“No, I was a complete fool,” I said, taking another sip of soda. “I thought me and him could stay together and we’d have this stupid co-parenting thing and, God Julia, when he told me she wanted a relationship again and to be a family…and how he didn’t want to be like his father? What could I have said? I had to tell him to go. I couldn’t be selfish. I couldn’t ask him to stay with me and risk losing his daughter.”
“Oh Jane.”
My eyes well with tears and I wipe at them furiously.
“Do you think he’ll marry her?” she asks.
“Marry her?” Jesus, no, please. “I didn’t think about that until now, thanks. Do you think he will? Did he say anything like that to you? Is that what he’s planning?”
She lifts her shoulders and drops them quickly. “I’m sorry. I don’t know, it’s just what I was thinking. He didn’t say anything to me much more than you needed a friend and to make sure you were okay.”
I want to call him. I want to hear his voice and thank him for being the kind of man that cares about me like that. I cry harder. It’s uncontrollable. I can’t stop.
“I promise you. You’ll get over him, Jane.” She throws all her uneaten food into my wastebasket and runs over to hug me. “A few months ago, you were in love with a total stranger, who you found out was your friend’s boyfriend, remember? You’ll get over Dex the same way you did Nate!”
“That wasn’t as easy as you think,” I sniffle. “It killed me to see you together, until Dex and I started to heat things up.”
“Thenthat’swhat you have to do now. You have to get over Dex with someone else. Maybe you and Nate really do belong together. You should call him and maybe he can help get your mind off Dex the way Dex got your mind off of him?”
That’s the worst idea she’s ever come up with. How has she survived this long? “I don’t think so.” I don’t want to have sex with anyone other than Dex. Just the thought of it makes me feel weird. I’m going to have to find a Dexdopplebangerto ever get over him. I pull away from her and trudge into the living room and plop myself onto the cootie couch. What’s the use of caring anymore about Damian germs when there are worse things to think about?
“So, what are you going to do?” she asks, following me into the living room.
My phone is on my coffee table, still shut off. “I don’t know,” I say as I grab the phone in my hands and turn it back on.
Julia sits down next to me as my phone starts binging with dozens of missed calls and texts. There is only one message I press my finger to: a voice message from Dex.
“I just wanted you to know I won’t be working from the office for the next few days to help with Olivia…and I wanted to send you a picture, to see her.” His voice gets low. “But I wanted to say…I fucking miss you, Nash. With everything I’m made of, I fucking miss you. Okay…bye.”
I desperately want to call him,Hey Dex…I’ve been drinking about you lately.I miss you too, you dumb asshole.I miss you so damn much everything hurts. How pathetic would I sound?
There’s a text message from him. I tap on it and a picture of a newborn baby swaddled in a pale pink blanket takes up the entire screen of my phone. A small wrinkled face stares up into the camera and my heart stops beating. I know what I have to do. I have to get over him. No matter how much it hurts right now and how much I want to be with him, that precious little innocent face needs him more than I do.
“Holy shit, is that the baby?” Julia whispers next to me.
I nod and hand her the phone. “Olivia.”
“Oh God…”
“Yeah,” I choke out a cry.
“My heart hurts for you right now. And my ovaries. Why do my ovaries hurt?”
I wipe away more tears and shut my phone off again. That was enough contact with the outside world to last me five years. “So, subject change. What happened with the prince? I cut you off rudely on Friday before you could even tell me. I guess I’ve been an awful friend too.”
She leans her shoulder on mine. “I called him and his wife answered.”
“He’s got a wife?” I ask in a whimper.
“Yep. Shocked me too,” she sighs.
“Jesus. We suck at life. You want to drink or make cupcakes?”
She barks out a dry laugh. “Can we do both?”
“Yeah. Let’s do both.” I have only three moods. Overthinking. Overdrinking. Overeating.
Chapter 18
