That is, if my heart doesn’t give out waiting for her answer.
Chapter 28
Betty
He ignored me all day. From the moment we left the kitchen, dressed, and met back in the foyer, not a single word. Not even when he held my door open for me to climb into the backseat of his truck. Not. A. Damn. Word.
Now he’s out here demanding more from me? More, I’m not sure I have in me. How much more of myself do I have to give Nash before there’s nothing left? Before, all I am is a shadow of the woman I’ve always known, but everyone else is just getting to meet.
Too many emotions course through me as I stare at his face. A face I’ve always known. Handsome with his straight nose and his thick umber hair that’s usually styled but remains wild now as if he shook it after his shower and didn’t touch it again. He’d looked the same the morning we woke up in the cabin together, wrapped in each other’s arms.
His blue eyes draw me in. They, too, seem to swirl with emotion. I don’t doubt that he cares about me. We’ve been ineach other’s lives for a long time because of my family, but how am I supposed to believe he wants me the way I need him to?
All he’s done is run and push me away. No doubt I’m past the point where it would be considered respectable to give him another chance. I have to be. Right?
For my sake, I need to stay strong this time. Honest, sure, but no going back. I can’t keep digging myself out of the pit of despair each time it gets to be too much for him.
His words echo through my mind.“You’re not leaving until you tell me what you want.”
He’s had almost a year to ask me that question. It’s been almost that long since I told him how I felt about him. Sure, I was drunker than an ox, but every word had been the truth. He’d told me exactly what I’d said during our week of bliss. Embarrassment flushed my cheeks as I hid behind my hands, but he’d only gently pulled them away and smiled down at me.“I wouldn’t have been ready to hear those words before,”he’d whispered against my lips, before kissing each of my palms sweetly.“But I’m glad I have now.”
Another tear slips free, replaying the moment. I’d believed him. I’d hung on every word and let my heart get carried away.
A long drag of air filters into my lungs as I press my eyes shut before meeting his again. “Part of me wants to hate you. I want to hate you for everything you’ve put me through. But I can’t because it’s not your fault that I let you.” His lips part as if he’s going to speak, but I only shake my head. “Part of me wishes I’d never met you. Because, Nash Donovan, if you’d never slept over at my house and found me outside under the stars with your kind smile and gesture, I would have never fallen in love with you.” His fingers dig into my thigh, but I try to ignore it as my core tightens, knowing I am about to confess my worst want of all. “What’s worse is a part of me still wants you to take me upstairs to your bedroom and make love to me.”
Those vibrant blue eyes flare with heat, his sharp intake of breath causing me to look away. That hold tightens before he grips the point of my chin, forcing my gaze back to his.
“I can’t do that.” The words release as if he’s straining to say them. My body jerks back, trying to pull away from him. I’m done. No more. I can’t keep doing this to myself. “I can’t make love to you, Andromeda. Not the first time. I’ve been waiting too long to have you.”
My brain ceases to function… did he just—? My mouth opens and closes multiple times as I search for a response. A way to challenge him or encourage him to take me however he wants. I’m not sure which.
He tilts his head as if asking me to answer. Those eyes plead with me to say something. They’ve been doing that since he found me out here.
My fingers shake as I grab hold of Nash’s. It’s one night. I’m leaving in the morning, and then I can once again beat myself up for giving in to him so easily, but for now, I don’t know how not to take advantage of this moment. I’m once again reminded that this is what I’ve always wanted—a real chance with Nash Donovan.
A hard swallow lodges in my throat before I can trust myself to speak. “Take me upstairs.” His eyes search mine, darting back and forth as if in disbelief I’d just agreed. A wide grin stretches on his face before he pulls me to my feet, grabbing me behind my thighs and tossing me over his shoulder. “Nash!” I burst out laughing.
It makes no sense that I’m laughing as his fingers flex against my bare thighs. Not when the blood is rushing to my core and my head, splitting itself between the two body parts, both throbbing in tandem.
“I’ve wasted every other chance with you,” he grunts. “I’m not tonight.”
As if I weigh nothing at all, he marches through the house, up the stairs, and to the door at the end of our hall. He pauses for a moment. My only view is his toned ass and back, but I wish I could see his face. My heart seizes knowing this is the moment he backs away. He came to his senses before he even got me to his bedroom.
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
I press my eyes shut, cursing myself when he turns on his heel, kicks open my bedroom door with his toe, and then slams it shut with his bare foot.
Those rough palms run along my body as he slowly lowers me to my feet once again, watching my face as if he believes he might be dreaming. Cupping my cheeks, he lowers his mouth to mine. His lips are soft, almost questioning and tentative, as if he’s not sure what’s happening.
I haven’t kissed him since just before the rodeo. It was nothing more than a spontaneous stolen moment in a random corner, just before Harper found me. He’d appeared out of nowhere, yanked me by the hand, and pinned me to the wall. His hard body pressed flush against mine as he kissed me stupid. What I would give to go back to that moment. A moment I was sure this was real.
A dark, smoky whiskey flavor coats his lips, wrapping my taste buds in a cozy blanket. A moan escapes me as his tongue swipes along the seam of my mouth, demanding entrance. He can have it. He can have everything if he’s going to keep kissing me like this. Like he’s starved, and I’m the only sustenance he’ll ever need again. As if he wants me just as much as I want him. With that primal groan that just escaped him, I can almost believe he does.
Pulling away from my mouth, he breathes heavily, his forehead pressed to mine. “Listen to me. If I’m ever too much,you need to tell me, do you understand?” My eyes only search his, unsure of what he means. “Tell me you understand.”
“Yes,” I breathe, running my fingers over his cheeks and short beard. “Yes. Just please, Nash. Don’t pull away again.” The words are a plea, though fear of the past reminds me we always get to this point, and that’s when he bolts. Those memories knot my stomach now.
Pleasedon’t do this to me again.
