“Why what?” he prompted when she didn’t continue.
“Why did you do it? I know you were angry and hurt, but why didn’t you just yell? Or storm off again?”
The question he’d been dreading. Analyzing himself was never something he wanted to do. He never seemed to like what he found anytime he did. She was absolutely right, though. There were so many ways he could have reacted. He could have thrown something, shouted, slammed the door as he walked away … but he went for the most personal form of attack.
“I don’t know.”
“Bullshit.” She stopped tracing her finger over his palm so she could grab his chin and force him to look at her. “Tell me why.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he hedged. He did know why, but he did not want to tell her his entire truth.
“Tell me.” Her voice was dangerously quiet.
He knew for a fact that if he didn’t cough up the truth, their conversation was over, and so was his welcome.
“Because. After I got divorced, I was done with feelings, and love, and all of that bullshit. Sex was different. I’m good at that. I made it a point to have relationships that were just about sex. Then you came along.” His voice grew hoarse, and he had to clear his throat to continue. “Then you came along with your positivity and your aspirations. You made me think that maybe I could have more again. You made me crave more. To hear you say all we had was sex gutted me. It fucking gutted me. Instead of telling you that, I tried to make you feel just as hurt as I felt.”
She stared at him in silence. He wouldn’t have blamed her if she threw him out. She should have thrown him out. Hell, she shouldn’t have let him in in the first place after how he’d behaved. But he hoped more than anything that she would give him a chance to make it up to her. If that was even possible.
“Tell me how I can fix this,” he pleaded.
She stared at him in silence for a long moment before she finally spoke. “I’m so stupid,” she breathed.
Chris closed his eyes and waited. He knew what was coming next—what she meant by that statement. It was over. She was done with him. She meant she was stupid for trusting him not to hurt her. For being involved with him at all. He was preparing himself to get up and leave when her voice interrupted him.
“Only someone truly stupid would have already forgiven you.”
“What?” he asked, completely thrown off by what he heard.
“If I hadn’t already forgiven you, I wouldn’t have invited you to my dad’s tonight. But I had to hear from you why you thought I deserved to be treated that way.”
“You didn’t deserve it!” he whisper-shouted, careful not to wake Lily.
“I know. Before you, I refused to get into anything serious. Sure, I enjoyed more than just sex, but nothing that went asfar as planning futures together or any of that. My last serious relationship nearly ended me, so I never wanted to put myself in that position again. Until you. You and your stupid smile and your stupid green eyes.”
Chris laughed. “Should I smile less, then?”
“Don’t be a smartass,” she said with a short laugh. “My point is, that’s how I felt when you stormed out of here. I tried keeping at least some semblance of distance when it came to Lily. And I was so happy when you begged me to be a part of everything. Until you walked out. When you came back to talk, part of me didn’t believe you really wanted those things, and part of me wanted to hurt you. That’s why I said I didn’t want more. So, you don’t have anything to make up to me. We just have things to work through together.”
“So, what’s that mean?” he asked cautiously.
She grabbed his hand and returned it to her lap, resuming the finger designs. “We don’t need to take a step back.”
He breathed a sigh of relief.
“But,” she interrupted before he could say anything. “I’m not sure we can just go back to the way things were, either.”
He gripped her hand, stopping her from circling his palm and brought her hand to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on her fingertips. “We’ll start from here, then.”
The smile that spread across her lips was the first truly genuine and unguarded smile he’d seen in weeks. It reached her eyes, causing tiny crinkles. Without hesitation, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth against hers in a quick kiss.
“Stay the night?” she asked.
“Okay, but I’m not sleeping on the couch.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “But Lily—”
“Lily isn’t stupid and she’s not a baby. I’m not saying we should have wild sex, but we can sleep in the same bed. We’ll leave the door open.”
