“It’s just been a hard few months,” I said. “Lonely.”
He squeezed my shoulder. “War is a terrible thing, and we see only a portion of it within these walls. It takes a large toll on our hearts to see so much senseless death.”
Senseless.
Such a good way to describe it.
Where was the sense? What was the point? Why were we still killing each other in the streets? I could no longer remember what we truly fought for, and wasn’t that a terrifying truth? Did the soldiers on the other side feel the same?
We were all pawns in the game of war.
“My heart feels…disfigured,” I muttered because at least that was true. Truer than silence. Truer thanI’m fine.
“I know, Sophia. I’m here any time you need to talk,” he said and gave me a smile. “Zara as well. She misses you.”
With a stiff nod, I returned to the supplies that needed organization, still distracted, grateful to the schedule that I had no patient responsibilities that day.
The following Thursday,I headed to the house on Evanston under a lovely fall sunset. The trees had transformed into a rainbow throughout the neighborhood, and the air caressed me with the unique notes of autumn—dying leaves and burned wood.
The smell of death.
Despite the beauty, my stomach twisted into knots. What would I walk into? Would Lucas even show? Last week had been a series of mistakes that we couldn’t undo. Would he pretend nothing happened or pick a fight with me about it? I’d played out this encounter so many times in my head that it felt as if I’d already lived it.
I’d argued with him. I’d brushed it aside and returned to the status quo. I’d leapt into his arms. I’d dropped to my knees. Any scenario was equally likely, yet each one had a single thing in common: I had no idea how it would end.
With nerves tingling in my stomach, I opened the front door to find Lucas standing in the middle of the living room, waiting. His unblinking stare latched onto me while I shut the door and leaned against it. Before I could speak, he crossed his arms. “I have three pieces of information for you to take to Harrison today,” he said in a clipped tone. “You ready?”
Narrowing my gaze, I searched his face and found a well of bewildering anger. He stood straight, cold, military-stiff, and I fought the urge to shrink away from this version of him. Why was he so furious? Was it with me or the situation at hand?
“Lucas,” I said, a plea and argument all at once.
“Three things,” he repeated, eyes bright in the candlelight. “Are you ready?”
I hesitated, unsure how to navigate these unfamiliar waters. Of all the scenarios I’d imagined, incandescent rage on his part wasn’t one of them. “Is—is this how it’s going to be?”
“Moving forward, this will be a transactional relationship. You will arrive on time and safely deliver my information to General Harrison. In exchange, I will provide the most accurate information I can.”
My shoulders slumped despite my desire to stand tall. “That’s what I wanted in the beginning.”
“And now it’s what you’re getting.”
“But I don’t want that anymore.”
His jaw clenched. “I don’t give a fuck what you want.”
The tiniest flame of resentment ignited. What the hell had I done to deservethis? Fury wasn’t a fair reaction on his part, and why did he always get to make the rules?
I was so tired of the power imbalance between us.
“I can see you’re gearing up to say something that flaunts your suicidal stubbornness,” he said, “so let me stop you now. There will be no argument. From now on, this will be the arrangement.”
A thick sensation surrounded my throat, making it ache. “I don’t understand.”
“Yes, you do,” he said. “You’re not a stupid person.”
The sudden impulse to throw things at him was a difficult one to suppress. “Then explain it to me like I am,” I snapped.
His expression didn’t change, but something brightened about him, almost as if he found me funny. Fiery anger sizzled deep in my belly.
