Luerna put her hands on his shoulders, leaning her body into him, pressing her breasts against his chest.
It broke him.
Levka kissed her with hunger, a hand on the back of her neck to push her against him, to keep her there as they twisted their lips together. She felt like silk and tasted like peaches. She molded against him, her hands sliding down his arms and around his back, clenching his shirt. She had never kissed a man with such a thirst. It was intoxicating and flooded her chest with excitement. It was such a new feeling; if she wasn’t quite sure it was him causing it, she would have feared it was a heart attack. His other hand drifted down her back and squeezed her ass cheek, pushing her harder against him, letting her feel his dick straining against his pants. Desire sparked like a torch. When he left her lips to kiss along her jaw, she was breathless, weightless, a ragdoll in his arms. She wanted him to devour her like his gaze had promised years ago.
His hasty kiss stalled over her collarbone. She knew he noticed the bruise. And perhaps seeing the second one against her ribs. She didn’t move, waiting for him to forget about it, to move on and ignore it.
Instead, his lips touched it with a gentleness that spurred instant tears. Luerna clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes to stop the emotion that sprung forth like a terrible troll hiding under a bridge. She didn’t want to deal with it now. Luerna cupped his face and forced his lips back to hers. But it was slower, not as crazy. It was gentle and sweet. She tried to encourage him by kissing with more tongue, but he blocked her, keeping his mouth shut as he continued his delicate touches.
Luerna shoved away from him, a hand wiping the wetness from her mouth. “What is wrong with you?”
Levka slipped his hands back into his pockets, saying nothing while a wave of disappointment drowned him.
“You ever just fuck before?” she growled. “Don’t tell me you’re a virgin.”
Levka sneered. “If you just wanted to fuck, you could have gone with the strippers in the next room.” He turned for the door. “Go back to your asshole husband. Don’t give him a reason to hurt you.”
“Don’t you act like you know shit about my marriage!” She stepped back into her outfit, picking at the strings and pulling it up. “You just automatically assume it was him when you know nothing about my life.”
Levka took her dare. “Wasn’t it?”
The hesitation was all he needed, but she spoke out anyway, “That–”
“Don’t embarrass yourself.” He turned to go again, but with his hand on the door, he stopped. If he walked out, he didn’t know if he would ever get the chance to talk to her again. “This is bullshit, Luerna.” Levka looked back at her. “You’re pissed because I don’t want to fuck you like a whore. Make it make sense.”
Luerna didn’t know what to say. It didn’t make sense, he was right. She had gotten terrified because she felt emotion. Was she really that fucked up? She fell back on the chair with her head in her hands and elbows on her knees. Her eyes were flicking all around the floor, searching for answers and finding nothing to explain why she was screwing this up. She wanted this more than anything, but she didn’t know what exactly ‘this’ would be. And she wasn’t sure she deserved it.
Levka sat on the bed. He watched her and waited for her. He wasn’t expecting her to declare love for him. But he at least thought Luerna would let him loveher.He thought that was what she was looking for, what she wanted.
Maybe it was too late. Perhaps she had been dead for too long, and there was no reviving her.
Out of all his fantasies, this one had never been played out. In this fantasy, hope didn’t survive.
Luerna pulled her head up. Her blue eyes shone with unshed tears. “I’m sorry.”
Levka shook his head, hiding his heartbreak with simple movements that didn’t require thought. “Don’t be.”
“I’m a mess. I’m a terrible person most of the time. I’m mean to my kids. I’m a terrible wife. I never know when to shut up. I’m no good. This proves it. I can’t even–” She cut herself off. ‘Make love’ sounded too intimate. But that’s what he wanted, wasn’t it? He wanted some kind of affection, but she wasn’t sure she had any in her.
Levka sat up, crossed his arms, and stared at the floor. “Do you know the first time I saw you?” Her sniffles cut him. “I was twelve years old. I came over for Gil’s birthday party, I think. You had a baby on your hip. RJ. And you were screaming at us for being too crazy in the pool. I couldn’t understand a word you were saying. I was just watching your big perfect tits.”
A laugh sprung out of her mouth, and she slapped her lips to suppress it. She always doing that, as if her laughter was something she needed to hide. “That’s so gross,” she said with a smile. “A twelve-year-old checking me out.”
He shrugged and smiled, watching the misery slip away from her face. It wasn’t a story of unfathomable love, a declaration of devotion that could sway her to leave her husband and marry him, but anything that made her smile was worth it.
Luerna sat back in the chair and pulled her legs up to her chest. She kept her fingers connected against her calves as she stared at him. Minute after minute. Levka just let her, keeping his eyes on her and giving her whatever she needed at this moment to figure out what she wanted from him. Because he could give her anything.
Except nothing.
“I really am sorry for what my father did.”
“It was a lesson I needed. I was a spoiled ass kid back then. Now I’m better, smarter.”
“You were lucky he left.”
“I know.” He cackled. “I thank God every day. I was worried about you, though.”
Her brows knit. “Why?”
