There’s nothing I can say to make this right. Nothing I can do to make this situation better. I’ve made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. But I’ll be damned if I don’t try to at least put out the fire.
“I don’t know, okay! I don’t know. I should have told you, I know. But I didn’t know what was going on and I wanted to be sure before I said anything,” I try to explain, but she shakes her head, running her hand through her short hair.
“I didn’t want you to hate me. I didn’t want you to be pissed that I was… hooking up with Holland.”
“Well, how’d that work out for you?” she snaps, and I stumble back a bit, bumping into Holland who has been quietly watching our interaction. “I’m your best friend, Lainey. You could have told me. We all knew you two had a thing, it’s been so obvious.”
Wait, what?
“What are you talking about?” I ask, confused as to what she means by it’s been obvious.
Ellie huffs. “You guys have had this weird tension between you for years. We’ve all seen it. We even made bets last year on how long it would take you guys to finally hook up.”
What the actual hell? Is she serious right now?
“Who’s ‘we’?”
“Gwen, Haley, and me. Mason even put some money in. We all knew it would happen; we were just waiting on you two to figure it out,” she explains, and I don’t know how to feel about this new development.
My friends were betting on if Holland and I would hook up? They could see something between us? How is that possible when I didn’t even see anything there?
“You could have just told me. I’m your best friend, I would’ve supported you,” she tells me, her voice back to the soft, inviting tone it usually is.
I look down at the ground, unable to meet her eyes. I’m not used to this kind of confrontation. This talk about feelings. I’m uncomfortable and I’m trying my best to stay strong. I’m not the one that’s hurting right now, Ellie is. I don’t get to be hurt. This is my fault.
“I didn’t think you’d want me with your brother, El. I didn’t know how you’d react. I couldn’t risk losing you,” I tell her, and her features soften a bit more.
“I’m more pissed now that you didn’t tell me, than if you would have just come to me in the first place,” she says, and my heart drops because I can’t tell if she’s going to forgive me for this or not, and I don’t know if I’d blame her if she didn’t.
“I know, I’m so sorry, El.”
“You know I don’t care if you’re with my brother. You’re basically my sister already, but I would have liked to know about it instead of walking in on you two… naked, might I add,” she shivers, her face contorting in disgust. “Who else knows?” she asks, and my stomach drops. Shit, I was really hoping she wouldn’t ask that question.
I peer up at her, trying not to cry because I know this will break her heart. Not only did I not tell her, but both of our friends found out before she did. She might never forgive me for that.
“Lainey?”
I look over at Holland who is watching me curiously. He doesn’t know that Haley found out. I never told him; I didn’t see a point.
“Haley and Gwen,” I say, ashamed.
“They both knew before I did? What the hell, Lainey?” she asks, and I honestly don’t even know what to say.
“Haley just… guessed it! She never really asked, she just assumed. She told me I had to tell you, and I knew I did. I just needed to wait until the right time. And Gwen, I told her about our kiss the day before the wedding because she practically dragged it out of me,” I explain, hoping she’ll understand.
“Kiss? What kiss?” she asks, and I grimace.
“We… kissed on the plane. Holland was having a panic attack, and I was trying to help-”
“With your lips?” Ellie shrieks, her face twisting indisgust.
“It was the only thing I could think of at the time!”
“I can’t believe this,” Ellie cries.
“Come on, El. It’s not that big a deal,” Holland tries, but Ellie doesn’t want to hear it.
“You.You’re supposed to be my brother. My twin, no less. We tell each other everything. Why wouldn’t you tell me you were hooking up with my best friend?” she asks, directing her anger at him instead of me for a change.
