“It’s none of your business who I’m with, El,” he tells her, his arms falling to his sides and his hands bunching into fists. I’ve noticed he does that when he gets mad or frustrated.
“It is my business when the person your screwing is my best friend!” she yells back. Now I feel like I’m caught in the middle of some sibling war, and I want to get as far away as possible.
Holland shakes his head, his brow furrowing as he looks between his sister and me before his gaze lands on Ellie.
“I love her,” he tells her, and my heart falls into my stomach. Did he just…?
“You what?” she asks, about as taken aback as I am.
“You what?” I ask, looking at him and almost completely forgetting what this entire conversation is about.
He continues to look at Ellie, who is standingin shock.
“We’re not just fucking. She isn’t just another girl. I love her, and it’s none of your damn business what we do or don’t do. Yeah, we should’ve given you the heads up or whatever, but in the end, it wouldn’t matter. Because if you were pissed about it or if you didn’t approve, I’d still love her. I’d still want to be with her, and I wouldn’t let you tell me I couldn’t,” Holland defends.
Oh my God. Holland loves me? I mean, I think a part of me already knew that, but he hasn’t said it yet.
Ellie looks between us before focusing on her brother.
“Holland, I want you to be happy. I want you both to be happy. If you make each other happy, I wouldn’t try to stop that. I just don’t like that you hid it from me,” she says, another tear falling down her cheek.
“I’m so sorry, El. We should have told you,” I say, hoping she can forgive me., forgive us, and we can all move on from this. Holland and I can continue whatever this is between us, and Ellie will know about it so we no longer have to hide.
Ellie nods, wiping her tear-stained cheeks. “Yeah, you should have. But I understand why you didn’t,” she tells me. I let out a breath, feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
“You do?” I ask, hope filling my voice.
“Yeah, I do. Just, next time, if there’s something this big happening in your life, tell me, please. I want to know,” she says. I nod in agreement.
“I promise, I’ll tell you everything,” I say, holding out my hand and extending my pinky for a pinky promise. Ellie joins her pinky with mine and we both kiss our thumbs.
“Okay,” she smiles.
“So, we’re good?” Holland asks, looking optimistic.
“We’re good,” Ellie agrees, and I can feel the tension in the room disappear as we each begin to calm down. I already feel like I can breathe again knowing that this whole thing is out in the open and my best friend knows.
The front door opens and Haley walks in with her bookbag slung over her shoulder and a small pizza box in her hand. She doesn’t see us at first, but when she does, her eyes widen.
“What the hell did I just walk into?” she asks, and I look back at Holland and Lainey hoping one of them will explain. “Why are you wrapped in a sheet?”
I look down at myself, having temporarily forgotten that I am indeed wearing a sheet instead of actual clothes. I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me. I can’t control it, and Ellie’s laughter follows. Holland joins in too until all three of us are laughing hysterically at Haley’s perplexed expression.
The front door opens once again, and this time, Mason strolls in behind Haley.
“You know, I’ve been looking all over for you, man. Wait, why are you wearing a sheet?” he asks, looking between Holland, Ellie, and me with confusion written all over his face. “What kind of freaky shit did I just walk in on?” Mason asks, and that causes our laughter to reach a new level of hysterics.
My body feels lighter, my head feels less full, and I feel freer to do what I want and feel how I feel now that everything is out. But there’s still something weighing on me.
Holland said he loved me. What the hell am I supposedto do with that?
Chapter 39
Holland
The warmth of the shower has done practically nothing to ease the pain and aching in my muscles. Practice was absolutely brutal today, and I think I was knocked on my ass more than I was standing vertical.
I don’t know what’s going on with me. My mind is racing, and I feel like there’s a huge weight on my chest. I shouldn’t feel this was since my sister now knows about Lainey and me.
