The questions increased in detail as we dove further into my time with Lucas. He teased out the broken elements and made them romantic. Luke’s overprotectiveness became a product of love instead of fear. My attraction to him was less sexual and more fanciful, like a schoolgirl crush.
Logan began to ask specifics of our conversations. He focused on the poignant moments, like the conversation we had about psychological scars or Lucas’s theories regarding the NAO’s hatred. He liked me to quote Lucas’s constant words of advice.
Never believe someone just because they’re saying something you want to hear.
Play the player, not the game.
Never attack in anger. You will always lose.
Look for the details beside the obvious.
Grief is like snow.
Logan glossed over the injuries I’d obtained on that failed rescue mission, choosing to focus on what happened when I woke.
“We argued over my safety,” I said. “He felt the Defiance was unnecessarily placing me in dangerous situations. He made me stay with him until I healed.”
“Did he tell you then that he loved you?” Logan asked.
“No, he never said it. He thought he was going to die, and he didn’t want it to haunt me.”
“What did he say instead?”
I swallowed. “I would ask him to stay with me, and he’d…”
“Yes?”
“He’d say,Until I die.”
Logan smiled.
The interview continued, and I idealized the possessive, desperate months we spent together, lost in sex and eviscerating fear.
He asked about the ring on my finger, and I recited the story I’d been coached to tell.
“And before you left him that day, did you say anything?”
“I asked him to stay with me.”
“What did he say?”
A beat.
“Until I die.”
Logan’s eyes glinted behind his glasses, and he continued on with his questions. They became harder to answer, especially as he asked about the fall of the quarantine house. He wanted me to describe how it felt to fear for my life, to know there was no hope of escape.
“Were you caught?” Logan asked.
“Yes.”
“By who?”
“One of the Blood Colonels,” I said. “Jack Miller.”
“What did he do?”
“He—he hit me until I blacked out.”
