“I have no intentions of making you my puppet.”
“Agree that you will never command me to do anything.”
He was silent for a long time. The beating of her heart was overly loud, and she knew he could hear. She wished Nicu wasn’t there to witness her fear of Benedek. It was bad enough that he knew she was afraid of him, but to have his friend know as well was utterly humiliating.
“O jelä sielamak, I would like to make this part of our agreement, but there might be special circumstances when I have to aid you with something. I do not want to ever break our terms for any reason.”
Her first reaction was absolute rejection, but she forced her mind to be still, to think. He didn’t have to tell her he was capable of commanding others to do his bidding. He’d volunteered the information. He also could have made a promise that he knew sooner or later he would break. He didn’t.
“You can envision a scenario when you think it would be necessary to command me against my will to do something?”
He shook his head. “Not against your will. You are my chosen partner. The two most important traits in our partnership should be trust and loyalty. You would never be able to trust me if you worriedI’d betray you by commanding you to do something you were adamant you didn’t want to do.”
Silke turned his explanation over and over in her mind, unwilling to squash the deal between them, but not yet satisfied with his answer. She liked that he valued trust and loyalty. Those were two traits she put above everything. She wanted to know he would always have her back in any situation. She knew she would have his. But he was asking a lot of her. No, demanding a lot. She wasn’t going to agree to anything she felt would make her less than a full partner. Being commanded by him definitely came under that category.
“Could we come to terms by you agreeing you will only do your commanding if I have given my consent for you to do so ahead of time? That way I’m part of the decision. I’ll know what you’re doing and why.”
She thought that was very reasonable. She was avoiding the idea of becoming Carpathian. If she was truthful with herself, she would admit she had often been envious of Tora’s ability to fly. To conceal herself. To shift shapes. But there was the sleeping underground and being vulnerable, paralyzed, during daylight hours. There was using human beings for sustenance. Blood. She couldn’t imagine that. Just the thought was so daunting her stomach lurched.
Tora gave you blood on more than one occasion.
She kept forgetting he had access to her memories.I didn’t bite her neck. It was more like a transfusion when I’d lost too much blood during a battle.
His face darkened.Reminders of you going into battle with vampires aren’t a good idea while we are coming to terms with the rules for our arrangement.
She couldn’t look away from his dark eyes. He really didn’t like that she’d been wounded several times while fighting a vampire. Strangely, she was conflicted over his reaction. She didn’t want anyone, least of all the man who would be her life partner, to dictate to her where she belonged in a fight. On the other hand, it felt good that he cared enough to be angry. And he was angry.
The atmosphere in the room had changed significantly the moment she told him she’d lost blood. The energy became turbulent. A storm. The two of them clashed in midair.
Nicu sighed. “We established that the two of you were to stay out of each other’s heads. If you’re going to discuss something, you need to do so aloud. We’ll be here all night at this rate.”
Benedek raised his gaze to his friend. “If we need to be here all night and all of tomorrow night for Silke to feel comfortable, we will be.”
Her heart reacted, clenching unexpectedly. He was standing up for her, not happy with his friend for reprimanding her. Or them. But she knew he didn’t care what anyone said to or thought of him. She’d seen the lack of ego in him. He might appear arrogant on the outside, but where it counted, he didn’t need or want anyone to approve of him.
“I want you to approve,” he corrected, proving he was still in her mind. “That’s what we’re working on.”
She tried not to hug his words to herself. He almost sounded like he wanted her for her. She knew better, and she wasn’t a woman to live in a fantasy. The stark reality was, her side of the bargaining table was much steeper than his.
“The issue with blood can be resolved over time. I can aid you the way Tora has done in the past until you feel capable of taking your own sustenance.”
“You make it sound so easy. Overcoming lifetime inhibitions doesn’t quite work that way.”
“I am told exchanging blood with one’s lifemate can be quite erotic.”
Heat rushed up her neck into her face. She didn’t dare look at Fenja. The way his raspy voice and intriguing accent pronouncederoticsent little flames licking along her nerve endings.
“I think you know we can figure out both problems over time.”
“I would prefer to be independent going into the decision of becoming Carpathian. I don’t want to feel as if you have to take care of me.”
His brows drew together. “Silke, you will be my lifemate. It is my honor and duty to look after you.”
Duty. Had he stuck with honor she would have been thrilled, but he had ended his comment with the fact that she was his duty to care for. She had to reach a point where she could let go of the idea of ever being loved. Love wasn’t necessary between them. But respect and loyalty were a must for her.
“I appreciate the sentiment,” she answered carefully. “But I’ve always looked after myself.”And everyone else. She hadn’t meant to allow him to catch that. She didn’t feel sorry for herself. It was a fact. She dealt in facts.
Not anymore. You won’t be alone.
