He shrugs, “That’s what I’m hoping.” His mouth suddenly dips into a frown, “Is that okay, you’re not upset by that are you?” His face pales. “You didn’t want me to stay here with you like this, did you?”
“Oh God, no. I just envy that you’re in a place now, after all the stuff that went down with Julia, that you can do that. Without freaking out like I just did.”
He leans down and pecks a small kiss on my forehead, “You’ll get there, babe. And when you do, I hope we can connect in the way I think we would.”
Connect in that text, meet, hook-up, next kind of way. I sigh and force a feeble smile in his direction as he walks toward my front door. “Go have fun, sorry I’m weird tonight.”
He winks and closes the door behind him.
“Yeah,” I say to the empty room, “I’ll text-sex-next-you later.”
I wipe my face again and stare blankly at the floor, remembering the night Dex and I first became friends, both of us getting over our feelings for other people and binge-watching Netflix and laughing all night.
Instead of pouring another glass of wine, I drink straight from the bottle and finish it off.
My phone finds its way into my hands, my fingers tapping things out across the screen. I’m not on a dating app, or social media.
I’m unblocking Dex’s number. The room tilts around me.
Fun Fact: Alcohol increases the size of the send button by 100%.
Jane:Dex, you and all of your species suck.
Dex: Oh look. Jane the adolescent has finally unblocked my number to throw some more bullshit my way.
I gasp audibly.How dare he?
Jane:Do you know what happens when you constantly hurt someone? They begin to love you less, and after a while they start to forget that they ever loved you at all.
Dex: Great. Is this you telling me you’re completely over me?
Once again. myeyes fill with tears. I let them tumble down my cheeks. There’s no one here to watch them fall.
Jane:No. This is me asking you to hurt me just a little more.
Dex: I’m coming back to work on Monday.
Dex: So you could hate me all you want in person.
Dex: And you know what else?
I stare down angrilyat his three littleI’m typing-bouncing-ballswaiting for what else. He’s either writing a full-length novel or he’s left his phone open to the text thread and pretending to answer to make me fucking insane.
The phone rings in my hand, startling me.
“I did nothing wrong,” he starts without even a hello. His voice is thick and raspy and my tears spill more. Just hearing him talk still makes my stomach flutter, still makes my heart beat faster. “I was angry and hurt and grieving the loss of someone I thought was my biological child, Jane, while you were happier than a pig in shit. You never showed me compassion. You never—"
I hang up on him and the phone rings again and again.
I send him the screen shot of Pippa with her tongue down his throat as my answer.
He texts me back instantly.
Dex:When was that?
Dex: Where did you get that from?
Jane: I was on FaceTime with you while it happened.
