One evening, after Liv had rewritten two new chapters and deleted them, her eyes were red and sore when Jake arrived. She sank down on the mattress and felt like crying. He had brought her a photo of the boys and her slippers.
‘I think I’m going to lose my job with Essie,’ she said with a sniff. ‘The boys have gone, and it feels like me and you are losing each other, too.’
He sat down beside her and took her hand. ‘You’re never going to lose me,’ he said. ‘I know we’ve been going through a hard time. But you’re kind of stuck with me. Unless you don’t want that?’
‘I don’t know what I want.’
‘Then stay here until you do,’ he said softly. ‘I’ll wait.’
When he wrapped his arms around her, she’d forgotten how good he smelled and she nestled against his chest. Throughout life, their haircuts might change, their skin would grow looser, and there would be many more ups and downs, but his heartbeat would always be the same. She felt it thrumming soft and strong against her cheek.
She thought about how Anthony was Essie’s rock, the love of her life she didn’t realize she had. She wondered, in that moment, if Jake was hers. Did love always have to be about golden sunrises and raging ravines?
Perhaps life was divided up like a book, into scenes and chapters. Liv and Jake were making their way through the bumpy middle and heading into the second half of their story.
She spoke to his chest. ‘There are some things about my job I’ve not told you, about Essie. Big, weird things.’
‘That’s fine. Tell me when you’re ready…’
She raised her eyes at him. ‘Do you trust me?’
‘Yes.’
She liked how he didn’t hesitate.
As the streetlights came on outside, rain bobbled on the windows. There were distant voices and Jake and Liv held each other until they grew tired. It felt natural to lie down on the bed together. They cuddled and kissed.
‘What do you want?’ he said softly in her ear. ‘When the sun rises tomorrow, what will make you feel better?’
Liv thought about it for some time. Her brain was scrambled and she wanted to stop thinking about Essie. ‘I know it sounds odd, but I really want to write,’ she said. It was no longer a dream for her, it was a burning desire. Something her dad would want for her, too. Jake’s love and patience had helped her to find it. ‘As for right now, I think I’d like you to stay,’ she said.
Chapter 35
Pumpkins
When Jake left the next morning, they kissed on the doorstep and wished each other a good day. Back in the room, Liv wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and sat down at the desk.
She recalled one of Essie’s memes on Instagram and looked it up on her phone.
If you meet something insurmountable, don’t try and fight it. It will only leave you with bruises. The trick is to outsmart it and do something it wouldn’t expect.
Liv deleted the last eight chapters of the manuscript. She wanted to completely rewrite them and she only had seven days left. The first of November was looming. She had to set all her emotions about Essie aside, and put her last wish to rest, for good.
She had to stop trying to write like Essie.
She had to stop trying tobelike Georgia.
She just wanted to be Liv again.
Essie had looked to men to provide her happy ending for her whole life and had never found it. For too many years,Georgia had relied on heroes to help save her. And it was time for her to break free.
Liv took the original dog-eared manuscript from her bag and looked through it once more. As she turned page after page, Essie’s underlined passages and notes all made more sense. Slowly, the anger she felt towards the author began to subside, overtaken by sadness and loss. Liv tried to think of her kindly.
She wrote in the notebook Jake made for her and channelled all her feelings into her work.
‘I need to do this alone,’ Georgia said to herself. ‘There are roads I want to travel. I need to look forward and not back, to make my own choices and mistakes. I’m finally letting you go. You might not be by my side, but you’ll always be in my heart. I’m ready to take my own path, not anyone else’s.’
For seven days solid, Liv wrote around the clock. She nibbled on dried cereal and typed as soon as the sun rose, and until it set. She fell asleep at the writing desk and crawled into bed when she woke in the night, shivering and cold. She asked Jake to keep away so she wouldn’t be distracted.
