“I know you didn’t. You have too much on the line to turn now,” he says with no hesitation.
His phone vibrates in his hand, and he looks down. “Traffic’s backed up on 25. There was a three-car pileup by the Tech Center.”
“Eighty-five it is,” I say as I turn on my blinker, getting over.
The next three and a half hours, I drive, constantly checking my mirrors.
Brothers weave in and out of traffic, trailing behind like I recommended until the road clears. Even then, they hang back, making it appear like we aren’t together.
When we pull over at our rendezvous point, I don’t miss the looks of respect I get from some of the brothers, which makes it all worth it.
CHAPTER
THREE
ASPEN
Yawning, I walk into the kitchen to grab myself a snack.
I always thought I wanted to live a life where I didn’t need a job and could stay home all the time, but now that I am living that life, I have to say, it’s for the birds. I feel like I no longer have purpose. I’m stuck inside my head most of the time, overthinking what I did wrong and what life would be like if I had made different choices.
It’s so exhausting.
So when I walk into the kitchen to find Lisa, Kim, Maggie, and Rain sitting around the island chatting, for once, I’m grateful for the distraction.
“Aspen, come join us. We are having lunch,” Kim offers, pushing out the stool next to her.
“Thank you. What are you all doing here?” I ask, taking my spot.
“We are working on the charity carnival we are putting on. The club contracted with a traveling carnival and agreed to pay their fee to come here. In return, they donate half of all their profits to the Mountain River Charity Fund.”
“Wow. That sounds amazing,” I tell them honestly.
“It really is. Do you want to help?” Lisa asks.
I hesitate. I do need purpose, but I am still wary of leaving the compound at all. I still feel like something bad will happen if I do. I know it’s in my head. My therapist even warned me it may take me some time to be able to go out in public again, but that I should try if I can. Still, I am not sure.
“I’ll think about it.”
“You take all the time you need,” Maggie tells me.
I love her. She’s my best friend, but her understanding only adds to the weight on me.
“I’m going to make myself a cup of coffee. Does anyone want one?” I ask.
They all say no and continue to chat while I walk to the other side of the kitchen. I’m pouring myself a mug when Kim comes up and leans against the counter next to me.
“How are you really doing? No need to hide your feelings with me.”
Kim is a sweet woman. There is something so motherly in her face. I find myself wanting to tell her my struggles, so I do.
Looking over at the others, I’m relieved they are entranced in their own conversation that they are not paying attention to ours.
I sigh. “I’m doing as well as can be expected in the situation. There are still so many feelings inside that are knotted up. I don’t know how to unravel them.”
“First, you need to identify them. Then accept them and move on.”
“I don’t think I can ever move on. It feels impossible. I feel like this will weigh on me for the rest of my life.”
