“Something tells me that’s not true. I think there’s more to this than you realize.”
“Do you know something?” I ask suspiciously.
“Nothing I can confirm, but I can tell from his texts that you mean something to him.”
“If I meant something to him, he should have told me the truth. Instead, he spent a whole year lying to me, pretending he was only my teacher while talking to me as Daddy Dom, and a whole ’nother year not telling me he was married.”
“I’d bet anything there’s a reason he didn’t tell you.”
My eyes narrow on him. “You’re so good at keeping everyone’s secrets, but you seriously need to tell me what’s going on.”
“Even if I knew something, it wouldn’t be my story to tell. I’ve met a lot of people in my time as a sex worker, and you know the main takeaway I’ve learned?” He pauses, waiting for me to answer. I cross my arms over my chest and tilt my head, signaling for him to continue. “More than anything, people are desperate for a connection. They wantto feel like they matter to someone else. Most of the people I interact with at the club aren’t there because they want to fuck.”
I shoot him a disbelieving look.
He holds his hands up in surrender, letting out a hearty laugh. “Okay, okay, they want to fuck, but that’s just on the surface. Deep down, most people are searching for something more, craving a connection at a deeper level. They want to be seen, want to know they matter. If it was just sex, they could take care of that with a hand or toy. People come to me because they want more than the orgasm they can provide themselves.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I say, fully aware of how exasperated I sound.
“That man doesn’t say or do anything he doesn’t want to. And if he spent two years patiently pursuing you, it tells me that he’s desperate for that connection too. Maybe he’s not getting it at home. I’m not condoning cheating or lying, and I’m not justifying his actions, but I think you should keep an open mind.”
Letting out a deep breath, I think over his words. Maybe he’s right. “Even if I did give him a chance to explain, I can still walk away from him if I don’t like what I hear.”
“But are you really going to walk away from the only man who’s ever solved your touching problem?”
“Ugh.” I drop my head into my hands, then pop my head up suddenly as something hits me. “What if my nightmares start up again? Between Daddy Dom’s sessions and Professor A-hole pushing me to unlock the memory that caused my nightmares, they had pretty much stopped. But they came back when he broke up with me.”
“Do you wanna sleep in my bed?” Alyx offers.
“I don’t need your woody poking me all night.”
“Oh my God, no one calls it a woody anymore.” His groan turns into a laugh. “Besides, I’m not popping bonerseverynight and I’m definitely not popping one for you, sis. Respectfully.”
“I know you’re not, but it’s biology, and I’d prefer to remain ignorant to all things involving your crotchal region.”
He barks out a laugh. “I’ll build a pillow barrier.”
“Ethan’s old room is fine.”
“Then I’m sleeping on the couch so I’ll be close by if you have a nightmare.”
“Your room is like ten feet from my door.”
“I promised your brother that I’d look out for you. Please? It would ease my mind.”
“Fine,” I relent with a sigh.
We sit in silence for several minutes as I think over Alyx’s insight. While I appreciate his optimism, I’m having a hard time believing it. And what’s so disappointing is that so many other men in my life have let me down. John was the first person who broke through my sexual barrier, and it’s unfathomable that he could already be committed to someone else.
“Okay, you need to get out of this funk. Need a laugh?”
“Yes.” I lean back against him on the couch.
“I may have given John’s brother a BJ.”
“Cheese and rice! You’re joking!” I say through a fit of laughter as I push up to see if he’s serious.
“To be fair, I didn’t know it was John’s brother at the time.”
