“Yeah,” I said, pulling a drag off the cigar, watching the smoke curl into rings and fade into nothing.
“I’m going to miss her,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee. “Are you?”
“Am I what?”
She hit my arm with the back of her hand. “Going to miss her?”
I breathed in deeply, not answering.
“Well, she’s leaving this morning, so just be sure to say goodbye to her. I don’t think she’s ever going to come back here.” Brooke cocked her head to the side, and watched me carefully.
“What? Why?” I stammered, jerking my head back. Was Brooke just saying that to see my reaction?Because that was not a good reaction. But if it were the truth… My heart pounded hard and climbed its way into the base of my throat. And even though sitting outside in the cold was making my inside shudder icily, a cold sweat broke out across my forehead and down my neck.
“Dean, you only know about one tenth of the things her mother did to her growing up. I could tell you horror stories. I don’t know how the hell she came out ofthatchildhood a stable adult. There’s nothing left here for her.”
I found myself glaring at her and tried my best to blank my features, striving to sound indifferent. “And you really think she’ll never come back?”
“Never,” she swore, gravely.
“And she’s leaving this morning…when exactly?” I asked.
She shrugged, “As soon as she wakes up, would be my best guess. She was ready to leave when I came home last night, but I begged her to stay. She was really upset last night about everything.” She rubbed at her eyes and yawned. “I don’t even know if she ever got her mother’s door fixed. All I know is she never wants to come back.”
“Did she say…” I started, then swallowed loudly, and cleared my throat. “Did she say anything else?”
“You mean about you kissing her?” she asked drily, staring at me for a long time afterward.
My heart just about leapt out of my chest. “Shit,” I murmured.
“Not much. She just said you both kissed, and you apologized for doing it. You said it was wrong, and that was that.”
“Did she…was she okay? Did I…” I struggled with the question, mainly because I didn’t want to really hear the answer. I didn’t want to be one of the reasons she never came back here.
“What?Break her?” She laughed. “Dean, Liv has been through Hell and came out a better personbecauseof it. Not you, not her mother, not her father, or anyone else for that matter, can break her.” I was vaguely aware of a throbbing ache in the center of my chest. I opened my mouth to say something, but Brooke lifted a hand to stop me from interrupting her. “Not one of you has that power over her. I’ll tell you one thing; I want to be just like her when I grown up.”
“She is pretty amazing, isn’t she?” I mumbled.
Brooke was quiet for a moment, eyeing me curiously.
“Do you like her?” she asked softly, reaching for my arm.
I hung my head, not wanting to put the words out in the world just yet.
“It’s a pretty simple question, Dean. Do. You. Like. Her?” she said, raising one eyebrow.
“Yeah, yeah I do.” My voice sounded hoarse. “I can’t seem to see anyone else when she’s around.”
She measured my expression for a moment and then sat up, leaning closer to me. “The question I have, the question I’ve always had, is what the hell is keeping you away from her?” She clasped her hands together and pulled them back apart. “It never made sense to me.”
It didn’t make sense to me either.
I raked my hands over my face, trying to think of the right words. It would be nice if someone understood what I was going through. “I just don’t want to hurt her. I’ve never been any good at relationships.” I sighed and shifted back on the cold seat. “God, Brooke you know that better than anyone. You’ve seen me crash hard and burn. My job always came first. I never had time for anything else. I’ve fucked so much up in every relationship I’ve had so far—how can I bring her into that? What am I offering her? To be let down always? I don’t know how to change any of it.”
An icy breeze swept up over the porch making us both shudder and cross our arms over our chests.
“So,” she said hesitantly, carefully choosing her words. “You’re holding onto all the wrong shit, all your mistakes, all your fears, just because you’re used it to being that way,” she asked, darkly.
The fuck you know about me. “I don’t want this life for her,” I said through a locked jaw.
