Several key components comprise being a roughstock distributor. Breeding is one of those areas. It’s always been the most interesting to me. I never had the patience to study science and the genetics behind what we do, but like the mathematical equations I’ve always used for my consulting, I thought there must be one for animals, too.
The right combination, in theory, should produce the desired offspring. With time and experience, you can identify the characteristics, traits, and pedigree that create the perfect athletes to train and then excel in their performances. The harder they buck, the better the score. That’s the game. That’s our responsibility.
I become someone else when I dive into work mode. The enormity of my responsibilities focuses me. Every thoughtaligns, and the pathway through the endless pieces of information guides my thought processes. It’s all a puzzle for me to solve and determine the outcome. Is it desired or not? Is it what we’re looking for? Are there other ways to capitalize on what’s in front of us?
My list of analysis questions is endless. It’s how my mind works and why I’ve been so successful.
We walked through several female cows, a heifer, and two bulls today. For two minutes, I lost my focus, my gaze locked on the profile of Betty’s face as she asked intuitive questions about the bulls. Questions that made me wonder if she’d actually been studying up on all things rodeo, as she said. I never doubted her. However, I assumed it was more along the lines of an internet search. It’s what most do, then throw on their boots and cowboy hats, pretending to be experts, just to make an ass of themselves when they say all the wrong things. Yet another reason I hate lingering around the locals after the rodeo. I’m stuck listening to their bullshit when all I want to do is sit in silence.
Those two fucking minutes were a movie on repeat in my mind the entire drive home. Three hours of Betty’s voice and her scrunched nose and raised brow. Three hours of recalling how her jeans hugged her round ass and her toned arms flexed as her hands moved as she spoke. Torturous minutes of recalling how her sparkling brown eyes shone in the sun, and the way she and River giggled as they pet every cow they could get their hands on.
It had been such a reprieve not to obsess over her for a few hours, only to climb behind the wheel and think about nothing but her. I need to make this right between her and me. She may not want me back, but I can’t exist in a world without her laugh or her friendship.
Gray and River disappeared to their room after dinner, River claiming she was exhausted. All it means is they’re going to fuck until dawn, and I’m not sitting in my own house listening to it.
Wandering out to the back patio, the soft glide of the sliding door immediately drops me into the balmy night air. I used to sit out here a lot. It reminded me of the family farm: all the open land and fresh air. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend I was back there. I was home.
A heavy sigh leaves me as I shuffle toward the lounge chairs by the pool. I might be out here for a while, so I might as well get comfortable. Katherine insisted on these chairs because of a mesh technology that allowed them to mold to the body. To me, they were expensive for no reason, but again, she wanted them, so I gave them to her. That’s a husband’s job. We’re supposed to provide.
Tapping do not disturb on my phone, I nearly launch it into the pool when I find Betty lying out in one of the chairs. “Betty?”
Her eyes remain trained on the sky above, mine tracking up at the midnight blue high above us. Every star seems to be out as if determined to illuminate the night sky. Maybe they are shining for the girl who has always treasured them more than anything. “Hey,” she whispers.
That same disappointed tone of defeat coats that single word. Not once has Betty ever greeted me with a single word, and not so much as looked my way.
“Mind if I join you?” I ask slowly, lowering myself onto the lounge chair beside her.
Her shrug makes my brow scrunch low. Even when she was furious with me, she gave me more than this. Now I get nothing. How did I fuck us up so badly? “It’s your house,” she drones.
“Betty, look at me.” My words escape softer than I would have imagined, especially when I’m this desperate for her eyes to meet mine. She hasn’t looked at me since our awkward morning in the kitchen. I hadn’t meant for her to hear what I said to Gray, but she did, and fuck did it destroy me to see her so heartbroken.
I should have known my words would be taken all wrong the moment they passed my lips. I wanted to know why they brought her here because I needed to know if there was hope for us. When I’d said I was too tired for this, I was referring to her cold shoulder. I was too exhausted to feel so shattered, though my actions were responsible for our current situation. I didn’t mean to say anything negative about her.
Her head slowly turns toward me, her hands still crossed over her stomach. I can’t read her expression as she just stares at me with those lifeless eyes. Not once have I ever seen her like this. The silence I always welcomed is stifling now. I need her to say something. Anything.
“Can I talk?” I ask nervously, running my palms together. Her brow arches high as her mouth sets into a straight line with her curt nod. This is up to me to bridge the gap. It’s up to me to fix what I broke. “I’m sorry. The words aren’t enough, but I am. It’s just been me handling my shit for the past eight years, well, longer. I didn’t think about including you because I’ve never had to include anyone, not even my ex-wife. There was nothing intentional about my distancing myself these past few weeks, and by the time I realized how it hurt you, I wasn’t sure I could fix it.”
“One call, Nash. Just one. That’s all it would have taken.”
“Baby, I’m sorry,” I plead, but her glare keeps me from moving toward her. What I would give to hold her and make her believe I want her. That I need her because I do. “Betty, I want you. You know I do.”
She angrily swipes a tear before it has a chance to snake down her cheek. “Do I?”
I can’t take it anymore. I need to touch her. Shoving off my chair, I crouch beside her, her body bolting upright into a sitting position as if she’s preparing to run. She keeps her thighs pressed tight together, mine straddling hers when I hold her inplace. Cupping her cheek, my thumb swipes away another tear before I force her gaze to meet mine.
“You know I never wanted to stay in Cole County.” Her head drops before she sniffles. “You would know that if you had ever just asked me what I wanted.”
“Andromeda, look at me.” Tucking my finger under her chin, I force her gaze to meet mine again. “Tell me what you want.”
She only tears her chin out of my hold with a humorless huff. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m leaving in the morning.”
No. No, she can’t leave. They’re supposed to be here for another night. I was supposed to have another day to convince her I wanted this. “The hell you are,” I snap, immediately clearing my throat, annoyed with myself for getting angry with her.
“My flight is first thing. I’m going to bed.” She moves to stand, but I grab hold of her bare thighs, holding her in place.
“You’re not leaving until you tell me what you want.”
Our eyes lock, and I know this is my last chance. Whatever comes out of her mouth next will determine if I can still make her mine or if I lose her forever.
