“Yes. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t make sure my woman went to bed satisfied and clean?”
“A man who lets me die a happy woman.”
Kissing the tip of her nose, I only chuckle as I carry her across the hall. This is going to be the quickest shower we’ve ever had. I need to be in bed with her, wrapping her in my arms, while she snores against my chest. We were perfect like that, and we will be again.
Chapter 30
Betty
The warmth of someone else’s skin makes my cheek sweat as I groan awake.
Arching my back, my entire body aches.Geez, I really had sex with Nash Donovan last night.I. Had. Sex. With. Nash. Donovan.
My mind doesn’t know whether it wants to sit in stunned silence or cheer in victory. How had we gone from not speaking to sex? How does that happen?
Rolling all the way onto my side, it seems surreal to watch him. I’ve never seen him as relaxed as when he sleeps. He’d woken before me at the cabin, so I hadn’t gotten this moment to appreciate his handsome face. The dark hair and short beard give him such a rugged appearance, especially with the proud, straight nose dotted in freckles from the sun.
Time seems to stop as I curl into his side and stare. I’d finally gotten everything I had always wanted. Nash said all the things I’ve been waiting to hear for what seems like a lifetime. Then ithits me, the wave of nausea, causing me to scoot to the opposite edge of the bed.
We’d had sex without protection. It’s not diseases I’m worried about, but the fear of getting pregnant. I’d been on birth control then, too. Somehow, luck wasn’t on my side, though.
Slipping out of bed, I rifle through my suitcase searching for clothing. Underwear, bra, sweats, t-shirt. I’ll look crazy, but I need to get to town. This can’t happen. Not again.
Panic has my heart racing. Every breath escapes as a wheezing pant, remembering what happened last time I’d let emotions get away from me. I’d lost everything. My entire life devolved into nothing as I sank into myself.
“Betty,” Nash groans behind me. “What are you doing?”
I startle, jumping away from my suitcase like a child caught with their grubby hands in the cookie jar. My eyes become saucers as they bounce around the room. “Um, can I borrow your truck? Please.” My voice quivers, the words barely escaping between my uneven breaths.
“You’re not leaving,” he groans again, those cobalt eyes finally focusing on my face.
I’m not sure what he sees, but he jumps out of bed instantly, marching over to me. His muscles flex as his hands cup my face. Tucking my lips into my mouth, I fight to keep my gaze focused on the wall behind him and not his naked form in front of me.Don’t. Look.“Your truck? Can I—” I can barely voice the question again.
“Where are you going?” he questions, ducking so I have to meet his stare.
This wasn’t something I ever wanted anyone to know. I’ve carried it alone for the past seven years. Only my mom knows, but we’ve never talked about it again after that day. I told her not to ask me how I was doing, and she has honored that.
“I just. Um, I need to go into town.”
“Okay, I’ll take you.” His eyes scan the room for his clothes, finding them scattered around the floor before he slips them on.
“Nash, I don’t want you to come. Just…” I drag in a shaky breath, fighting back the tears burning behind my eyes as my stomach continues to churn. “Never mind, I’ll just call a cab.”
Taking a wide arc around him, he reaches for me, just catching my fingertips. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but I need you to tell me. Did I hurt you? Was it what we did?”
That first tear slips free as my chin falls to my chest. Resolve settles in my gut. If I want something real with Nash, this isn’t a secret that can die with me.
“You might want to sit down,” I sigh, pulling free of his hold to sit on the edge of the unmade bed.
He slowly lowers himself beside me, a hand resting on my thigh in reassurance.
“I don’t know if you ever knew about my last long-term relationship. Ryan and I were together for years, and things were great. I thought he’d be the man I married.” Nash’s fingers tighten on my thigh with my words, but I keep going. “Um, there’s really no good way to put any of this, but I ended up pregnant. I was on birth control, so I was surprised, but I lost myself after that.” The knots in my stomach tighten. Having to relive those feelings all over again with the man of my dreams next to me hurts so much more than I ever thought it would. I’ve never talked about this. Never said the words out loud, and now that I am, I wish I could put it all back in the box tucked away at the back of my mind. “I sat with the information for a few days, realizing that though I’ve always wanted kids, I didn’t want them with him. It was impossible for me to reconcile that I thought I’d marry the guy, but didn’t want to have children with him. To make a long story short, I never told him. My mother went with me to a clinic. I had an abortion, and I’ve never told anyone untilnow. It’s a fear that has stuck with me and often keeps me from sleeping with anyone.”
Nash pulls me into his side, wrapping his arms around me before kissing the top of my head. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s the past…”
“Clearly it’s not,” he retorts, causing me to flinch at his words.
