their lifemates, and he left them with the intention of meeting the dawn. He was drawn to one of the family’s estates. He’d been there months earlier when a vampire attacked. It killed Marguarita’s father and tore out her throat because she refused to give up Zacarias’ resting place. He wasn’t even there at the time, but the family is completely loyal to the De La Cruz family. In any case, Zacarias saved Marguarita’s life, but she isn’t able to speak. Hearing one’s lifemate’s voice is what restores emotions and colors. In their case, that didn’t happen immediately because Zacarias never heard her voice.”
“How horribly tragic.” She felt for the couple, particularlyMarguarita. Unable to speak. Unable to voice to a very scary Carpathian what she might need.
“It worked itself out over time, but Zacarias carries a shadow in him. Without Marguarita close, colors and emotions are lost to him. He becomes the relentless hunter. He insists that his lifemate is stashed somewhere safe. I know his father used to take his mother along when he was hunting. If he had that same shadow, it would make sense.”
“But Zacarias doesn’t take his lifemate.”
“No, he won’t risk her. She once told Riordan’s lifemate that she knew Zacarias was safer hunting without emotion. She’s right. When I’m in the rainforest without you close, I shut down all ability to feel. If I were battling a vampire, I wouldn’t want him to even know about you. The risk would be too great.”
“But you intend to leave here.” Sarika finally got to the subject she was very afraid of. Strangely, leaving the rainforest felt more difficult to her than accepting that she would become Carpathian. She wanted to ensure that her jaguar was safe, the way Solange’s had been. She intended to talk to hers and explain every step of the way. If it became apparent that she would lose that well of feminine magic she attributed to her jaguar birth, she wouldn’t go through with the decision to become Carpathian.
“Yes, we can’t stay. I promise to bring you back as soon as the situation with Justice is resolved.”
There was that name again. Justice. He was the reason the Carpathians were on edge. He was the person they believed was planning to kill the prince and destroy the Carpathian people. He wasn’t vampire, but he wasmore. She knew he had escaped the underworld after being held there for centuries. He was feared by those above- and belowground. The strange thing was, she could never actually catch a glimpse of him in any of their minds. As if he were a phantom they all chased.
“You don’t think Justice is vampire, yet he somehow is able to getvampires to do his bidding?” She caught glimpses of the battle with Gustov and Tomas’ conclusions.
“If Justice has turned vampire, there would be the kind of brutality that you saw with Mitro.”
“But Mitro was still Carpathian, not vampire, during the time he was committing such atrocities.” Sarika struggled to understand. She also realized the conversation was making Tomas increasingly uncomfortable. Was he hiding something important from her? He had been careful to tell her the strict truth and answer any question she’d asked. It occurred to her she hadn’t asked the right questions.
“He had not turned vampire, although many said he was acting like a vampire.”
She listened carefully to his neutral tone. He wasn’t giving anything away. “But he wasn’t yet vampire.” The jaguar amulet grew warm against her skin. Her hand crept up to cover it, to hold it against her. “What is it that you’re not telling me, Tomas? I know you’re holding something very important back from me.”
His arm tightened around her, an involuntary movement, as if he thought she might run from him when he revealed the important detail he had kept hidden.
“A Carpathian leads a very long life. It isn’t true that we can’t be killed. We can. It is just extremely difficult. Most hunters who do not find their lifemates seek the dawn rather than risk turning vampire. It is an accepted practice.”
“By seeking the dawn, you mean they stay out in the sun, and that kills them,” she clarified. She tried not to think of those honorable hunters living centuries and then choosing such a horrific death to ensure they kept that honor. It hurt.
The amulet pulsed in her palm, grew hotter as if trying to protect her from the overwhelming wave of empathy she experienced. She didn’t know any of the men who had faced that decision, but the grief overpowering her made it seem very personal. It took her a fewmoments to realize it wasn’t just her empathy; she was feeling Tomas’ grief. He didn’t seem to be aware he felt so deeply about those lost brethren.
A part of her acknowledged that she felt even more for Tomas, knowing he was grief-stricken losing so many of his friends.
“Yes, that is how they die,” Tomas acknowledged. “Not all of us believed that was the right thing to do if we truly had a lifemate. It was our duty to find our lifemate even if she was reborn several times throughout the centuries. That meant finding ways to stay alive and keep our honor no matter how difficult. A number of us chose to continue long past the time we should have ended our lives.”
Sarika listened to every nuance of his voice. He sounded matter-of-fact. He always spoke in a low, velvety tone. The way he talked appealed to her. Everything about Tomas appealed to her. The reluctance to continue was there, but she felt she knew him far better than either of them realized. He would tell her the things he would prefer she didn’t know, and he would do so honestly. It was something that was desperately important to her in their relationship. She could handle bad news as long as her partner shared with her and allowed her the necessary time to process. She wanted to be heard in their relationship. And respected. Tomas, despite the advice from his brothers and Luiz, seemed to do both.
“Those of us who chose to remain found strange changes taking place. Where before, we continually heard the whisper of temptation, voices insisting if we killed while feeding, we would feel something, a rush after centuries of nothing, those whispers ceased. Completely and utterly stopped. What was worse? Hearing the continual temptation, or the absolute silence that followed for centuries? We found ourselves living in a complete void.”
Sarika deliberately used her ability to see into others to merge with Tomas, tuning her energy to his to allow her to feel what he had experienced for so many centuries—what his brothers and Luiz were stillsuffering. Most of the time when she connected with those close around her, she didn’t do so deliberately. It just happened, usually when they were experiencing strong emotions. Or there was danger.
She didn’t want her privacy invaded without consent, so she was as careful as she could be not to intrude on anyone else’s privacy as a rule. This was so important, too important not to miss whatever it was that Tomas was feeling. He distanced himself so much, and she understood why he would. Emotions weren’t helpful when battling a vampire. After centuries with no awareness of feeling, the intensity was overwhelming. Toning them down, or putting them aside altogether, was the intelligent thing to do.
“We noticed as we continued to hunt our enemies that our skills, reflexes and awareness became more and more acute. We could heal our wounds faster. We seemed to be evolving, although it was slow, and we didn’t notice immediately. And then, little by little, we found that we could feel when in battle. It was a rush unlike anything we remembered. There was joy in battle. The longer the fight lasted, the longer that rush. The temptation, obviously, was to prolong the battle, draw it out so we could continue to experience emotion as long as possible. That rush was addicting, much, I’m certain, as it is for vampires when they kill while feeding.”
